Tobit: Chapters 8 to 14

Last time, the Book of Tobit began.  Now to end it.

CHAPTER 8

No sooner has Sarah told she’s going to be wed than they are wed.  Now there’s a demon to deal with – and boy is it anticlimactic.  Tobiah puts on embers, and the demon is repulsed by the smell and leaves.  Oh, and reason Tobiah puts them on the embers?  Raphael tells him too, of course.  Jeez, even with these easy actions Tobiah is just a puppet.  And then when it’s over with, Raphael pursues the demon, finds him in Egypt and binds him.

You know what this is starting to remind me of?  Pumaman.  That was a terrible MST3K movie (a great MST3K episode, but a terrible movie).  In it, the supposed hero is really just a front for the nominal sidekick, who does almost all the work.  Same here – Tobiah doesn’t do much, while Raphael does it all.  OK, it isn’t fair because Raphael is an angel doing the Lord’s work, but you’d like to see some initiative by the lead actor.

Once the demon is gone, Tobiah and Sarah pray to God, just as they were told too. 

There is an interesting little sidenote, though.  Sarah’s dad tells his servants to dig a grave.  After all, all of his would-be-sons-in-law die overnight, so let’s not waste time.  His reasons for grave digging aren’t purely pragmatic, though.  If Tobiah dies, it’ll bring new disgrace to the family, so let’s bury him before anyone finds out.  Jeez, uh, yeah.  That’s shrewd, I’ll give him that.  But a bit nasty. 

He’s redeemed, though, by being genuinely happy when Tobiah lives through the night.  Interesting little side story, though.  He tells Tobiah that the son-in-law can have his wealth when he dies. 

CHAPTER 9

Now that the wedding has been consummated, it’s time for the wedding feast.  It’s to last two weeks.  Dang, these guys sure know how to party after a wedding! 

There is a downside for Tobiah, though.  His parents will count the days until he returns, and will fear him dead if he’s not back in time.  So he asks Raphael for help.  (Of course he does!  What else would he do!)  Actually, it’s a bit confusing.  When I read it, I though he wanted Raphael to go home ahead of him and tell his parents that he still lives.  But that isn’t what happens.  He goes ahead to …someone.  I dunno quite who though.  It’s a bit confusing. 

Short chapter – just six verses.  (Though, to be fair, verses here are longer than in most of the Bible).

CHAPTER 10

Now we get to the really heartwarming parts of the book.  Wait – first we have to get the build up.  We’ve flashed back to Tobit and his wife, Anna.  (About time I mentioned her name, right?)  They wait and wait for their son.  Tobit is concerned, but Anna is the one who really gets ahead on the worry.  She soon decides that her son has died – that must be why he’s not back yet.  While you can feel for her, she also comes off like a bit of a drama queen here.  It’s like many stereotypical Jewish moms you see on TV, who can’t stop thinking of their sons.  When Tobit tries to calm her down, she lashes out at him, “You be still, and do not try to deceive me!  My son has perished!”  See what I mean?  Drama queen. 

But Raphael and Tobiah do set off for home.  They first say their big goodbyes to new father-in-law Raguel.  It’s a nice scene with Raguel saying to Tobiah and Sarah, “And may I see children of yours before I die!”  The exclamation point really sells it here. 

CHAPTER 11

As they approach home, Raphael has an idea.  Of course he does.  You wouldn’t expect Tobiah to have an idea of his own, now would you?  He tells Tobiah to hurry ahead of Sarah to prepare his house for her.  (Mind you, Raphael will hurry with Tobiah, so I wonder who is helping Sarah go forward.  It’s not like she knows the way or anything).

As they approach, Anna sees her son and you can imagine how happy she is.  To her credit, instead of taking the drama queen approach and focusing  on herself, she immediately tells her husband that Tobiah is back. 

Raphael now has more info for the puppet-like Tobiah.  Time to take out that fish gall.  Your dad’s eyes will be wide open when he’s out to see you, so blow the gall gunk in his eyes, and it’ll cause the solidified bird poop to shrink and they can be peeled from his eyes.  Tobiah does it.

