Joshua: Chapters 19 to 24

Last time, nothing interesting happened.  Now, it's time to finish the sixth book of the Bible.

CHAPTER 19

Now for everyone else. Simeon – here’s your land.  You too, Zebulun.  And Issachar, Asher, Naphtali, and Dan.  I wonder why the other tribes get so much time.  I suppose that’s who was in the Kingdom of Judea.  I know that Judah was obviously, and they kept Benjamin with them, which is why they’re in the previous tribes.  These tribes will end up in the northern kingdom of Israel and then destroyed, so there is less interesting in going into detail here.

OK, so why spend so much time on Joseph’s tribes?  That I really can’t say.  I suppose it’s because of Joseph’s historical importance among the sons.  Or maybe more of the refugees from the north were from those tribes.  I really don’t know.

Oh, and Joshua gets a city to himself.  It’s Timmah, whatever the hell that is. 

One last thing – they are apparently putting the tent of the Lord in the town of Shiloh.  That will remain the main religious center for Israel for quite some time as a result.

CHAPTER 20

It’s time for another incredibly short chapter – just nine verses.  This is just a cities of refuge.  As noted (repeatedly) in the Torah, these were places a man could flee to upon committing accidental murder.  He’d be safe there and the elders would investigate and come to terms to resolve the matter. Moses said they should have them, so now they’ll create them.  Sensibly, they space them out among the people – five in all by my count.

CHAPTER 21

One last chapter of divvying up the land.  Now that the tribes are done, time for the Levites.  They get a bunch of cities – 48 in all we’re told. 

Then the chapter ends by saying God has done all that he’d once told Abraham he’d do, give the land to his descendents. (Note: on other occasions the Book of Joshua says it’s still incomplete, with other people still living in the area, most notably in Jerusalem.  Ah well). 

CHAPTER 22

Well, now for something we haven’t seen in quite some time – something interesting. 

The eastern tribes – Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh – are told they can take their land east of the Jordan River.  Joshua makes very clear as they leave, though, that they are to stay tribe to God and the laws laid down in Moses.

Well, they leave and controversy almost immediately erupts – they build their own altar.  My golly, is this ever a big no-no.  Remember: this chapter is believed to have been written by the same guy that did Deuteronomy.  That book strongly stressed the importance of centralized religion and only having the one main altar.  Now that’s going by the wayside. 

So the tribes west of the Jordan are furious and go to Joshua.  He and the eastern tribes take arms and decide to march on the western tribes.  They’re not going to fight, yet.  They’re just going to ask, “The hell?” but if they don’t get a satisfactory answer, they’ll take action right away.  Israel is on the verge of civil war, so soon after their victories. 

Are you guys worshipping other gods?  That’s the big question.  And the eastern tribes then give a satisfactory answer.  Oh, hell no!  We’re all about following’ God’s laws!  This alter?  This one here?  That’s just a symbol of the one in Jerusalem, so our kids will be aware of it and follow God’s laws in the years from now.  Writing it down like that, it sure sounds like a weak story, but the eastern tribes are happy.  The easterners are going to follow God’s law and observe centralized religion all at the same time. 

In his book,”The Good Book,” Daniel Plotz argues that this is an important chapter, because you remove a specific place from the worship of God.  You can worship God even if you’re not in the Promised Land’s main altar.  Well, that isn’t quite what the book says, though. 

Also, there is a quick side note.  At one point the eastern tribes defend themselves by saying, “The LORD is the God of gods.”  Yeah – that implies other gods actually exist.  He’s the most powerful, but the others are still there.  Again, we see a sign of this religion evolving out of polytheism. 

CHAPTER 23

Now Joshua is old and on the verge of death and he’s going to give his final speech.  It’s Joshua’s Farewell Address.  Being Joshua, it isn’t very memorable.  Mostly, he just says to make sure you observed the laws of Moses and the ways of God.  There’s no interpreting it, just follow along.  Joshua doesn’t really add much to the mix, he’s just about implementing what those before said.  I wouldn’t mind that, but his way of implementing is genocide. 

Oh, and the author made sure to put in a warning – follow God’s laws or he’ll abandon you.  DavidElliot Friedman argues that stuff like this was edited in later after Judea fell.  By just putting a few things like this in, you create some foreshadowing and can explain what did eventually happen.

CHAPTER 24

Time for Joshua’s farewell ceremony.  He’s still talking and he very briefly recaps Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, and even this book of Joshua.  This recapping takes 13 verses.  Clearly, he isn’t as longwinded as Moses. 

And Joshua even gets another covenant made here.  He gets everyone to agree that they will continue to follow God’s laws.  They agree.  He tells them that God is a passionate god (again, that implies there are other gods), so they better be sure to live up to their vow, or God won’t forgive them.  (Wait – elsewhere the Bible stresses God’s forgiveness).  They all pledge not to follow foreign gods. 

Then he dies, at age 110.  This presents a problem for me.  Up until now, I’ve always been keeping track of how long things have been since creation.  But I don’t know when Joshua was born in relation to all the rest.  Was Joshua 40 when they left Egypt?  That would make him 80 when they got here and thus he dies 30 years later.  At earliest, he was 20 when the Exodus happened, so this would be 50 years after crossing the river. 

Anyway you slice it, I’m now off the map of dates.  I get the feeling that from this point on, you have to date backwards.  Checking wikipedia, it says Joshua lived from 1355 to 1245 BC and that Moses lived 1391 to 1271 BC.  So Joshua outlived Moses by 26 years, making him 94 when Moses died.  Really?  Checking elsewhere, dates are all over the map.  The Chronology of the Bible pages says the acts of Joshua, Judges, and Saul are from 1476 BC to 1040 BC.  Yeah, that’s not even close, not at all close to what I had above.

Let’s see, my own numbers say that Moses dies 2,708 years after creation.  Now, if the world was supposedly created in 4004 BC, which means Moses dies in 1296 BC. Now, I’m sure I’ve made some mistakes in my pen-and-paper tallying, but I guess I’ll go with Joshua died in 1245 BC.

Think those last few paragraphs were boring?  Trust me – that last half of Joshua is much, much duller.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

This is a horrible book of the Bible, the worst so far.  It’s horrible, just terrible. 

The first half is genocide, and the last half is dull.  Should I accept that the killing is justified because God tells Joshua it’s OK?  I can’t imagine why I should.  After all, I don’t like it when people now feel their justified in killing others because of God, so why would I feel it about people then? 

Abraham debated things with God.  Moses debated things with God. Jacob literally wrestled with God.  Joshua just nods his head and goes “OK.”  Want me to wipe out entire peoples?  (Shrugs).  Sure, why not?  Joshua is a cipher.  He’s just a walking sword, without much personality or humanity behind him; which I guess makes sense given the lack of humanity in the first half of this book.  Joshua reminds me of Todd from the TV show Breaking Bad.  He’s a nice, polite man who carries himself well when dealing with people, but if he has to murder a 12-year-old kid who just saw them rob a truck, then fine – you shoot the kid dead.  Then you go home, say “Shit happens” and get a good night’s sleep.  He’s a nice, polite, stone cold killer.

