Chronicles II: Chapters 29 to 36

 Last time, we went further into Chronicles. Now to finish it off.

CHAPTER 29

Now we meet The Hero: Hezekiah.  We spend more time on him than any other king in centuries, but it’s actually pretty boring.  Hezekiah is great because he does what the priests want.  And, judging by this chapter, the priests are primarily interested in their ceremonies and rituals rather than anything else, including the Children of Israel.  Whenever the focus shifts like this, it leaves me cold.  It’s like the people themselves are a nuisance who just get in the way of the priestly duties.

This chapter, for instance, is all about the Temple.  It’s cleaned up, and brought up to code.  OK, that’s nice – but we get an entire fucking page-and-a-half long chapter on it.  The people?  Eh, as long as they do what the priests say, who cares about them?

CHAPTER 30

The last chapter was on the temple and now this one is on Passover.  Apparently, Hezekiah celebrates the first great Passover in memory.  It’s interesting, because Hezekiah has couriers go across the land telling people what should be done and how Passover is to be celebrated – and many people just deride and scoff at what they’re being told.  From the point of view of Hezekiah, he is recapturing the religion of old.  From the point of view of the people, Hezekiah is invented ritual – and helping to invent (or at least evolve) a religion.  As a non-believer, I find the second option more likely.  That Hezekiah is taken all sorts of ideas that the priests have floated around for a while, a little bit of old tradition about unleavened bread, and various other items, and doing something new. 

That’s probably overstating things notable.  After all, the best evidence is that the J and E sources have already been written, so the main points are already in place.  But how much had actually been done?  Clearly, some it’s new to some people.  Though, to be fair, it’s possible that this stuff was done during the days of David and then gradually evolved away from.  I’m actually talking myself out of my original, more cynical approach, aren’t I?

Well, to be fair, even at the outset of this commentary on Chapter 30 I noted that Hezekiah believed he was recovering a religion.  I’m just repeating myself at this point.  Let’s move on.

CHAPTER 31

This one is titled, “Liturgical reforms” and its really boring rules and regulations.  Yawn.

CHAPTER 32

OK, after three chapters discussing priest-centric religious reforms, now we get the action – Assyria attacks and Jerusalem prevails.  We find out a bit that I don’t recall from Kings.  Apparently, they had all the wells around Jerusalem shut down, to deprive the Assyrian army of water.  Somewhere earlier in the Bible it’s noted how Jerusalem itself has a nice water delivery system, so that’s the non-miraculous reason for why the town survives the siege.  In Kings II we were told 180,000 Assyrians died in one night at the hands of an angel and here we’re told the entire Assyrian army is killed, leaving the general to come back home by himself. 

Well that isn’t true.  (I discussed that we have the Assyrian account of this battle back in Kings II).  Clearly, however, this survival left a big mark on Judea.  It’s the moment they barely survived.  (Yet it wasn’t too big a mark – soon after Hezekiah dies they fall back on bad habits).

Later on, Hezekiah gets proud and God wants to kill him, but then Hezekiah learns humility.  You don’t get his wonderful prayer and the heartwarming response here, though, like you got in Kings.

Still, he dies eventually and things go to hell again.

CHAPTER 33

Hezekiah’s son Manasseh is a lousy king who does evil, even immolating children.  He isn’t the total monster he was in Kings, though.  This time he converts midway through and removes foreign gods.  Interesting – in Kings II his idolatry was why God decided to destroy Judea once and for all, and here he actually reforms as he goes along.

But his son Amon rules for a bit and is terrible, leading in that strange story of him being killed by his staff, and then all Israel rising up to kill the staff.  (But if he was evil, then why be so upset at his death?)

CHAPTER 34

Hero: Part II: The Josiah Years.  Chronicles doesn’t make quite as big a deal over Josiah as Kings did.  It would be hard to be that extreme, though.  After all, Kings had his reign prophesized by name centuries in advance. 