Actually, the moment when Tobit loses the bird poop is a bit gruesome.  It’s not a simple easy moment of it disappearing.  The scales shrink just a bit, and now Tobiah has to pull them out of his dad’s eyes.  Here’s what the Bible says, “Holding [Tobit] firmly, [Tobiah] said, `Courage father.’  Then he applied the medicine to his eyes, and it made them sting.   Tobiah used both hands to peel the white scales from the corners of his eyes.”  Man, that sounds rough.  Why did the Bible feel the need to make the procedure sound so painful and unpleasant?  Think – a guy is using both hands (unsanitized, of course) to rip something out of his dad’s eyes.  Yikes!  I’ll say this much – at least we get to see Tobiah do something, but what a way to make him an active character in his own story.

But this is the big culmination of the story – now Tobit can see again!  He’s thrilled and says, “I can see you, son, the light of my eyes!”  Yeah, this story does some of these nice moments right.  Then he prays to God his thanks.  When Tobit goes walking around town, people are stunned to see him moving so fast – and without a guide! 

CHAPTER 12

Well, now it’s epilogue time.  First Raphael leaves the story.  The Tobit family decides to pay them half the money they brought back.  That’s nice of them – and Raphael sure earned it. 

Raphael is going to leave, and gives hem some parting words advice.  It’s basic do-good stuff.  But then he lays the bomb on them.  I’m not really the relative of someone Tobit used to know – I’m an angel of God.  They fall on the floor in fear, and Raphael tells them not to worry.  Then he tells them to write down this entire story, which I guess is the supposed justification in the Book for its own authenticity. 

Quick note.  This Bible book has a different view on angels than the earlier Bible book.  In Genesis, an angel was a form of God in this world.  God’s raw form is too, well, too godly to really mingle with humans, so he puts himself here in an avatar like creature – an angel.  (That’s why when the three angels meet Sarah in Genesis, the pronouns go back and forth from singular to plural in a rather confusing manner).

In Tobit, the angel is more a modern one.  He’s not God in this world.  He’s a servant of God; a messenger.  He does God’s bidding.  But he is separate from God.

CHAPTER 13

This is just a song of praise.  It’s not a bad song or anything, but it has nothing to do with the story.  Tobit sings a song praising God for standard reasons of righteousness, without any reference to the story that just happened.  It’s like there’s a poem the author really liked, and he put it in right here.

CHATPER 14

Now it’s wrapping things up.  It’s now many years later, and Tobit is on his deathbed.  How many years later?  Well, we’re told he went blind at age 58, and now he’s …. 112 years old!  So assume he was blind for a few years and it’s 50 years later.  I never quite got why the Bible liked these too-long lives.  Early on it makes sense to collapse big time frames.  (Can you imagine how boring the early begots would be if it was 30 years per generation, yet it still covered over 1,000 years?)  But why now?  I guess it signifies the person is a godly individual that the Lord favors.

But it causes me to think about things literally.  If it’s 50 years after the main story, then Tobiah is about 70 or so, as is Sarah (who should actually be older, what with the seven dead husbands).  We’re told they have seven sons and that’s nice, but shouldn’t they have a helping of grandsons and even great-grandsons? Eh, I shouldn’t worry about these little things so much.

The parting words are actually a letdown.  It’s not a sentiment of how much he loves his family and his good fortune or even the Lord so much.  No, it’s all about what the future holds.  He says a prophet of old’s words will come true and Nineveh will be destroyed, so his kids should leave.  Then he “foresees” the next several centuries of Jewish life – Babylon, the captivity, the return, etc.  It’s a bit annoying because I know this story was written after all of that, and I’ve read this in Kings and Chronicles already. 

As he’s winding down, he says they should leave after his wife dies.  Wait – she’s still alive, too?  She must also be around 110 years old.  Yeah, but we don’t get an age for her, just a brief sentence a little later on that she died. 

So Tobiah and Sarah go to where her family is from – and her dad still lives, too!  Boy, everyone is 110 years old in this family.  In fact, his wife is still alive, too!  Dang, some family.  Well, I guess it’s about time the old man lives to see his grandsons, as he said he’d hope to way back when.  But he dies and Tobiah and Sarah get his land.  They are happy and prosperous. It’s a happy ending.