And the back half of the chapter is the worst kind of boring – boring with no real lasting importance.  At least the boring parts of Leviticus told you about the beliefs, values, and practices of the ancient Hebrew – and you can see how those values have shaped us ever since.  Joshua’s boring parts are nothing like that.  It’s just a bunch of land being divvied up; land for a kingdom that ceased to exist nearly 3,000 years ago. 

So half is morally repellent, and the other half is artistically bankrupt.  This is easily the worst book of the Bible so far.

EDITED to add: Click here to begin Judges, the next book in the Bible.

Joshua: Chapters 13 to 18

Last time, Joshua finished his conquest/genocide, and got into the boring part of handing out land.  This time, it stays boring as the Bible spends way too much time discussing  which tribe gets what plot of land.

CHAPTER 13

OK, I got a laugh at how this chapter started off: “When Joshua was old and advanced in years, the Lord said to him: Though now you are old and advanced in years” – HA!  That’s just, well, not the best-phrased part of the Bible.  It reads like unintentional comedy, like some snarky narration at work or something.  I dunno – I laughed.  And I could use a laugh in Joshua.

Anyhow, despite the widespread slaughter, it turns out its not a completed jobs.  There are still plenty of non-Hebrew out there, but you know what?  Shit has been going on long enough and enough land has been taken – time to divide up the land already.  Two and a half tribes already have their land on the east of the River Jordan.  Time to dole out the Land of Milk and Honey to the rest. 

Wait, actually we’re just discussing the land to be given to the guys who will live east of the River Jordan.  So we get a detailed description of what will be given to Reuben, Gad, and half of Manasseh and where each of their clans will be found within the land.  (I’m not nearly interested enough to look this up, but I bet the list of clans correlates with the list of kids of the tribes given earlier in the Bible (and probably again over in Chronicles). 

But that’s all this chapter is.  And it’s boring.

CHAPTER 14

More land divvying.  At least it’s a short chapter – just 15 verses.  Most of it is on Caleb, the faithful spy who (along with Joshua) was the only one from that generation allowed to live to see the Promised Land.  Well, he’d been promised his own personal chunk of land back then and now he wants it.  So he gets it – Hebron.

Also, we get a date in this.  Caleb says he was 40 when he was a spy and is now 85.  So it’s been five years since the crossing.  So the first 13 chapters took about five years time. 

CHAPTER 15

More boring bookkeeping.  This is just on the land given to Judah, and there is nothing to it really. It’s just a list of places you’ve never heard of.  Technically speaking it’s a very long Bible chapter, 63 verses.  But it’s not nearly as bad as it sounds.  The last 44 verses take up barely more than half a page.  It’s just a list of cities.  Really, just a list of cities inside Judah.  And for whatever reason that list of cities has very few words per verse.  The same thing happened back in Chapter 12 – the list of 31 kings took 16 verses.  Uh, OK.  Can’t say I understand that one very well.

CHAPTER 16

This is an extremely short chapter – just 10 verses.  None of those verses are interesting. Now we’re moving on to the tribes of Joseph – Ephraim and Manasseh.  In this chapter, Ephraim gets their land.  That is all.

CHAPTER 17

Man, the author of Joshua really let himself get bogged down in the details, didn’t he?  It’s more land-giving-out. Last time was Ephraim – so now it’s Manasseh.  There is a little big on female inheritance and how some daughters who have no brothers can inherit their land to keep it in the tribe.  OK, but it was covered back in the Torah (Numbers, I believe). 

The two tribes of Joseph complain that they’re not getting enough land, but Joshua shuts them up.  He should’ve told them “Look, you’ll get so much Bible space!  A few who chapters to you guys!  Just wait until you see how comparatively little time I spend on the non-Judah tribes west of the Jordan River!”  But perhaps that’s a spoiler on my part.

CHAPTER 18

OK, now for the other seven tribes.  Half of this chapter is just on all seven in general.  Then Benjamin gets the second half of the chapter.  There isn’t much interesting to say.  Oh, this tribe apparently gets Benjamin, which is interesting in that it’s not even under Israeli control until King David.  But the land was divided up during Joshua even though the conquest wasn’t really completed.

EDITED to add: click here for thoughts on the last chapters of Joshua.

Joshua: Chapters 7 to 12

Last time, Joshua and the gang invaded Canaan.  Now, let's see how the invasion is going:

CHAPTER 7

Now the Israeli forces suffer a setback and have to recover.  They go to attack a place called Ai and even though it’s small and the Hebrew expect a cakewalk, they get beaten up but good. 

How can that be if God’s on their side?  Well, someone violated the Lord’s word.  He told them to destroy everything in Jericho; they weren’t to loot.  Well, one guy looted – and of course God knows about it, being God and all. 

First Joshua needs to find all this out, though.  When he hears of the lost battle, he freaks out, imploring to God how could he do something like this.  Now our enemies will gather strength and destroy us!  The Lord’s reply is abruptly funny: “Stand up.  Why are you lying there?”  Heh.  Man up, nancy prophet.  Then God gives Joshua the news and calls for the investigation. 

They find out who broke God’s word and he is killed – stoned to death by the people.  Hey, wait: God told Joshua the bad guy would be destroyed by fire.  But no, just a stoning.  It had to be a stoning, as we’re told, “they piled a great heap of stones” over him, a heap, “which remains to the present day.”  Again, I prefer to think backwards.  First you start with the object, and then oral tradition fills in a story behind it.  Maybe the oral tradition is based on something; maybe there is a stoned corpse beneath it. 

But the story here I find a tad hard to believe.  For this army to succeed, even just one soldier acting out of line will cause it to come crashing down.  C’mon!  Has there ever been an army so pure and so holy that not one single soldier would do this.  Yeah, I know it’s Biblical times and they have Lord’s presence and they’ve seen the Jordan River stop flowing and the walls of Jericho tumble, but then again the generation before saw much more impressive stuff and they never stopped complaining.  Leaving an army’s success to the morality of the least ethical soldier in it sounds like a great way to lose, not win.

CHAPTER 8

OK, now it’s payback time on Ai.  Joshua has solved the problem so its time to get it.  They lay a trap.  One party led by Joshua goes out before Ai and let’s Ai’s warriors drive them backwards.  One that’s down, another Hebrew force in the rear of the town falls upon the now defender-less town of Ai.  The warriors of Ai see their city in flames, and then Joshua’s group wheels around and slaughters the now crestfallen Ai’rs.  It’s a nifty bit of strategy – and it has the inevitable grizzly conclusion: no survivors.

Operation Genocide is still a-go. 

