Chronicles II: Chapters 1 to 9

Last time, ended Chronicles I.  On to Chronicles II.

CHAPTER 1

Just like the First Book of Chronicles, Chronicles II basically retells what we were already told, just with less style and a large focus on really boring stuff.

This chapter begins the reign of Solomon.  He asks God for wisdom and gets it, and then God decides to give him wealth as well.  It’s just what we read about it in Kings I.

CHAPTER 2

Solomon decides to conscript labor for his temple – 70,000 stone carriers, 80,000 stone cutters, and 3,600 overseers.  At the end of the chapter Solomon takes a census of foreign men in Israel and it amounts to 153,600 – the exact same as the sum of the combined numbers.  So he’ll turn all foreign men into forced laborers.  It’s the same as what happened to the Hebrew in Egypt --- and the ancient Hebrew version of the Bible uses the same word. 

Solomon makes a pledge to God that he’ll make him a great house because “our God is greater than all other gods,” a statement that indicates that other gods do in fact exist.  He wants it to be the best place ever, and gets the people from Lebanon to give them their stuff, because apparently they have the best stuff.

The king of Lebanon gives Solomon all kinds of flattery, and it looks like Solomon is a sucker for flattery.

CHAPTER 3

They’re going to build the temple on the very spot David saw the Angel of the Lord after the three-day plague.  Huh. I don’t recall that detail from the previous books, but that’s a bit interesting. 

Mostly, this chapter is just temple specs for what will be built.

CHAPTER 4

More architecture porn.  Solomon is important because he built the Temple.  Oh, he’s wise and stuff, but the main focus is on that temple he built.

CHAPTER 5

Time to dedicate the Temple.  It’s a short chapter. 

CHAPTER 6

Here we get Solomon’s speech about the Temple.  We heard this already in Kings I: Chapter 8.  It’s still a great speech – but we already heard it.

CHAPTER 7

Solomon finishes his speech and fire comes down from heaven to consume the burnt offerings and sacrifices.  Well, that’s neat.  God promises to Solomon that he’ll rule over all Israel.

CHAPTER 8

The Bible notes that Solomon uses plenty of forced laborers, but they are all foreigners, no Hebrew.  Yeah, this is exactly what happened to the Hebrew back in Egypt. 

Right after we’re told about Solomon’s work projects, we’re told about his piety.  Really?  That wasn’t his strong point in Kings I.  But here, when he marries the pharaoh’s daughter, he won’t have her live in his palace, because it’s too holy.  This is very different than in Kings I.  There, his wives led him away from God.  Here, that stuff isn’t mentioned at all.  Not in this chapter, not anywhere in Chronicles.  As was the case in the retelling of the story of David, all negative stories are edited out.

CHAPTER 9

This just retells the story of the Queen of Sheba coming to see Solomon.  “King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba everything she desired and asked for.”  Hey-hey! Then other kings from Arabia come up and give gold and silver to Solomon.  Why?  Because he’s so wise.  That rings so incredibly false.  “Wow, you’re so wise!  Here’s my money!”  C’mon.  Leaders don’t give up money that easily.  But here the Bible says leaders gave tribute just to hear his wisdom.  Oh, barf. 

Also, as was the case in Kings I, the news of Solomon’s wisdom is all tell, no show.  It’s just generic praise with little actual info. 

Click here for the next nine chapters of Chronicles II.

Chronicles II: Main Page

Chapters 1 to 9
Chapters 10 to 18
Chapters 19 to 28
Chapters 29 to 36

Chronicles: Chapters 20 to 29

Last time, we got much of the story of David.  This time, we finish it off.

CHAPTER 20

This is a short chapter – just eight verses – that recounts some of David’s military exploits.

CHAPTER 21

OK, this actually is a little interesting.  It took 21 chapters, but Chronicles I finally had an interesting moment.  This recounts one of the most baffling moments in the life of David – the census David calls for that angers the Lord, causing Israel to be hit by a plague as a result.  Over in Samuel II, the plague never made much sense, but here there is an explanation: Satan.  The devil told David to take a census, and that causes the problem.

Oh, please note this is the first time the S-word – Satan – appears in the Bible.  (Well, in the Christian edition it’s the first time he appears.  But in the Jewish Bible the Chronicles go to the end, so he comes up before this).