Tobiah dies at age 117, the oldest of them all.  And, curtain.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

So what can I say?  My 10-year-old self liked it more than it deserved.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  It is a good Bible book.  It is enjoyable with some real moment of humanity – the prayers for death, Tobit’s happy ending, heck – even the father-in-law digging a grave for Tobiah.  The Bible is at its best when it’s at its most human, and that happens here.

But Tobiah is a non-entity.  And the ending goes on a bit too long.  Also, all the fixation about marrying relatives – OK, it fits Moses law, but it sure hasn’t aged well to modern ears.

I can see why it was left out of the Bible.  The fictional stories in the Bible – Ruth, Daniel, Esther, etc – really only work if they can be tied to some broader issue.  Esther saved the Jews.  Ruth is the grandmother of David.  Daniel sees the writing on the wall.  It’s not just stories of people, but can be related to the broader themes of Jewish history.  Tobit doesn’t do that.  It’s just a story about good people who overcome obstacles with the help of the Lord to have happy endings. It’s a heartwarming story, but it’s just a story. 

But it was an enjoyable enough story for the Catholics to put in the Bible, and I do like it, but I also completely understand why the Jews and Protestants opt to leave it out.  

Click here to begin the Book of Judith.

Tobit: Chapters 1 to 7

Last time, the Book of Nehemiah came to an end.  Now onto Tobit.

CHAPTER 1

I remember reading this book when I nearly got all the way through the Bible at age 10.  At the time, it was my favorite book of the Bible.  After college I succeeded in reading the entire Bible, and this time I had a very different attitude about Tobit. “This was my favorite book?  The heck?”  I guess the third time will be the tiebreaker.

This is also the first of the Catholics-only Bible books.  You won’t find Tobit in the Jewish Bible or the Protestant Bible.  There are seven books that Catholics include that the other doesn’t.  The introduction notes tell me that this book is believed to have been written around the second century BC, so rather late.  I guess the Protestants and Jews don’t really consider it important enough or real enough.  Basically, they consider it Biblical fan-fic. 

And it is.  This is Biblical fan-fic.  (Then again, so is Esther and so is Daniel, and those are in all the Bibles). 

OK, so onto the story.  Tobit is a good man. The author here really wants to beat us over the head with that fact.  He lives in the northern kingdom shortly before the Assyrian conquest, but Tobit won’t worship at the golden calf like all his neighbors.  No, sirree.  Instead, he goes to Jerusalem, just like Deuteronomy tells him to.  (Never mind that Deuteronomy hasn’t been written yet).  He gives tithes to the priests.  He cares for his parents until they die (which is when he’s pretty young, apparently).

He marries and has a kid named Tobiah.  Things are going great.  Then Assyria takes over. Unlike most of the people sent to the Assyrian capital of Nineveh, Tobit holds true to the ways of the lord, not eating the food of the Gentiles.  Because he’s a good Jewish boy like that.  Oh, and he is apparently a competent one too, because the Assyrian ruler hires him as purchasing agent. So though he’s in exile, things are still going well.

Then things really take a turn for the worse.  The old king dies and his son because king.  The son sucks.  Tobit can’t go travel (a requirement for a purchasing agent in those days before cell phones) because the roads are now dangerous. And that’s not even the capper.

The capper is the new king is pissed at Tobit.  You see, Tobit insists on burying the dead.  He gives his bread to the hungry and clothing to the naked, and whenever a Jew dies, Tobit buries him. 

Wait – why would that upset the king so much?  Apparently, the king likes killing them.  We’re told that dead Jews are being thrown behind the wall in Nineveh, and Tobit buries them.  I guess they’re not supposed to be fit for burial.  A little later we’re told that the king kills them – “For in his rage he killed many Israelites.”  So the king is a sociopath.  Really, this part of the plot is pretty underdeveloped.  At the very least what Tobit is doing is hygienic.  More importantly, it’s in keeping with God’s laws – because Tobit is so incredibly good. 

At any rate, King Crazy Guy wants Tobit dead, because he buries the dead.  Tobit is forced to go on the lamb.  He loses all of his possessions.  Bummer – this guy was a big shot not that long ago.  But never fear – the king is killed in some palace intrigue.

CHAPTER 2

Tobit is back, and it’s time for the festival of the Pentecost, a big thing from the Torah.  So Tobit tells his son to bring in a poor person to share their feast.  Because Tobit is still such an incredibly good guy.