The Bible tries to parallel Joshua with some key figures earlier, so let me do a little bit of that now on my own.  Let’s compare him with Abraham.  In Genesis, Abraham debated with God.  He questioned and probed God, most notably about God’s plans for Sodom and Gomorrah.  That made Abraham a more compelling and memorable figure. 

There is no sign of that here, and Joshua has maybe better reasons to question.  Abraham questioned if God was right to slaughter entire cities on his own, while Joshua is commissioned by God to slaughter entire cities.  Shouldn’t that give any more pause?  No, guess not. It certainly doesn’t give any pause for Joshua.  There is not much internal dialogue or sense of a person there.  He is just a thug.  He is the Lord’s own mass murder.  Joshua is the Heinrich Himmler of ancient Canaan.  Or perhaps it’s better to say Joshua is the Adolf Eichmann.  After all, it’s a study of Eichmann that gave raise to the phrase “the banality of evil.”  And Joshua isn’t very memorable as a person to me.  He’s banal.  I know it sure sounds funny to say a guy’s “evil” when he’s doing the Lord’s work in the Bible, but he’s literally engaging in genocide.

Oh, and Joshua orders the king hung up in a tree until the next day. That’s a pure display of power.  It reminds me of stories of lynchings.  I’m sure if he had the technology, he’d take photos and maybe even turn the photos into postcards. 

There is a background behind this, though.  We’re told the ruins exist to the present day and that a pile of stones over the king still exists.  Again, start with the objects and work backwards.  Any ruins you can find in Israel that predate memory are ruins you can pin on Joshua. 

CHAPTER 9

Now for the highlight of the Book of Joshua so far.  This is easily my favorite part.  And it’s someone getting the better of Joshua.  No, it’s not by force.  That would be just more repetitive fighting.  Someone outwits him. 

The people of Gibeon hear what success the Hebrew are having, how powerful their God is, and what their goals are.  Naturally, the Gibeonites are pissing their pants in fear.  But they are smart ones.  They have a plan.  They send out emissaries to see Joshua and the gang.  They intentionally give the emissaries older looking clothes and old sacks to put on their donkeys. They make them look like they came from far away.

And that’s the story.  The emissaries tell Joshua: Hi!  We’re from far away and we’ve heard how awesome your God is!  Good for you guys!  We’re from far away!  We want to be friends – even though we’re so incredibly far away!  Joshua and friends fall for it hook, line, and sinker.  The Bible says they didn’t even consult with God about it.  Stupid.  But the Gibeonites get what they wanted – a peace treaty with Joshua and the Israelites.  It’s a covenant, so the Israelites can’t break it.  Gotcha! 

The Hebrew soon find out, and make the best of the bad hand they’ve dealt themselves.  They make the Gibeonites their vassals, which they can by terms of the treaty.  The Gibeonites become slaves.  They are to only be “hewers of wood and drawers of water for the community and for the altar of the Lord.”  They sound like ancient Israeli versions of Untouchables, like they have in India. 

Again, start with the world the author knew and work backwards.  You had this class of people who weren’t Hebrew but who had their role and accepted place and tasks, and then the story rises up to explain how this came to be.

One theme in Joshua is the phrase (and variations of it), “as it remains today.”   This constantly pops up.  That’s because we’re now in the Promised Land.  Sure, the patriarchs lived there long ago, but that really was long ago and everything is so much shakier back then. 

CHAPTER 10

Now for one of the most brutal chapters in a brutal book.  Well, it doesn’t start out like that, but it will end up like that. 

It starts off somewhat nicely.  A confederation of kings has decided to attack Gibeon for making nice with the Israelites, and Gibeon appeals to Israel for help.  Joshua does come to help, so good for him there.

And the battle is another famous moment in Joshua – the sun stops in the sky.  Joshua and company are pursuing the kings and Joshua declares, “Sun, stand still at Gibeon” and it does.  Even the Bible writer has to pause for how incredible this is.  Joshua commands the sun to stop – and it does!  That means that God is obeying the voice of man.  Sure, he’d agree with arguments made by Moses and Abraham, but this isn’t a debate.  I guess God cut Joshua some slack for being caught up in the heat of battle. 

And that’s only half of the weirdness of the battle.  Before the sun stops, God gets personally involved.  He throws stones at the other side, we’re told.  Well, a second later it’s clarified that it’s hailstones being thrown.  (Oooohh.  That makes more sense).  But for a few seconds there, that is one heck of a mental image.  God throwing rocks from the clouds! No wonder the Hebrew won the day.

It’s after the battle that things get really brutal.  The Bible writer decided he’s had enough of detailed accounts, and so spends a half-page discussing a bunch more massacres in southern Canaan: Makkedah, Libnah, Lachish, Eglon, Hebron, Debir.  They are all fought for, taken, and massacred.  The Bible is very clear that there are no survivors. 

It’s ethnic cleansing.  It’s out-and-out genocide.  And the Bible seems fine with it. Sure, Joshua is.  I don’t like Joshua.  I don’t like Joshua at all. I like the name.  I’ve known quite a few nice Joshuas in my time.  But this guy is a horrible human being.

CHAPTER 11

And now, to finish off the genocide.  Joshua and pals, fresh off destroying the southern confederation, take on the northern confederation.  Joshua destroys their armies and then wipes out the peoples, “until they had destroyed the last of them, leaving none alive.”  Then the Bible notes that this was as the Lord commanded and as Moses had commanded.  Oh, then I guess a series of massacres of civilians is A-OK then. 

Added bonus, we’re again told that the Lord made the kings’ hearts obstinate, just as he’d done with the pharaoh years ago.  So all the violence and death can be blamed on God.  Thus a deeply unpleasant section of the Bible just got even more unpleasant. 

Verse 21 even uses the word “exterminate.”  I’ll say this much for the Bible, as horrible and nasty as it is at the moment, at least it isn’t trying to sugarcoat anything.  It was mass extermination all right.

CHAPTER 12

Now, after a series of nasty chapters about slaughter and genocide, the Bible completely shifts gears with a series of deeply boring chapters that just count up the spoils.  I always figured the historical section would be interesting, but these next few chapters are a drag.

You get a list of conquered kings.  It spends quite a bit of time on the two kings beaten under Moses reign: Og and Sihon.  Then you get this lengthy list of kings defeated by Joshua.  I counted 31 in all – and then the chapter ends with the Bible agreeing with me, 31 in all. 

Well, at least it’s a short chapter.

EDITED to add: click here for the next chunk of Joshua, Chapters 13 to 18

Joshua: Chapters 1 to 6

Last time, the Torah came to an end and Moses died at the end of Deuteronomy.  Time to move from the Torah to the historical books.  Enter the Book of Joshua:

CHAPTER 1

Well, Moses is dead and that leaves Joshua with some pretty damn big shoes to fill.  This tries to make clear that he’s up to the task.  He might not be the prophet that Moses was, but after someone like Moses, you need someone willing to fulfill the word of the prophet, and that’s our man Joshua.  We’re told here that Joshua observes the laws of Moses – all of the laws.  Also, he recites the law code to the people.  Given that this book is believed to be written by the same person that wrote Deuteronomy, that means he’s really good at repeating the laws of that chapter.  No wonder God tells Joshua, “As I was with Moses, I will b with you.”  So it’s a nice, easy transition from one leader to the next.