The footnote says that Satan means “adversary” or “accuser” and that’s all Satan was initially.  In later Judaism and obviously in Christianity the notion of Satan takes on a, well, a satanic meaning.  But here the concept isn’t quite that far.  Here, Satan is just someone who tempts people to do wrong. And I guess David did wrong.

David repents and tells God not to punish the people for his mistake.  The Angel of God comes down and David sees him.  Then David orders an altar built on the spot he saw the angel.  This I don’t recall from Samuel II.  (checks).  No, it’s there – I just missed it.  In both depictions, David buys the land from the person who owns it.  Well, that’s honorable of him.

CHAPTER 22

This book makes David much more involved in the building of the temple.  He doesn’t build it because God said there is too much blood on his hands from fighting battles, though.  But David is doing all the prep work.  For example, David decrees that all resident aliens in the land be used as stonecutters for the project. 

Let’s pause for a second.  Kings I made a similar statement (about Solomon, not David) about using minorities as forced laborers on this building project.  At that time I doubted it was true, that there was anger by Israelites against Solomon for the labor tax.  But if it is true that resident aliens are pressed into labor service – that might be even worse.  In that case, it’s the same thing the Egyptians did the Hebrew back in the days before Moses.  Is it supposed to be better that the Hebrew does it to someone else?

Also, it’s interesting that the sin of David is fighting wars.  He fought those wars for God to achieve God’s early promises.  And there are plenty of other sins you can nail David for – but they aren’t here.  There is no Bathsheba.  No Uriah the Hittite sent to his death.  No son raping his half-sister and then in turn being murdered by his half-brother.  There is no uprising by Absalom.  And when it’s time to transfer power, it’s presented entirely smoothly.  The writer here is trying to cover up a bunch of David’s sins.  That’s dumb.  If this really was written later on, it’s idiotic because David’s stories were already well known.  You have to contend with those stories, not deny them.

Here, David indicates that Solomon will succeed him.  It wasn’t nearly so quickly decided in Kings I.  Here, he says Solomon will build the house, though he’s young and inexperienced.  Yeah, I guess so.  Even though his dad is doing the prep work and even though the Temple won’t be very big – it’ll take Solomon seven years to build.  That’s pretty inexperienced all right. 

Really, though, with seven chapters left in Chronicles I, it’s clear that Solomon is supposed to succeed David as king.  If all you knew was this chapter, you’d never imagine any doubts on the matter.

CHAPTER 23

David divvies up the priests.  He says the Levites should assist the House of Aaron. 

CHAPTER 24

More priest stuff.  David divides them up into groups and assigns duties by lot.  Sure, why not?  That why they get rotation in office so no one feels too neglected in their duties.  There are 24 groups of priests in all, and they’ll serve duties in a regular rotation.  The chapter ends by saying that the most important family did the same as the less important one. 

CHAPTER 25

There are groups of singers, too.  They also determine their roles by lot.  Again, there are 24 lots.

Clearly, this book was written by a priest, and he confused the duties and responsibilities of his own sect with any broader vision/message of God.  This in an entirely blinkered worldview, in which every little detail that affects priests is seen as important, because it involves the priests of the Lord.  The community that they are supposed to be shepherds to?  Well they aren’t as important.  The job itself matters more than the reasons for the job.  This is the sort of Bible chapter Pope Benedict XVI instead of Pope Francis.

CHAPTER 26

There are also gatekeepers.  They also rotate responsibilities by lot.  There are also treasures and magistrates, but it doesn’t say anything about rotation by lot for them.

CHAPTER 27

Now for the military commanders. Seriously – whoever wrote this thought we had to know every name?  When they decided which books would go in the Bible around the first century AD, they thought this one merited inclusion?  The hell?

Anyhow, military commanders rotate overall command each month.  That sounds like crazy talk.  (Also, what about Joab? Oh, who cares).

CHAPTER 28

David assembles all the leaders of Israel to Jerusalem for a big final talk.  It’s his version of Deuteronomy, I guess.  It’s much shorter, though.  And it’s mostly on the Temple.  (Again, it’s all about the rituals and practices of the religion, not about the people at all).  David rehashes again that he wanted to build the Temple, and was told no, so his son Solomon.