Instead, Tobiah finds a dead person.  This horrifies Tobit and they bury him, a fact that earns insults from those around him.  (It isn’t clear if the derides are Jews or not).  He still hasn’t learned his lesson!  He’s still burying the dead!  The sucker! 

As bad as things have gone for Tobit, they’re about to get worse, though.  He loses his eyesight.  He loses it in a rather icky way, too.  He lays asleep, and some birds above him crap into his eyes.  So long, eyesight, as we’re told the droppings form white scales on his eyes. 

Now Tobit must rely on his wife to provide for him, and she gets a job weaving cloth, “doing the kind of work women do.”  She is really good and gets a bonus at the job – a goat!  When she brings the goat home, Tobit is a dick, accusing her of stealing it.  He insists she return it, even when she tells him what happened.  Fed up, she says, “Where are your charitable deeds now?  Where are your righteous acts?  All that has happened to you is well known!”

I guess Tobit doesn’t like being an object of pity and charity, but that’s the hand life has dealt him.  I guess we’re supposed to feel really blue for him and his plight, and to some extent I do, but the author shouldn’t have put that line right after he acted like a dick.  Right before his wife said that, my sympathies were more with her than him.  For once, he wasn’t such a great guy, and that’s when our sympathies are supposed to be at their maximum for him?  I dunno – it doesn’t quite work like that.

CHAPTER 3

Apparently, his wife’s shot at Tobit has broken the old man at last.  This chapter begins with a sobbing Tobit praying for death.  No, really – there is a poem titled, “Tobit’s Prayer for Death.”  He admits his sins and wrongdoings, admits those of his people, and prays to God to put him out of his misery.  This is depressing and affecting stuff.  Whatever ill will I had toward him for his churlishness to his wife evaporated.  This guy is at the end of his rope. 

And then, we shift scenes to Sarah.  She lives in a different place entirely, but (I’ll learn later on) is a relative of Tobit.  Apparently, the same day that Tobit reached the end of his hope, she did likewise.  You see, Sarah is an unfortunate soul.  Oh, she’s good and pious and pretty and all things good – but she is also cursed by a demon that is haunting her.  This demon – Asmodeus is his name – keeps appearing on her wedding night and killing her husbands before their weddings can be consummated.  What is the demon’s motivation?  Does he want Sarah?  Pure malice?  We don’t know, the Bible never says. But the point is Sarah has had seven husbands, and is still a virgin.  Man, seven dead husbands?  That must leave a mark on her mentally.

Well, her maid reproaches her now.  We don’t know why now, but it is now.  The maid tells Sarah its all her fault that they all die, and she should never bare children.  Sarah is taken aback.  I can only imagine what guilt or bad feelings she must carry around at all times, and now it’s aggressively thrown in her face.  Now Sarah wants to die.

She’s serious about it, too and considers suicide.  The only reason she doesn’t is because she thinks what her suicide would do to her parents: “thus would I bring my farther laden with sorrow in his old age to Hades.  It is far better for me not to hang myself but to beg the Lord that I might die.”  So, like Tobit, and on the same day, a reproach causes her to pray for death – and for the second time this chapter we get a poem that’s a good person praying for death. 

Apparently, the prayer is about the exact same time as Tobit’s for both reach God.  And God decides to take action.  Enough of the depressing stuff – God sends the angel Raphael out to solve the problems.  And in 2 verses, we get the plot of the rest of the chapter summarized.  Raphael will see to it that Tobit regains his sight, Sarah will marry Tobiah and they’ll get rid of the wicked demon Asmodeus. 

This demon guy – I suppose that’s a big part of the reason why this book isn’t in the Jewish or Protestant Bibles.  There is folk belief around the world in demons and evil spirits inhabiting the earth and screwing things up for people.  It isn’t clear what role this demon plays in the divine order – he’s just a lingering folk belief.  It’s probably a popular story with the masses – hence why it was well known enough and lasting enough for Catholics to Bible-ize it, but it’s not quite up to snuff for many Jewish priests or Protestant ministers, and so not in their canon.

CHAPTER 4

Now that Tobit has prayed for death, he’s thinking of what’ll happen to his son. He doesn’t have much to give him, but he knows he has some money he left with his relative Gabael in Media.  Tobiah doesn’t know about it, so Tobit tells him about it and sends him off to get it.