And the 12 tribes also pledge allegiance.  Wouldn’t you know it? The 12 tribes are finally going to follow the Lord’s man, and its’ right after Moses’ death.  Just Moses' luck.  They’ve finally come around to his style, and he doesn’t get to enjoy it.

CHAPTER 2

Here is a famous story.  Spies get sent into Canaan in advance, and are saved from discovery in Jericho from a woman named Rahab.  She’s a prostitute.  She helps the spies because she, like apparently all the people of Canaan, have heard how strong the Israelites are, and more importantly how powerful their God is. 

Basically, she’s playing the angles here.  She believes that the Israelites are going to win, so she’s going to curry favor so she lives.  The deal is made, she and everyone in her house will be spared.  The rest of the people of Jericho?  Man, tough shit for them.  They are so dead.  But she’ll be spared.  On the one hand, nice job playing the angles Rahab.  On the other hand – she’s helping facilitate the mass murder of the entire town she’s in.

Really, Joshua promises to be an ugly book.  The back half of the Torah had some statements from Moses on how the Hebrew were justified in slaughtering the inhabitants of the towns in Canaan, sparing not a person. But here we'll actually get the slaughter.

Let’s compare that for a second with what is still my favorite Bible passage so far, Abraham arguing with the Lord over Sodom andGomorrah.  There, Abraham got God to agree to spare the cities if there were just a handful of righteous people living there.  Now?  There is nothing of the sort going on.  They’ll all die and don’t worry about the morality.  Are they bad people or horrible people?  Look, the point is they’re on the land we want.  They make Rahab a likable person, but I’m not sure they’re at all successful.  She’s willing to sell out her own people to save her skin.  That’s conniving and cowardly.  (In her defense, is she supposed to accept death or fight for her own survival?  She can’t save everyone).

Interestingly, it looks like the people of Canaan are more observant of God than the Hebrew are.  Rahab tells the spies about how they know of the Lord’s deeds and his strength.  The Canaanites have already lost all faith that they can win.  Meanwhile, the Hebrew themselves have been giving God and Moses a hard time (though by now they’ve come around).

This actually brings up an old issue: just how monotheistic were the ancient Hebrew?  Was God the God of all, or were they just fortunately that the most powerful God out there was their God?  Think about it: if the people of Canaan believe in and recognize that God is real and powerful (as they clearly do) then shouldn’t they be part of the faith?  It’s not about faith, though, it’s about ancestry. God here is entirely parochial.  He cares about this group of people because they’re his.  Then again, if he’s so all-powerful, why only care about one group.  God began in the origins of Near East religion, a god of a people, but over time transformed into GOD.  You can see elements of both here, though frankly he comes off more like a parochial god in a polytheistic universe here.

CHAPTER 3

This is pretty much just a logistical chapter.  They prepare to cross, and they’ll bring the ark of the tabernacle with them.  No one is to come within 2,000 cubits and the ark (except the priests, of course).

And here we get the first miracle of Joshua: the river stops flowing.  As soon as the priests’ feet touches the water of the Jordan River, the upstream waters stop flowing downstream, leaving a river bed behind that the Israeli can walk across. 

Nice miracle, but it reads like a knock-off of Moses parting the Red Sea.  Joshua is coming off like a mini-me version of Moses, which is probably the point.

CHAPTER 4

This chapter celebrates the previous one.  To commemorate the miraculous river crossing, Joshua orders 12 stones assembled, one for each tribe.  They are to tell their children from then on what the stones represent and what it means.  It works, as the Bible declares of the stones, “They are there to this day.” 

OK, so non-believer that I am, I start re-engineering this.  The stones were first erected, and then slowly over time the story created.  Maybe it was just a ceremony of unity among the 12 tribes.  From what little I know of Biblical scholarship, one theory is that the Israeli were a coupling of two groups: one a bunch of herdsmen from the area who traced their lineage to the patriarchs, and the other a smaller group that traced their history back to Moses and an escape from Egypt.  (Richard Elliot Friedman pondered that the smaller, landless Levi tribe might be this group).

Anyhow, as the two stories co-mingled into one, with a story of promised land and Moses, people saw the 12 stones together and began to think: hey, maybe this is where we crossed over.  Rumor became theory that became legend that became conventional wisdom – and then people started writing down the Bible. 

That’s my take on it anyway.

Also, for some strange reason the back half of this chapter largely repeats the first half.  I don’t know why, but you get the 12 stones set up twice and Joshua’s words on what it means a second time.  It’s a weird internal doublet. 

I know modern Biblical scholarship explains the doublets of the Torah with the notion that they were stories written by different authors at different times.  OK, but Joshua was supposed to be written by one game at one time.  So how do the scholars explain this?  I have no idea. 

CHAPTER 5

The center of this chapter is an odd story – God commands Joshua to circumcise all the Israelites.  The idea that they should be circumcised isn’t odd.  But the notion that they haven’t been at all yet is very strange. The Bible says that the generation that grew up in the wilderness never had it done to them.  Well – why in heck not? That’s the symbol of Abraham’s covenant, after all.  Moses was a stickler for God’s law and despite leading the Hebrew for 40 years in the wilderness, he let this completely slide?  That is entirely out of character for him. 

What the hell is going on?  As near as I can tell, this story is about making Joshua look good.  Also, it helps parallel Joshua with some other Bible honchos.  Abraham had all the men in his group snipped back in the day.  For that matter, when Moses first set out for Egypt, he has his son circumcised.  Now Joshua is fulfilled a similar role. He’s the Abraham and Moses of his generation. 

Also, the story notes that the place where this occurred is known as Gilgal to the Hebrew, and exists “to the present day.”  Well, the footnotes tell me that Gilgal means “I have removed.”  Something happened there no doubt.  Maybe Joshua did lead a circumcision or maybe it was just some ritual purification thing or – I dunno.  But you begin with the event and end with a story making him the second Moses.

Speaking of attempts to parallel Joshua with figures from the Torah, how about some Jacob?  Joshua sees a man with a drawn sword and learns that this man is the command of the army of the Lord.  It isn’t the same as Jacob wrestling with God, but it’s the most similar thing to it.  Whoever wrote this book really thought Joshua was a seminal figure.  But I have to admit, all these stories are beginning to feel a bit second hand to me.  It’s like a cover band doing Torah’s greatest hits!  Instead of making Joshua seem big, it’s starting to make the thing seem a bit creaky.  It’s an unimaginative sequel to a box office success.