But he’s a reformer.  When Assyria backs off, Josiah begins reforms and then the temple fixing comes a decade later.  (The footnotes say that this is unlike Kings, which actually has the reforms begin with the Temple reforms.  The footnotes thinks this is more likely – that the reforms were underway before finding the new book, whereas Kings has the reforms catch on only after getting the new book.

But they do find the new law once again, and it’s time to implement the pious fraud of Deuteronomy. 

CHAPTER 35

Passover time. This chapter says there has been no Passover like it since the time of Samuel.  Kings II said it was the first of its kind since the days of the Judges, so same thing. 

Then he dies, fighting what looks like an avoidable war against the Egyptians.

CHAPTER 36

The last chapters of the two forgettable books of Chronicles covers a lot of ground.  You get the last four kings, who all suck, and then the Babylonian conquest.  Oh, at the very end we’re told that Cyrus later frees them Hebrew, but this is a stuck-on thing clearly written after much of the rest.  (After all, repeatedly Chronicles uses the phrase “to the present” which put it as pre-Babylon.

Also, this chapter is notable for mentioning the prophet Jeremiah, twice in fact.  The last king of Judah is denounced because, among other things, “he did not humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet.”   We’re also told that the conquest of Judea fulfilled the word of Jeremiah the prophet.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Well, I’ll say this for Chronicles II: it’s better than Chronicles I.  That’s the ultimate in minor accomplishments, but it’s true.  However wrote this was clearly a priest, as he seemed more interested in priestly duties than the children of Israel.   He also has zero interest in the northern kingdom, bringing it up only when he absolutely has to. 

But you do get some stuff about some kings.  You get more on Hezekiah.  You get the first Jeremiah reference.  And you get tons of love for Jehoshaphat. 

But in general, the Chronicles are books people only read because they’re trying to plow through the entire Bible.  

Click here for the next book: Ezra

Chronicles II: Chapters 19 to 28

Last time, we got halfway into Chronicles II. Now for the next chunk. 

CHAPTER 19

Jehoshaphat is rebuked for helping the evil kill of Judah in the last chapter, but by and large he’s still a good king. He appoints judges and gives them instructions to act well. 

Jehoshaphat was just another king in Kings, but in Chronicles, he’s one of the stars.

CHAPTER 20

Jehoshaphat suffers an invasion from the Moabites and Ammonties and prays to God for help. OK, that’s exactly what Chronicles looks to see – turn to God in time of help. Don’t turn to generals or doctors – turn to God.  Naturally, it pays off. Jehoshaphat assembles all of Judah – women and children included, and tells them to take heed.  God will let them pull through.

Everyone meets in one area, and it’s right where the invading forces are headed.  This could go badly.  But instead, the invaders are slaughtered.  No, they aren’t beaten in battle.  They just all die.  Everyone in Judea awakes one morning, looks in the direction of where the invading armies were – and it’s nothing but corpses.  So many corpses that it takes Judea three days to loot them for all their stuff.  My, this must’ve raised quite a powerful stench.  I wonder how much disease spread from this.

Well, asking those questions assumes this event happened, and of all the spectacular events that happened in the Bible, this is the least likely of all.  I don’t just mean in terms of being physically unlikely – the Nile turning to blood is still less likely than that.  But here’s what sets this miracle apart: the guy who wrote Kings totally missed it.  We have two accounts of these years in the Bible, and the other one – the main one people look at – has no idea this happened.  Technically, silence doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, but how in heck do you leave this out?  How in heck would anyone forget this?  Keep in mind, we’re told it happened before all of Judea. 

The authors include two types of things in their accounts: 1) things included because they’re too well known to leave out, and 2) things that fit their agenda.  If this happened, both guys would have to include it.  The Chronicler is making it up, because it fits his agenda.  How Jehoshaphat is so central to his agenda, I haven’t the foggiest. 

Also, this same principle casts doubt on the story of Elijah and the 450 prophets of Baal.  If that happened, why isn’t it here?  Actually, there is a better excuse there.  The Chronicler doesn’t give a damn about the northern kingdom, and that’s where Elijah worked.  But this mass death during Jehoshaphat’s reign?  That should be in both.