Before Tobiah goes, dead old dad gives some parting bits of advice, and that makes up almost all of this chapter.  The advice is a mixed of nice, holy words of wisdom – discipline yourself, avoid idleness, give alms to people in proposition to what you have, etc.  All sorts of nice holy stuff.  Speaking of holy stuff, the kid should always keep the Lord in mind, just as his dad did.

But a big point the father stresses is don’t marry a foreign woman.  Only marry someone who is not only a Jew, but also “of your own ancestral family.”  Wait – what?  Why?  That seems to be a bit much.  Tobit explains it by saying, “We are descendents of the prophets” and then points to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as some that married their own kindred and received God’s blessing.  OK, this is getting weird.  True, those guys married some of their relatives (Sarah was Abraham’s half-sister!) but ever since Moses there have been rules about that sort of thing, and Tobit – normally so good at following all of those rules, is stressing something even older than Moses’ laws. 

This is probably another reason why this book is kicked out of most Bibles.  Not only does Tobit say this, but sure enough Tobiah will marry his relative, Sarah.  I don’t really know how closely they are related – and it might be far enough to be allowable, but this insistence on marrying kin is … off.

Anyhow, while this is nominally words of advice for the son before he goes on a journey, the overall sense is that this is Tobit’s last words of advice.  He doesn’t know if he’ll ever see his son again, and wants to give lots of good advice.  That’s why he goes on so much about things that really won’t relate to the journey, like marriage and giving alms.

CHAPTER 5

Enter Raphael.  Tobit wants his son to have someone go with him to Media and back.  After all, the kid doesn’t know the way.  So Raphael (posing as a regular human) makes himself available and gets the job. 

Tobit wants to meet this guy his son will go off with.  Raphael introduces himself saying, “Joyful greetings to you!” and Tobit replies that he has no joy left, an old blind man waiting for death.  Man, that’s like something out a movie it’s so stereotypically downbeat.  At any rate, Tobit wants to know what family Raphael is from and then angel tries to dodge the question before saying something agreeable to Tobit.  That’s right – the angel lies.  He lies to Tobit about his family.  After all, he can’t say he’s an angel.  He claims he’s from a family Tobit knew back in the day. 

Tobit sends the boy and angel off.  Then Tobit’s wife starts weeping, afraid that she’ll never see him again.  Why send him away for a bit of money?  It’s only money.  Y’know, some of these little scenes are affecting. It can easily be left out – the mother is just a side character.  But you can feel her pain.  After all, she’s been given no say in this decision, she just has to accept it.  And her son could be killed or die of natural causes.  Things liked that happened back in the day. 

Tobit cheers her up, saying that a good angel will go with him.  Oh, that’s truer than he knows.  And what a clunky anvil, Bible!

CHAPTER 6

This chapter is the journey.  Along the way, Tobiah is attacked by a river monster in the Tigris.  Yeah, that’s interesting.  The angel Raphael knows what to do, and everything is cool.  In fact, Raphael tells Tobiah to take the gall, heart, and liver – they’re good medicine.  Apparently, the liver and heart can make a smoke that will cause a demon to flee (must be a really smelly smoke!)  The gall can help someone with bird shit in this eyes regain sight.  So this Bible book really isn’t aiming at suspense at all, is it?  We know how the rest will play out.

Sure enough, they arrive and Raphael tells Tobiah some more instructions.  Specifically, he tells the kid to marry Sarah.  She’s nice, pretty, wise, courageous, her dad is a good man – and she’s your closest relative, kid. 

Wait – what?  They’re not only related but …closest relatives? OK, between this and the demon, I can tell why this was left out of most Bibles. 

Tobiah isn’t interested, though.  He’s heard about her – she’s the woman whose husbands keep dying on the wedding night.  Hey, apparently she’s famous in the region.  Bummer for her.  (I wonder why husband #7 married her?  Death wish?  I guess she’s just that hot). 

But Raphael has an answer to Tobiah’s hedging – remember your dad’s advice: marry inside the family.  Wait – how did Raphael know that?  That was before he met Tobiah.  And I don’t know if Tobit meant for his son to get hitched on this trip, but regardless that’s what’ll happen. 