Speaking of paralleling Joshua to previous stories (and making him look inadvertently smaller in the process), the Bible rehashes my favorite single line from the Torah when Joshua meets God’s military commander.  The angel tells Joshua: “Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy.”  That is exactly what God told Moses at the burning bush.  It’s a great line – but it’s already been used.  Get some fresh material, Joshua! 

CHAPTER 6

So far, too much of Joshua has been him performing revised versions of other leaders’ greatest hits in a failed attempt at paralleling.  In Chapter 6, Joshua finally comes into his own as an Israeli leader.  He’s not a replacement Moses or an Abraham-lite here.  He’s Joshua, leader in his own terms.

And folks, it’s not a very pretty picture.

This is the most famous moment in the Book of Joshua – Jericho time.  They walk around it for six days blowing their horn.  Then walk around it on the seventh day, blow their horn, have everyone shout and then – as the song says – “the walls came tumbling down.”  OK, that’s neat.  But what happens next is horrible – and sadly, sets the tone for the next several chapters. 

They attack the city and kill everyone inside – “men and women, young and old, as well as oxen, sheep, and donkeys.”  The city is entirely laid to waste.  It’s Sodom and Gomorrah.  Well, like Sodom and Gomorrah, there are a few survivors: Rahab and her family are left alone.  That’s some deal she made.  OK, you can live, but you every person around you who isn’t related to you will die.  That’s a hell of a philosophical question --- would you take this offer if you were Rahab?  Talk about survivors’ guilt!

Then comes an interesting coda at the end.  We learned that Rahab’s family are still allowed to live, and they still “dwell in the midst of Israel to this day.”  Interesting.   So what are we to make of this?

Well, there was a religious tradition of this land being the Promised Land for the Hebrew, but there were still non-Hebrew there that were accepted as proper occupants of the land as well.  So a story came about to explain it.  They are allowed to stay because they helped out during the conquest.  Ah, OK.  Also, by making the only named person in the clan a prostitute, you can denigrate them a bit while still accepting their continued existence.  They are all allowed to live with us, but they’re all sons of whores.  This story probably evolved over the centuries and was already an accepted story by the time the author wrote it down here. 

This leads to the question of why have this horrible story of Jericho in the Book of Joshua in the first place.  Modern carbon dating and all that confirm that Jericho was already a ruin at the time that the Hebrew were supposed to enter the Promised Land.  Archeologically, the Hebrew story just doesn’t hold up.  Odds are, the fact that Jericho was already a ruin explains the story.  It was a ruin in pre-Hebrew times and remained a ruin afterwards, so the Hebrew asked why did this city collapse and came up with their answer.  Well, we know Joshua led the forces in, and this has been a ruin for so long – it must’ve been Joshua’s doing. In fact, the Bible tells us that Joshua put a curse on whoever would try to rebuild it. 

So the story in the Bible is horrible, but the good news is the reality is likely not nearly as bad.  

EDITED to add: click here for Joshua: Chapters 7 to 12

Joshua Main Page

Chapters 1 to 6
Chapters 7 to 12
Chapters 13 to 18 
Chapters 19 to 24

Deuteronomy: Chapters 31 to 34

OK, here it is -- the end of Deuteronomy & the end of the Torah.  Last time, Moses finishes his big speech.  Now it's time to wrap up lose ends.

CHAPTER 31

This is essentially concluding remarks time.  The big finale to the last speech was in Chapter 30, but the big finale isn’t actually the final words. 

Moses says he’s 120 years old and can’t make the journey to the Promised Land.  He tells the children of Israel to be strong and steadfast, for God will never fail or forsake them. He calls on Joshua to lead the Israelites, and calls for the law (the book of Deuteronomy) to be read in front of all Israel every seven years.   

God gives his last words to Moses about the Israelites. (Note: these aren’t his final words to Moses overall, just his final words about the community).  Basically, it’s a downbeat finale.  God says the people will whore themselves out to foreign gods, forget him – and then he’ll become angry with them and forsake them.  (Wait – time out – just 11 verses ago we’re told God will never forsake them.  Well, I guess this means he’ll never permanently forsake them).

That is an incredibly depressing final bit of wisdom for God to give Moses.  These people Moses has led, these people that have given him such a hard time, these people he’s dedicated himself to leading in the right direction – Moses is told shortly before he’s going to die that they’ll continue to fuck up and earn God’s wrath.  Surely this can’t be what Moses wants to hear. Surely he’d like to think that it was just a bad generation, and he cleansed them of their evil ways in the desert.  Nope.  They’ll still suck.

I know why the D author did this.  He wrote at a time when the Hebrew weren’t obeying God’s laws as he saw them and were lapsing.  So he put this scene here to foreshadow what will happen, and make it seem like God knew all along.  But without modern Biblical scholarship, this scene reads like God pulling the rug out from underneath Moses.

The law is placed in the ark, and it’s time for a song. 

CHAPTER 32

This entire chapter is the Song of Moses.  Again, it’s a weird way to end the Torah, as this song is basically a litany of complaints about how rotten the Children of Israel are.  Well, it’s more than that, but that is a large part of it.  They’re called “degenerate children” of “a twisted and crooked generation.”  I assume this refers to the dead generation, not the one about to go into Canaan.

The Lord is awesome for taking care of them, but they are morons for forsaking God.  It doesn’t even read like a song of warning: “Don’t be like this or else.”  It’s more like a song of condemning:  “You’re parents really sucked.  And I mean sucked hard.”  God pointedly said that since they considered him no God, he hid his face from them and declared them no people.

This is the worst halftime speech ever!  These guys are about to go out and invade Canaan, and the song they’re given is this?  Man, play some Smiths – even that would be more uplifting. 

Well, to be fair, it does have a happy ending.  The Lord will raise his sword and whump ass all over the place.  But most of the song is condemning the children of Israel, a mighty strange song to sing to the children of Israel just before they do battle.

I wonder where the song came from?  My hunch is that it was already a traditional song.  I doubt the prophet Jeremiah (if he indeed was the author of Deuteronomy, as Richard Elliot Friedman argues) or whoever wrote it.  This is probably a pre-existing work, that fit the moment perfectly.  Odds are, there was already a tradition that Moses sang this song, so it went here in the story.

And now, for the last time in the Bible, God talks to Moses.  He tells Moses that he won’t see the Promised Land, but he’ll let Moses go to Mount Nebo and see it from a distance.  He’ll give Moses that much.

CHAPTER 33

This chapter is Moses giving a finally blessing to each of the 12 tribes of Israel.  Well, sort of.  He does it to the 12 children of Israel, so Levi is included and Manasseh and Ephraim get paired together as Joseph (though they each get name checked a bit at the end).

Oh, and Moses skips Simeon.  Wait – really?  Yeah, really.  I’ve looked for it several times and I just ain’t seeing Simeon get mentioned here at all.  The hell?  What’s going on there?  I really have no idea, but there you go.

