Sunday, September 22, 2013

Chronicles I: Chapters 10 to 19

Last time, a bunch of people were begotted.  Now for a retelling of the times of David.


CHAPTER 10

This is just re-hashing the end of Samuel I.  Saul dies, with his sons.  We’re given a morality lesson at the end, that Saul died because, “of his treason against the Lord in disobeying his word, and also because he had sought counsel from a ghost, rather than from the Lord.”  Yeah, we got that back in Samuel I, thanks.

CHAPTER 11

Now David becomes king.  This section repeatedly says that “all Israel” came out for him.  I could be wrong, but I believe this book completely skips over the civil war that David had to win to claim the throne. (Along those lines, last chapter said Saul’s “whole house” died in that battle against the Philistines, while there were actually some survivors (and that helped lead to the civil war glossed over here).

So this chapter is establishing David’s legitimacy as king, and willfully passing over some details in the process.  Then David captures Jerusalem, decreeing that whoever first strikes a resident will be the head of his army. Joab does it, and becomes took military leader for the rest of David’s lifetime.

Oh, and we get a boring list of David’s warriors.  Gee thanks.  Apparently whoever wrote this was incapable of going more than a few chapters without boring everyone with a list.

CHAPTER 12

Oh, it looks like we’ll get a little of the civil war after all. Eh, whatever.  This mostly discusses a list of some of David’s early followers. 

CHAPTER 13

Now David decides to transport the ark of the Lord to Jerusalem.  Chronicles I is mostly a far worse retelling of Samuel II.  It’s pointless. 

CHAPTER 14

David fights the Philistines and beats them up.  It sounds like David gets the Philistines to give up their gods.  I don’t recall that happening in Samuel.  I doubt it took.

CHAPTER 15

Two chapters ago, David decided to move the ark of the Lord.  Now we’re doing that again. It isn’t exactly the same as Chapter 13 – it’s more like a continuation of it.  But it’s really dumb to but Chapter 14 in the middle, totally disrupting the narrative flow.  Then again, the narrative flow is watching paint dry, so at least the disruption keeps me awake.

The chapter also makes sure to note that David let the Levites play a key role in this affair.  We get names of every Levite associated with the move.  Clearly, whoever wrote this was a priest, and he assumed that priestly functions were the most important thing out there.  This is like Leviticus, except without any important laws and about stuff we already know. 

CHAPTER 16

Now that the ark of the Lord is in Jerusalem, there is another chapter about celebrating that fact.  Yeah, three of the last four chapters have been about moving the fucking ark.  This is a long song given that apparently splices together parts of Psalms 96, 105, and 106.

CHAPTER 17

It’s more of Samuel II.  This time, we re-learn about David wanting to build a temple for God, only to have Nathan say your son will do that.  Also, we get the Lord’s covenant with David.  Yes, again.

CHAPTER 18

David has some successful military campaigns.  This one features one notable, new detail.   After he beats the King of Zobah, he has all his chariot horses hamstrung.  There are 1,000 chariots and 7,000 horsemen, so that’s a lot of hamstrung horses.  PETA will be pissed for sure.

Also, the guy David beat before practicing cruelty against animals had pals from the Euphrates reinforce him, so I guess this is part of the rationale that David’s kingdom went all the way to the big river – though it pretty clearly didn’t.

Finally, David beats Edom and subjugates it.  I believe this actually did show up at one point earlier, but I missed it then.  But yeah – Edom will belong to the House of David for centuries now.

CHAPTER 19

I actually went back and checked.  This just rehashes Chapter 10 of Samuel II.  I remember the story of the emissaries David sent out who had their beards shaved, and he told them to stay in Jericho until it grew back.  Here it is.  Again. 

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