Raphael, naturally, has a plan how to solve things.  Make the smoke for the demon to drive him away.  And then, before you have sex with her, both of you should pray to God for mercy and protection.  Man, that sounds like some kind of mood killer right there. 

By the way, this book has some really, really long verses.  The last verse is (counts) 126 words long.  Maybe that’s one of the signs it was written later. 

Also, Raphael has a bit too much of the action here.  Tobiah is essentially the main character (even if his dad is the title character) and Tobiah just does what he’s told.  He doesn’t have much agency himself, which is unfortunately.  One of my beliefs is that the Bible is at its best when its at its most human, and the big human is a bit of a cipher.  There are great moments, but they are everyone else’s moments – Tobit, Tobit’s wife, Sarah – but not Tobiah. 

CHAPTER 7

So the travelers arrive and when Raguel (Sarah’s father) realizes who Tobiah is, he’s stoked to see him.  He jumps up, kisses him, and breaks into tears.  Man, even Raguel upstages Tobiah in this book. 

Oh, and apparently Sarah and Tobiah are second cousins.  So their marriage would be fine with Moses’ laws, a point made repeatedly here.  So that’s not the reason why the Jews and Protestants leave it out of the Bible. It’s the demon and the way it seemed more like just a fictional story than anything related to the main thrust of the Bible of the Jewish people. Still, the story of marrying your relative sure sounds funny to modern ears.

Quickly, the engagement happens.  As fits the standards of the time, Sarah herself isn’t involved.  Tobiah wants to go through the dad, as was the custom.  Actually, Tobiah wants Raphael to approach the dad for him, but the dad overhears.  Man, even here Tobiah is a non-entity.  Sarah doesn’t find out that she’s engaged for an eighth time until the end of the story.

Question: how old is Sarah anyway?  Old enough to be engaged eight times, and old enough for stories of her wedding nights hell is known for a few days travel at least.  Meanwhile, Tobiah comes off as a green kid.  

Click here for the second half of Tobit.

Tobit main page

Chapters 1 to 7
Chapters 8 to 14

Nehemiah: Chapters 8 to 13

Last time, we met Nehemiah, one of the Bible's great problem solvers.  Now for the second half of the book.

CHAPTER 8

Hey look – it’s Ezra!  The top priest and title character of the previous book makes an appearance here to read the Law of Moses to the people.  He reads the entire bleeping Torah to all in Israel who are old enough to understand.  He wants them to all understand it.  As I noted, Richard Elliot Friedman believes that this is probably the first time the Torah as we know it has been put together, compiled by the various sources from before the Captivity and edited together by Ezra.  Now everyone is told to follow these laws.  The centralization and solidification of Jewish law is underway. 

The Jews go celebrate the Feats of Booth, and we’re told that nothing like this has happened since the time of Joshua.  I believe there was a reading of the law back then, too. 

CHAPTER 9

Most of this chapter is just a poem, telling the story of the Jewish people from Creation to the present day.  It’s nice, but it’s just a brief recap of what I’ve already read.  Also, we’re told that Israelites here separate from their foreign wives, just as Ezra told them to do in the last book.

CHAPTER 10

Some of the Israelite leaders join a pact that says they won’t let their kids marry outside the faith.  If they do, their spouses won’t be accepted as family.  As in Ezra, there is a firm effort to enforce some blood purity.

This has a bit of resonance in my family history.  My great-grandfather (by father’s father’s father) was a Jew who married a Catholic girl.  Their kids were raised Catholic, and this section shows why.  If you marry outside the faith, tradition dictates that this isn’t an opportunity to grow the community by letting new blood in, but a reason to exclude the half-breeds.  My grandfather briefly met his grandfather when he went to the Old World for a few months (long story).  The old man barely said three words to his grandson the entire time they were there.  Great-great grandpa had some bug up his butt, and I wonder if it wasn’t the fact the kid was some half-breed whose mom was from outside the flock. 

CHAPTER 11

This is about resettling in Jerusalem, but its mostly just a list of names and boring stuff. 

CHAPTER 12

This chapter is mostly just a list of priests and the like.  Oh, and they dedicate the wall, finally.  The footnotes say this part probably belongs after Chapter 6, when they’ve finished building the wall, but its way back here instead.  Go figure. 