Most get standard blessings with minor alterations, but a few are of note.  Reuben gets a very, very brief one, and it just says, “May Reuben live and not die out, but let his numbers be few.”  As blessings go, that one really sucks.  That’s a sarcastic blessing: “You’re so wonderful that I hope everyone in your entire clan doesn’t die.”  Gee, thanks Moses!

Levi gets a nice, long one.  So does Joseph.  Even if you account for Joseph being the father of two tribes, he stills go on for longer than expected.  Most blessings are a verse, but Joseph’s goes on for five verses.  Gad gets a long one, too for some reasons – two verses, and they’re a little longer than most verses here. 

Issachal and Zebulun get blessed together for some reason.  No idea why.

Then there are some final words for that old gang of Yahweh’s and its time to die.

CHAPTER 34

This is just the death of Moses.  He goes up on the mountain and sees the Promised Land.  He’s earned it.  He dies, and the Bible tells us, “to this day no one knows the place of his burial.”  Interesting. 

There’s never been another prophet like him, we’re told.  Damn straight.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Interesting book.  It’s better than I’d expect for being a bunch of speeches.  And slowing up the reading made me appreciate what was going on, instead of just blowing through it like my previous attempts at tackling it.

Though it does drift aimlessly in the middle, it rises to the occasion for the big moments. 

I call it the “pious fraud” – a phrase not at all original with me – because it was composed during the reign of King Josiah and claimed to be the works of Moses, but I don’t mean that in any especially harsh light.  The D author was genuinely pious and really believed this was the laws of God and that Moses must have spoken this.  These traditions were ones that had been passed down, not that he’d personally invented.  But, yeah, he did engage in fraud passing it off as something ancient.

I’ve recently been re-reading “Who Wrote the Bible?” and Richard Elliot Friedman notes that this is largely a reaction to the P author.  That was a case of a rival group of priests writing down their version of the law, God, and Moses and passing it off as something from Moses, but it angered this author.  So he felt honor bound to write down the “real” version of Moses.  And if that meant he had to put it in Moses’ mouth and claim it was from that time, so be it. As far as the D author was concerned, the laws really were from that time.

EDITED to add: click here to read the next entry - Joshua: Chapters 1 to 6

Psalms 47 to 58

A reader of this blog may not realize this, but I've been reading a psalm or two a day.  I just don't post them everyday because a 1-2 psalm post isn't worth it.  Well, by now a huge pile has built up, so it's time to add it to the blog again.  Last time, I got through Psalm 46.  Taking up from there:

PSALM 47

This is the rock star psalm.  I spent the entire psalm imaging it being sung on stage by a longhaired singer with lights going of all over the place.  It’s the opening line that did it: “All you peoples, clap your hands”  Pretty rock star, no? 

Well, check out the next line: “shout to God with joyful cries.”  OK, obviously more overtly religious than rock stars, but put them together and it sounds like a Psalmist Woodstock getting revved up.

It’s a good thing the opening gave me the hook, because the psalm itself is fairly standard stuff.  It’s praise to the power of the Lord.  There’s really nothing about how people react to God – it’s just how awesome God is.  It’s 10 verses over three stanzas.  So in my mind, the second stanza became the bridge & and I figure a guitar solo can go just before the third stanza.

PSALM 48

It’s another psalm about how powerful and wonderful God is.  These are the psalms that do the least for me.  In psalms, and throughout the Bible as a whole, I find it most interesting when there’s a human element. 

The main distinctive feature here is the emphasis on how much God scares the bejeebers out of kings that oppose him: “terrified, they were put to flight.  Trembling seized them there, anguish like a woman’s labor.”  Not much of a psalm, though.  Not for me anyway.

PSALM 49

Here’s another psalm with a rock star start: “Hear this, all you peoples!  Give ears, all who inhabit the world.”  Rock on, psalm, rock on. 

Eh, it’s another psalm about how wonderful the Lord is.  It’s another psalm that’s more about God than how humans relate to God.  Eh.

There is a bit more than that going on, to be fair.  It’s also a psalm that renounces the pursuit of wealth.  No matter what you have, you can’t take it with you.  For a rich man, “At his death, he will not take along anything, his glory will not go down after him.”  This is an anti-prosperity gospel psalm.  Good for Psalm 49.

Also, it foreshadows Christian theology, as it says God has the power to keep you from the hand of Sheol.  Well, Sheol is the ancient Hebrew concept of the afterlife, and it’s basically just hell.  Well, if God can keep you from going there, where will you go after you die?  The Christian answer, of course, is heaven. 

The psalms give us a window into popular religious belief during the time of the ancient Hebrew.  And it’s out of these popular beliefs that Christianity grew.

PSALM 50

The first part of this is standard talk of how great God is. Then God grabs the mike and lays down a few stanzas.  Well, that’s novel.

The first part is God talking about the righteous and how they’re great and he’ll treat them great in turn.  “They call on me on the day of distress; I will rescue you and you shall honor me.”  Word to the mother, MC God. 

However, rather than dropping the mike and walking off, God flips it around and freestyles on what he’ll do to the wicked.  Short version: bad things, man, bad things.

It’s a different approach to a psalm, which I appreciate.  But I never much cottoned for this notion of Good People and Bad People.  It’s all black and white – no shades of gray.  Yeah, that’s never been my experience with humans.

PSALM 51

This is a psalm associated with a specific event.  The intro says it’s the psalm of David after Nathan the prophet has confronted the king about his affair with Bathsheba. 

Well now is David ever repentant.  Actually, he might be a little too repentant.  He begins off by asking the Lord to have mercy on him, and speaks of God’s merciful love, and abundant compassion.  Yeah, when the sinner starts off by talking how compassionate God is, it’s a way to make a case for himself.  That rings a bit off to me.  If you’re repentant, begin by talking about how horrible you’ve been, not how forgiving your judge is. 

He does get around to discussing how horrible he is, and he sounds very emotional.  Even there, it sounds a bit off.  “I have done what is evil in your eyes.”  Yeah, maybe you don’t need the “in your eyes” qualifier, David.  Also, right before then David says “Against you, you alone have I sinned.” Hey – what about Bathsheba’s husband?  You know, the man you had killed to cover up what you did?  I’d say you sinned before him as well. 

So the prayer for apology strikes me as more self-serving than anything else.

There are some interesting theological dimensions to this psalm.  He mentions the Holy Spirit, so I assume Christians like that. More interestingly, he notes how sacrifices aren’t worth giving because what matters is in a person’s heart, not their deeds.  Huh, so it’s inner faith over outer works for David.  That makes this a more Protestant psalm.  Also, it completely goes against the entire book of Leviticus, which basically argues that you make up for your deeds by giving an offering. 