David even gives the Temple plans to Solomon.  There is a very strong desire here to put the Temple in the hands of David as much as possible, even though it wasn’t built on his watch. In fact, we’re told that David personally specified many items in and for the temple, including the weight of the gold for the golden vessels used in religious services, and for the tables used to hold showbread.  It’s David’s temple, just not built under David’s watch. (Again, this makes it even more insane that it took Solomon as long as it did to build it).

CHAPTER 29

Offerings are made to the temple, David prays to God, Solomon is anointed, and David dies.  There is a complete absence of drama in these proceedings.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Meh.  This book primarily consists of two things: 1) stuff we already read in Samuel II, and 2) boring stuff no on actually cares about.  There’s a reason no one really remembers the Chronicles books of the Bible – they aren’t memorable.

Click here to begin Chronicles II.

Psalms 112 to 124

Last time was Psalms 99 to 111. Now for the next batch.

PSALM 112

This is another short psalm, titled, “The Blessings of the Just.”  Instead of focusing on God, we’ll spend a psalm on the life of someone who believes.  Apparently, it’s nice.  The man who fears the Lord – there, one psalm after we’re told that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, we get another psalm beginning by urging us to fear God.  Anyhow, the man who fears God will be mighty in the land, be upright, be blessed, have a steadfast heart, and his righteousness will endure forever.

Sounds nice, but it sounds like the psalm for the rich.  It sounds like the thoughts for someone in a suburban megachurch.  What does it offer a poor man who believes in God?  They are the ones who often have nowhere else to turn except God.

PSALM 113

In fact, right after a psalm that struck me as being for the affluent, we get one called, “Praise of God’s Care for the Poor.”  This gets the audience that the other one misses, calling for helping the poor.

This is one nice thing about the Hebrew religion.  Since we’re all made in God’s image, it provides dignity to all peoples, no matter how lowly.  It puts us all in the same community, which can lead to psalms like this. 

PSALM 114

A short psalm on the Exodus and the wonders that took place in it.  This notable just for one line.  When God did his miracles, the very natural objects of the world itself were in awe.  We’re told, “The mountains skipped like rams.”   Well, there’s a sight you don’t see everyday, a bunch of mountains tiptoeing through the tulips, skipping like rams.

PSALM 115

This one is called “The Greatness of the True God” so I supposed it’s an avowedly monotheistic psalm. 

It’s a bragging psalm.  Others ask, where is your God?  Well, he’s in heaven.  While your sucky gods are just idols.  Suck on it, sucky gods. 

PSALM 116

This is a psalm about surviving a near-death experience.  The psalmist begins by noting he was near death, about to go to Sheol (Hell), when he called out to God for help.  And God heard!  And once God heard, then God – in his infinite compassion – saved him.  So now he sings the praises of God.

This psalm reminds me of former Hardball Times writer (and Baseball Think Factory poster) John Brattain.  He once noted that he had some serious health problems, but survived them (for a time).  When his health was declining (and ended up killing him) he said how blessed he felt to have these extra years.  John was very religious. In fact, when discussing his health problems and his sense of feeling lucky to have the extra time, he quoted a Bible passage.  No, it wasn’t this one, but this one reminds me of him anyone.

Good man, that John Brattain.  A very good man indeed.

PSALM 117

Here it is – the shortest psalm in the Bible. Also – the shortest Bible chapter.  It’s all of two verses & 25 words.  There is nothing else memorable about it.

PSALM 118

This is “Hymn of Thanksgiving” and it lives up to the title.  Give thanks to the Lord for all that he is done.  This is a nice little poem, heavy on the refrain.  Those refrains include: “Let ____ say,” “They surrounded me,” and “The Lord’s right hand.”

It’s nice and pleasant, but I really don’t have very much else to say about it.

PSALM 119

Here it is – by far the longest psalm in the Bible.  It’s by far the longest chapter in any book of the Bible. Weighing in a 176 verses (!), it’s more than double the length of any other psalm.  In fact, given that it’s followed by a series of short psalms, it’s 176 verses is greater than …..the next 20 psalms combined!  Impressive.