CHAPTER 13

After several slow chapters without much Nehemiah, our favorite Biblical problem solver is back in action – and boy and how! 

He apparently went back to the Persian capital to stay in the good graces with Xerxes.  After spending enough time there, he heads back to Jerusalem – and dammit, these people can’t do anything right in his absence.

Some jerk has taken up residence in God’s house.  People aren’t giving portions of what they harvest to the Levites.  So the Levites have to go out into the field.  People aren’t observing the Sabbath worth a fart (especially not merchants).  Oh, and people have gone back into mixed marriages.  Will these Children of Israel ever grow up?

Never fear – Capt. Problem Solver is here!  He has the jerk thrown out of the temple, berates everyone into giving tithes to the Levites (so they don’t have to work in the fields anymore and can concentrate on their jobs).  He first fires a few warning shots about observing the Sabbath, and then clamps down.  The upshot is the gets it observed without really hurting people.  He does beat some people for mixed marriages, but gets that cleared up.  Yup, just another day in the life of our favorite problem solver.

Interestingly, he justifies the mixed marriage ban not by saying its necessary for group cohesion, but by pointing at Solomon.  If even the great wise Solomon, the heir and son of the beloved David – if even he can’t manage to stay on the straight and narrow when marrying foreign women, what hope do the rest of you have. 

Also, Nehemiah goes out of his way to point out the great job he’s doing.  He writes down at one point, “Remember this to my credit, my God!  Do not forget the good deeds I have done for the house of my God and its services!”  There is something just charmingly self-promotional about all that.

In “Who Wrote the Bible,” Richard Elliot Friedman notes that the heir/descendent of David is among those going back with Ezra, and Nehemiah.  He’s mentioned in passing (so much in passing that I missed it even though I was looking for it) with the rest – but then never mentioned again.  Odd, given the primacy placed on the House of David in the Bible, especially Chronicles.

Well, it’s less odd when you look at Ezra and Nehemiah.  What odds does an heir have against those two?  One is a great priest central in the solidification of the religion.  The other is Captain Problem Solver.  The heir can’t stand up to Ezra in religion, and the latter dynamo can push him aside with no problem if he needs to.  Heck, I wonder if the heir was in charge when things went to hell just before Nehemiah’s return in Chapter 13 here.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

It’s a mixed bag.  Many of the chapters are pretty dull and forgettable.  But Nehemiah himself is the most engaging Biblical character since …….since Elijah or Elisha?  Yeah, maybe.  Or Ahab and Jezebal.  Someone from around that era.  But that was way back in Kings I and Kings II, so it’s been a while. 

And what makes Nehemiah so notable is that he comes to life through his own writings.  He isn’t doing miraculous things, but just getting shit done. 

Click here to start the next book- Tobit.

Nehemiah: Chapters 1 to 7

Last time was Ezra.  Now for Nehemiah.

CHAPTER 1

The Book of Nehemiah is basically telling the same story as the Book of Ezra: the return of the Jews from Babylon.  However, whereas that book was from the point of view of a priest, Nehemiah is a politician.

This begins with Nehemiah in Persian, and he hears that Jerusalem has fallen into total disrepair.  He’s horrified and weeps to God, hoping that God will remember to have mercy on his people once they atoned for their previous transgressions.  This is pretty standard stuff, and pretty short (11 verses).

CHAPTER 2

Nehemiah is at the table of King Xerxes.  OK, this is the second or third Persian emperor since the fall of Jerusalem, and we’re told that it’s the 20^th year of his reign, so clearly Nehemiah isn’t hurrying back too soon.  Anyhow, our main character sits at Xerxes’s table, and the emperor notices that Nehemiah is blue. Nehemiah explains the problems at Jerusalem and the emperor gives him a blank check to fix the place up.  In ancient Greek history, Xerxes is a bad guy.  He’s the guy who invaded Greece.  But the Jews love him. 

So Nehemiah goes to Jerusalem and, problem solver that he is, immediately begins planning to rebuild the wall.  Now the first act is over and we’ve found out main event for this Biblical book – building the city wall.  You also get the entry of the bad guys – the gentiles of the land.  Here they just mock the Jews, but they’ll soon be a much bigger problem.

CHAPTER 3

This is a dull chapter that just catalogues the people who involved in the building project.  