PSALM 52

This is a denouncing psalm.  The notes say it’s about denouncing people who have chosen the path of power and wealth over the path of the Lord.  And I can see that, it’s clearly like that when it talks of he trusted in the abundance of his wealth, and grew powerful through his wickedness.” This is a poor man’s psalm. 

Normally I like those sorts of psalms, but here it strikes me off.  You see, it’s less about decrying the high and mighty and more about cheering their demise.  The psalm says that the rich think they’re so great with all their wealth and bling – but just you wait.  Someday the true order will be established, and they’ll be cast down. And the righteous who fear God?  “They will laugh at him” ( Him being the rich, not God). 

OK, let’s pause it here for a second.  The rich guy is horrible because he used his power to lord over others and treat them poorly.  But the poor think they’re right and when the true order is established they’ll be on top and the rich guy is on bottom – and they’ll treat the rich guy with such disdain.   So what’s the morality here then?  Both sides think they are right and justified in treating the other like garbage.  This psalm is more morally murky than it looks at first glance.

PSALM 53

This is called “A Lament Over Widespread Corruption” but I don’t see any corruption going on here. It’s just a psalm decrying those who don’t believe in God, which I don’t consider to be at all the same thing as corruption.  A different belief as yours doesn’t make someone corrupt.

Though it’s a short psalm – just seven verses long – it has a lot of the elements I really don’t like.  It sees things in a purely good/bad, black/white manner where there are no shades of gray.  People are either evil doers or they are good.  It’s like a cartoon.

Second, evildoer means someone who doesn’t believe in God.  I find that rather offensive.  And it reminds me a lot of what bothers me about religion and the religious – the holier-than-thou attitude, the sense of self-righteousness, the willingness to be disdainful of someone not like them. 

Look – I’m not saying that all religious people are like that.  Not at all.  I’m not even saying that most are like that.  Not in the least.  That hasn’t been my experience.  But would anyone deny that some religious people are like that?  I can’t imagine anyone would deny it, and if they do – they surely aren’t paying any attention to politics in 21^st century America.  Well, it’s things like Psalm 53 that inspire these worst and most annoying traits in the faithful.

PSALM 54

This is a short psalm, which is largely saying the same thing as many others.  I guy in time of strife is pleading to the Lord for help.  (In fact, it’s attributed to David at the time when Saul was trying to kill him). 

The evil guys are out to get me, please help, you’ve always come through me before.  Yeah, nothing we haven’t seen here before.  Help Obi-Wan Yahweh, you’re our only hope. 

PSALM 55

The longer this psalm went on, the less I liked it.  It starts off with a person going through personal hell.  He rocks with grief, and groans.  He’s in torment, and is speaking to God as a result.  OK, this is one of my favorite themes in the psalms – a person undergoing a sense of crisis and confusion is reaching out to God for help.  That’s as it should be.  And the raw personal emotion is captivating.

Then it’s back to the enemies talk.  I like it more when it’s a person’s internal turmoil, or just ill defined problems.  Among other things, that is more relatable.  We all go through problems we can’t fully deal with.  But how often do we blame them on enemies that seek nothing but evil?  I’d like to think that most of us are more willing to give the benefit of the doubt to our fellow man more often than that.  It reads like something a junior high student might write.  That’s when I associate having problems that can be blamed all on those big bad jerks. 

Then the last stanza begins, “Let death take them.” Oh.  Wonderful.  Yeah, praying to God to help yourself out?  That’s fantastic.  Praying to God for your enemies to die?  Eh, check please.  I frankly barely read the rest of the stanza.  Apparently it’s a bunch of praise to God.  Yeah, you praise God because you think he’ll kill your enemies.  Not awesome.  Waiter – check, please!

PSALM 56

This is another psalm I have trouble relating to.  Early on, it’s more woe-is-me-because-people-are-out-to-get-me.  I get the woe is me part, but not because there are a bunch of cartoonishly evil creatures after me.  And sure enough, they are cartoonishly evil.  In fact, at one point are psalmist flatly declares, “They are evil.”  Oh, well – very well then. 

It’s a psalm of David when the Philistines have captured him, so I guess it makes sense.  But those stories aren’t necessarily ones that I can relate to.  They work in the historical section of the Bible because they are stories, but now we’re just supposed to put ourselves in his shoes and – really?  I don’t see it.  It’s easier to relate to someone in the context of a story, than in the context of a poem. 

PSALM 57

This is another prayer for deliverance.  It’s even titled, “Confident Prayer for Deliverance.”  Very well then.  And it’s another psalm that feels like junior high.  “I must lie down in the midst of lions hungry for human prey.  Their teeth are spears and arrows; their tongue, a sharpened sword.”  Yeah, I was on that school bus. I served time in that gym class. 

So I can relate, but it seems a little odd that I find one of the most beloved parts of the Bible to be operating at the emotional level of a junior high students.

PSALM 58

This one has a memorable title – “The Dethroning of Unjust Rulers” – but is basically a standard good vs. evil psalm with no shades of gray. 

It has some notable imagery – the bad guys are described as, “Their venom is like the venom of a snake, like that of a serpent stopping its ears, so as not to hear the voice of the charmer.”  Wait – snakes don’t have ears.  Ah well, close enough.  Later, the psalmist switches metaphors, imploring, “O God, smash the teeth in their mouths; break the fangs of these lions, LORD.” 

A thing I just noticed writing the above – the people the psalmist disagrees with are being literally dehumanized.  They’re snakes; they’re lions – but their not people.  So it’s easier to have them destroyed.  Yeah, these psalms just don’t do it for me.

EDITED  to add: click here for the next batch of psalms.

Deuteronomy: Chapters 26 to 30

Last time, Moses was, well, rambling.  This time, the speech regains its focus and gives us one mother of a big finish.  Then the third and final speech comes along and plays a bit of good cop.

CHAPTER 26

After several chapters of aimless rambling on various laws, Moses is starting to wrap things up.  It’s kinda boring and there isn’t much to say about it, but it’s nice to see a sense of direction kick in.  This has been like watching a movie that’s gone on too long, with a bunch of reels in the middle that serve no real purpose other than just sit there. 

But now he’s talking about giving thanks, and giving tithes, and then concluding the chapter on the covenant.  OK, so it’s stuff we’ve heard before, but it sure sounds like the boss man is working his way to the big finish.  You can imagine a bunch of Israelis who’ve been nodding off poking each other in the ribs – “Psst!  He’s almost done.  It’s starting to sound important again! Wake up!”

CHAPTER 27

Now we veer into the big finish.  He tells everyone to write down the laws on two big stones and then have everyone pass by the stones on their way to the Promised Land. Yeah, they better be big stones with all the laws he’s spewed out.