In my previous Bible readings, I was so overwhelmed by its length that I just read over it and got nothing out of it.  But this time, I knew to pay more attention.  This is one part of the Bible that David Plotz’s “The Good Book” really does a great job explaining. 

Plotz recounts how he wasn’t in the mood for another psalm when he began it; let alone such a never ender of a psalm.  But as he read it, he began to realize it’s a very different psalm.  This is a love psalm – but it’s a love psalm dedicated not to God, but to God’s laws.  Plotz noted that this is absolutely perfect.  However strange it might sound, it’s the existence of the Bible and the common identity that springs from it that’s allowed the Jewish people to survive.  There ain’t many Edmoites or Moabites or Hittites left – but there are still people.  This guy is on the right track for praising God’s written laws.

And praise God’s written laws he does.  This psalmist pours over them and studies them, and loves them.  His horrified and infuriated when he reads an account in the Bible of someone not following God’s ways.  He seeks salvation in God’s laws.

What at first seems a little out of place in this psalm are repeated references to the psalmist’s enemies, and how he is treated like garbage by the bad people for trying to follow God’s ways.  Really?  People are persecuting him for studying the Bible?  There are two ways of looking at this.  First, he’s living through a time and place where people are really not upholding God’s laws, and therefore mock this guy.  He’s a square; a dork. 

Second, and I started bleeding into this point at the end of the last one – maybe he’s just being bullied because he seems like an easy target for bullies.  Maybe his problem isn’t that he studies the Torah so much; but that he’s around books so much.  He’s too studious and introverted for his own social well-being.  He really is a nerd.  If you think about it, that’s almost certainly the case.  After all, who writes the psalm – the longest psalm of them all by far – about how much he loves studying the Bible?  Given not only how much he studies this but the passion he has for the laws (Leviticus: A Love Story), and his continual talk of being mocked for his studies – this guy is likely well-meaning by socially inept.

And that also explains some of the theology here.  While he at times acknowledges God as compassionate, he also says the sinners won’t get salvation.  That sounds like a junior high student upset at being picked on.  (Yeah, I am projecting my junior high thoughts here a bit). 

While it’s fascinating for its uniqueness, the psalm’s execution could be massively improved.  This guy keeps repeating himself.  It’s 176 verses long, but it doesn’t really build on anything and it barely says anything new after the first 20-30 verses.  You just get the same points repeated over and over and over. The psalmist is pouring his thoughts out but doesn’t know how to do it in a way that’s easy for another person to receive. That is a further point for my theory that this guy is a socially inept introvert. 

PSALM 120

Now begins the most prolonged series of short psalms in the Bible. Psalm 120 is the first of 12 straight (and 14 out of 15) that are less than 10 verses long. 

This is called “Prayer of a Returned Exile” and it lives up to its billing.  The psalmist is happy to have his call of distress responded to by the Lord.  He has an enemy – but in this case it’s the tongue of the psalmist.  I guess he’s made statements or mouthed off about how God would never answer their prayers or something.  I don’t know – that part is pretty vague, but mostly he’s happy God will let him return.

PSALM 121

This is a psalm about the Lord as protector.  He first looks off to the mountains, wondering if his help will come from there.  No, don’t be a fool – of course not.  His help will come from the Lord above. 

God will protect you.  God will save you.  God won’t let your foot to sleep.  God is like a superhero – with actual super powers, too.

PSALM 122

This one clearly predates the Babylonian Captivity.  It’s a pilgrim going to Jerusalem and just feeling overjoyed.  He’d dreamed of doing this, of going to David’s city – and now here he is, with his feet inside the gates.  He’s very happy at this.

This is a nice little psalm.  There isn’t much to say about it, but I like the image of a guy grinning ear to ear because he’s finally made it to the city of his dreams: Jerusalem. 

It’s supposed to be a psalm of David – I guess one after he conquered Jerusalem.  I dunno if I believe that David wrote it, though.  It doesn’t fit my mental image of a writer. I imagine it being someone traveling to a city already long established as the center (and probably after Solomon built his temple there). 

PSALM 123

This one is called “Reliance on the Lord.”  The psalmist says we look to the Lord like a servant looks to his master.  He means this in a good way.