It picks up a little at the end when we return to the plot.  The enemies mock the Jews and try to oppose their efforts.  Frankly, they seem worried.  After all, Judah had once been the imperial power, and it doesn’t sound like they appreciate a possible return to prominence for its people. The building of the all quickly gets going, though, and they soon have it halfway built.

Also, and I could be wrong about this, but I believe this is where we first encounter a brand new word in the Bible: Jew.  You can’t have that word for much of the Bible.  The word Jew comes from Judah, the main tribe of Israel and the major of the two tribes of the Kingdom of Judah.  As long as there are 12 tribes, you can’t say Jews.  As long as there was even a divided kingdom, you can’t use that word.  You could once the Assyrians took over the northern kingdom, but by that time both Kings II and Chronicles II didn’t have much more to go, and I don’t think either said “Jew.”  It would be out of place given the trust is the history of all the tribes, not just the one.  Ezra could’ve mentioned Jews, but if so, I missed it. 

Also, much of this book is written in first person.  Scholars apparently believe that this really is the hand of Nehemiah.  Duly noted.

CHAPTER 4

The wall keeps going up, with gaps in it being filled.  I imagine them using old bits of newspaper and paper mache.  At any rate, now the plot kicks it up a gear.  The enemies of the Jews progress from mockery to direct action.  They decide to threaten the Jews in Jerusalem, but the builders are tipped off.  Nehemiah has them take up arms.  From here on out, half will build and half will guard.  That’ll slow up work, but then again it’ll allow work to continue, because the enemies won’t attack when the Jews can defend themselves.  Building continues, from sun up to sun down.

CHAPTER 5

Now we get a new wrinkle in construction – Jews exploiting other Jews.  Apparently, the moneylender Jews are forcing the others into debt and poverty and the others don’t like it one bit.  For Nehemiah’s construction project to work, he needs people to stay united. 

Always the problem solver, Nehemiah takes action to keep things going.  He approaches the moneylenders and chews them out.  Don’t you know you’re not supposed to charge interest to other Jews? He lays into them and they back down entirely, agreeing to return everything and exact nothing further from their brethren.  Crisis averted, so the building can proceed apace. 

Also, we get a brief bit noting what an upright, honest governor Nehemiah was.  He didn’t ‘take any money as food allowance, though he could’ve and previous governors had.  Nehemiah is really coming off good here, people.

CHAPTER 6

The enemies are getting desperate.  The wall is nearing completion and all their fiendish plans have come for naught.  At this point, I’m imagining the area gentiles led by Dick Dasterdly and Muttley the Mutt. 

Time for a new plan.  They say they want to meet Nehemiah to discuss things with him.  Nehemiah quickly surmises that “discuss things with him” means “murder him in cold blood” and politely declines, saying he’s too busy in Jerusalem.  They keep trying, but he keeps declining. 

Now Dick Dasterdly starts spreading rumors that the Jews are plotting a rebellion.  Nehemiah denies it.  Wow, that was an easy plot to foil.

They still have one trick up their sleeve.  Dick and Muttley get a prophet to tell Nehemiah that people are coming to kill him, so he should hide in the Temple.  Wait – the Temple?  That’s sacred territory.  No way he’s entering that.  He sees through this plan.  It’s a plan to make him look like a coward – one willing to violate God’s orders.  So he blows it off. 

And the wall is finished.  It took just 52 days.  OK, I’m impressed.  With all of these stories, I figured it was taking months or ever years.  52 days!  Man, Nehemiah is one of the best problem solvers in the Bible.  He’s the Joseph of his time.  Come to thing of it, Joseph was an administrator, too. 

CHAPTER 7

Time for the big dedication of the newly walled city.  But first a census.  It’s a very long, dull chapter that just lists people, but at the end we’re told there are 42,360.  That’s the same number as in Ezra.

There is a key difference, though.   In Ezra they came right away, whereas here the census comes in the reign of Xerxes, not Cyrus the Great.  Did they really have a completely stable population for all that time?  Color me deeply skeptical.  They had a census taken, OK, but then the Bible writers but the numbers at two different places.  It was right once, probably here, as 42,360 coming out at once are too big a group to be manageable. 

Click here for the rest of Nehemiah.