And then he gives curses – a dozen curses.  These are curses for bad behavior.  The curses relate to: making a carved or molten idol, dishonoring your parents, moving a neighbor’s boundary marker, misleading the blind, depriving the alien or orphan or widow of justice, sleeping with your dad’s wife, having sex with an animal, sleeping with your sister, sleeping with your mother-in-law, secretly striking down your neighbor, killing any innocent, and failing to uphold the laws of God.  Yeah, those are pretty sensible things to curse someone for.  There is a strong theme of looking out for the people in trouble, and also of sexual impropriety.  (That said, none of the sexual impropriety involves homosexual behavior).

CHAPTER 28

OK, this is a long one.  For the last 20 chapters or so, the Bible has hummed along at a very steady clip.  It’s been a chapter per page.  Now this one is double that.  At 69 verses, it ranks as one of the longest in the Bible.  If I recall correctly, the only one longer in the entire Torah is the horrible to read Chapter 7 from Numbers.

Oh – and it’s also the end of this lengthy speech by Moses.  This is the big finish, which is why it goes on for so long.  By being such a long chapter and being the grand finale of Moses’ biggest speech, this is a rather important one.  So what’s he talking about?

DOOM.

Well, there are some opening pleasantries.  Moses does talk a bit about obedience and abundance. But that’s out of the way in the first 15 verses, and the next 50-plus is Moses prophesizing the downside of pissing off the Lord.  Verse 15 begins, “But if you do not obey the voice of God” and all the rest is about all the horrible things that’ll happen to you.

First, you’ll be cursed.  He completely inverts the opening pleasantries.  There he said you’ll be blessed in the city and in the country if the follow God’s laws.  Now they’ll be cursed in the city and cursed in the country.  But that’s not all. You’ll be sent into a panic and made to feel frustrated.  You’ll become sick – violently ill.  You’ll suffer drought where the heavens will “give your land powdery dust.”  Hey, Israel will have a Dust Bowl!  You’ll have boils like the Egyptians did in the plagues.  Skin diseases that make you itch?  Blindness!  Madness!  Panic!  None can be cured!  All it needs is Biblical stage direction of a crash of lighting followed by Moses cackling like a madman.

And Moses is just getting warmed up.  You’ll be oppressed by your enemies.  “Your sons and daughters will be given to another people while you strain your eyes looking for them every day, having no power to do anything.”  Some of these verses must’ve really resonated with Jews after the Holocaust, by the way.

You’ll be sent into exile.  You’ll be laborers, but won’t be able to enjoy the fruit of your labors.  Locusts!  And these curses will keep following on you until you’re destroyed.  And it’ll be the Lord’s doing, too: “He will put an iron yoke on your neck, until he destroys you.”  A nation from far away will take you over. (Re: Persia).  You’ll be put under siege and made to experience a new level of hell. And that’s not even the capper! How bad will it be?  Get a load of this:

“The most refined and fastidious man among you will begrudge his brother and his beloved wife and his surviving children any share in the flesh of his children that he himself is using for food because nothing else is left him”  HOLY SHIT!  Not just cannibalism, but eat-your-own-child cannibalism!  And that’s not all.  The “most And fastidious woman among you” gets her own version – “she will begrudge her beloved husband and her own son and daughter the afterbirth that issues from her womb and the infants she brings forth because she secretly eats them for want of anything else.”  Man, she’ll eat placenta?  

And that’s still not even the capper!  OK, they can’t top that one for disgust, you still get more plagues and last but not least, you’ll be sent into exile.  “So will the LORD now take delight in ruining and destroying you” – man, delight! That’s the word they use here, delight! – that you’ll only have one last place to go: Egypt.  You know, the place you escaped once before as slaves.  And, “there you will offer yourselves for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but there will be no buyer.”  (Cue massive crash of thunder and the maniacal laughter of Moses)

That’s the final insult – you’ll go back to Egypt, and not even wanted.  Holy shitballs!  This is bringing the house down with unholy fury. 

What to make of it?  Well, the typical approach of Biblical scholarship is this.  Deuteronomy was written during the reign of King Josiah to justify his religious reforms.  And what’s more, the general belief is that the author of this also wrote Joshua, Judges, Samuels 1 and 2, and Kings 1 and 2 – the history chapters.  They weren’t written from scratch, but based on pre-existing sources.  But the interpretation of Deuteronomy pervaded.  All kings are judged based on how they upheld what’s now the fifth book of the Torah.  And it was designed to culminate in Josiah himself.

Then Josiah died, and his reforms ended and Israel was taken over by Persia.  The writings were already out there, so instead of deleting, there were some additions thrown in.  The fall of Judea would be shown as the result of the wickedness of the people for not upholding the law of God. 

Chapter 28 of Deuteronomy isn’t the only part of the Bible that warns that the Israelites will be destroyed if they don’t follow God’s laws, but it’s certainly the most direct, forceful, and lengthy.  Much of what is being discussed had actually happened. Israel had split, been kicked around, suffered at the hands of their enemies, and then taken over by a faraway land: Babylonia.  And when Babylon came, many did in fact flee into exile in Egypt.  (Including the prophet Jeremiah, who Richard Elliot Freidman argues is the most likely author of Deuteronomy and the whole Deuteronomic history section). 

So that explains the passion and the furor.  It’s based on lived experience.  Plus it’s necessary to explain how horribly things had gone wrong.  Just a generation ago the priests thought a golden age was upon Israel and wrote the history accordingly – and now look!

So those are the words put in Moses’ mouth for the end of his second and longest speech.

CHAPTER 29

But there’s a third speech.  This is just a summation type speech.  The second one was the main event.  I imagine everyone hearing the big speech, taking a break, having dinner, stretching their legs – and then coming back before going to bed for the short final touch speech.

There’s a reminder of the covenant covering all – not just those alive now, but future generations, too.  There is a warning against idolatry.  And beware the anger of the Lord.

It’s pretty much points made previously.

CHAPTER 30

Now for the sunny side of Moses.  After scaring everyone straight, he holds out hope.  After an extended bad cop routine, he tells them that God is also capable of being the good cop.  Repent your ways, and he’ll restore your fortunes.  He might delight in destroying you, but he’s an alright guy despite that.  Straighten up and fly right, and you will regain what was promised you.

Again, I can imagine how these chapters would read to Jews in the 1940s.  You survive the Holocaust, the ultimate low point, and right after that the survivors get their own land – in the old Promised Land no less: Israel! 

This chapter is absolutely vital to explaining the survival of the religion of Israel.  If it’s just a morality tale on what went wrong, then there is no reason to think the religion will survive. God offered us a chance, and we blew it.  No he hates us.  End of story. 

But wait!  The story isn’t over.  You can reclaim all that once was.  You can bring back the good old days.  It all depends on how you act.  So don’t give up the faith.  Know hope.  And so the religion survived. 

Moses lays it out starkly at the end – “I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse.  Choose life.”  As much as I’ve mocked parts of Deuteronomy for being a rambling mess, I’ll say this for it, when the big moments come, Deuteronomy sure does deliver! 

EDITED to add: to continue click here for Deuteronomy, Chapters 31 to 34