This world doesn’t sound too pleasant for our psalmist.  He notes how people show contempt for the good, mock them, are insolent to them, and are arrogant to them.  So of course you look to Lord to show you favor – who else can you turn to?

PSALM 124

This is a prayer – associated with David – thanking God for rescuing them. We won our fights because God was on our side.  The message is something plenty of previous psalms have had, but it has some really interesting imagery.  My favorite part was, “Blessed is the Lord, who did not leave us to be torn by their teeth.”  Hey!  An apparent reference to cannibalism.  You don’t see too many of those in the Bible.

Click here for psalms 125 to 137

Chronicles I: Chapters 10 to 19

Last time, a bunch of people were begotted.  Now for a retelling of the times of David.

CHAPTER 10

This is just re-hashing the end of Samuel I.  Saul dies, with his sons.  We’re given a morality lesson at the end, that Saul died because, “of his treason against the Lord in disobeying his word, and also because he had sought counsel from a ghost, rather than from the Lord.”  Yeah, we got that back in Samuel I, thanks.

CHAPTER 11

Now David becomes king.  This section repeatedly says that “all Israel” came out for him.  I could be wrong, but I believe this book completely skips over the civil war that David had to win to claim the throne. (Along those lines, last chapter said Saul’s “whole house” died in that battle against the Philistines, while there were actually some survivors (and that helped lead to the civil war glossed over here).

So this chapter is establishing David’s legitimacy as king, and willfully passing over some details in the process.  Then David captures Jerusalem, decreeing that whoever first strikes a resident will be the head of his army. Joab does it, and becomes took military leader for the rest of David’s lifetime.

Oh, and we get a boring list of David’s warriors.  Gee thanks.  Apparently whoever wrote this was incapable of going more than a few chapters without boring everyone with a list.

CHAPTER 12

Oh, it looks like we’ll get a little of the civil war after all. Eh, whatever.  This mostly discusses a list of some of David’s early followers. 

CHAPTER 13

Now David decides to transport the ark of the Lord to Jerusalem.  Chronicles I is mostly a far worse retelling of Samuel II.  It’s pointless. 

CHAPTER 14

David fights the Philistines and beats them up.  It sounds like David gets the Philistines to give up their gods.  I don’t recall that happening in Samuel.  I doubt it took.

CHAPTER 15

Two chapters ago, David decided to move the ark of the Lord.  Now we’re doing that again. It isn’t exactly the same as Chapter 13 – it’s more like a continuation of it.  But it’s really dumb to but Chapter 14 in the middle, totally disrupting the narrative flow.  Then again, the narrative flow is watching paint dry, so at least the disruption keeps me awake.

The chapter also makes sure to note that David let the Levites play a key role in this affair.  We get names of every Levite associated with the move.  Clearly, whoever wrote this was a priest, and he assumed that priestly functions were the most important thing out there.  This is like Leviticus, except without any important laws and about stuff we already know. 

CHAPTER 16

Now that the ark of the Lord is in Jerusalem, there is another chapter about celebrating that fact.  Yeah, three of the last four chapters have been about moving the fucking ark.  This is a long song given that apparently splices together parts of Psalms 96, 105, and 106.

CHAPTER 17

It’s more of Samuel II.  This time, we re-learn about David wanting to build a temple for God, only to have Nathan say your son will do that.  Also, we get the Lord’s covenant with David.  Yes, again.

CHAPTER 18

David has some successful military campaigns.  This one features one notable, new detail.   After he beats the King of Zobah, he has all his chariot horses hamstrung.  There are 1,000 chariots and 7,000 horsemen, so that’s a lot of hamstrung horses.  PETA will be pissed for sure.

Also, the guy David beat before practicing cruelty against animals had pals from the Euphrates reinforce him, so I guess this is part of the rationale that David’s kingdom went all the way to the big river – though it pretty clearly didn’t.

Finally, David beats Edom and subjugates it.  I believe this actually did show up at one point earlier, but I missed it then.  But yeah – Edom will belong to the House of David for centuries now.

CHAPTER 19

I actually went back and checked.  This just rehashes Chapter 10 of Samuel II.  I remember the story of the emissaries David sent out who had their beards shaved, and he told them to stay in Jericho until it grew back.  Here it is.  Again. 

Click here for the last third of Chronicles.