CHAPTER 21

Jehoshaphat dies and his son Jehoram becomes king.  He sucks and breaks with God.  Wait a second – when he was growing up he supposedly would’ve seen entire armies slaughtered overnight with no reason but God wanted it.  That’s what Chapter 20 would have us believe, anyway. You’d think that would impress the prince somehow.  Guess not.

Instead, Jehoram kills all his brothers to ensure his reign.  But he’s punished with bowels problems that eventually cause all his innards to fall out.  That’ll teach him.

Oh, and Edom revolts and we’re told, “To this day Edom has been in revolt against the rule of Judah.”  Well, not in revolt, but broke clear away.  But phrasing it like this implies that the House of David is the rightful ruler of Edom, which is clearly the point. 

One other quick note – Elijah makes his only appearance here.  So score that for Elijah – even the guy who doesn’t have any interest in the northern kingdom mentions him.  Elijah is the guy who says Jehoram will have bowel problems.  Note: by the chronology of Kings, Elijah has gone up in a fiery chariot well before this time. 

CHAPTER 22

Time for a new king – Ahaziah.  He also sucks.  He dies, and his mother Athaliah takes command, killing all his sons.  (Wasn’t she the sister in Kings?  I know it wasn’t wife there). Again, as in Kings, she rules for six years.

CHAPTER 23

And, as in Kings, she’s overthrown after six years and her youngest son (and only surviving son) is made king. The only difference I see here is that last time we were told the guards did a lot of the work, and this time it’s Levites.  I suppose the Levites could’ve been the guards, but they’re repeated referred to just at Levites here.  That certainly fits with P author’s overall concern about Levites and priestly duties. 

The more of this I read, the more I’m buying what Richard Elliot Friedman said about this being written by the P author.  It has the same interests, and despite a few comments early in Chronicles I indicating it was written later, several places indicate it was written before the end of Judah – all those “to this day” comments, like the one about Edom’s revolt.

CHAPTER 24

The new king is Josah and during his reign he gets off to a good start but then flops at the end.  He refurbishes the temple and starts up a collection box to finance it. 

But near the end of his life he turns away from the Lord, and here is one place where Chronicles is actually worth reading.  At the end of the life of Josah, Kings II just said he was murdered by people inside the court.  No explanation is given at all – and Josah had come off like a good king in Kings.  Here we get a fuller story.  He moved away from God, and killed a prophet who came to warn him of his misdeeds.  So his servants killed him while he lay on his sick bed. They even refuse to bury him with the rest of the kings.  They don’t like this guy. 

That’s interesting, and it makes more sense than Kings’ completely out of nowhere murder of him.  Now we have motivation. 

CHAPTER 25

Another chapter, another king. This one is Amaziah, and he’ll largely repeat the arc of the life of his father.  He starts off fine, goes evil, and is killed.  The opening says that he did what was right before the Lord, “though not wholeheartedly.”  Interesting – at least this time there is foreshadowing of his turn for the worse.

And worse he turns.  After conquering  Edom (really?) he starts adopting some of their gods.  (Hmmm..  Methinks that was part of the terms of Edom’s acquiescence. They’ll accept him as king if he accepts their gods in his court.  It makes sense).  But he’s punished, and Judah defeats him in battle.  They raid the House of God itself even.  Then he’s killed in a conspiracy.  I don’t remember that from Kings, but checking – yeah, he was murdered there, too.

CHAPTER 26

Next king: Uzziah, who rules for 52 years. 

Actually, around here I should note – there is literally zero attempt made to note the Kings of Israel to the north.  Kings bounced back and forth between the two kingdoms, but here all that matters is Judah.  Israel is only mentioned when it applies to Judah.  No wonder Elijah is almost entirely non-existent here. 

Anyhow, Uzziah becomes the third straight king to start strong but then falter badly.  He does well – winning a whole bunch of battles – but then becomes proud.  He comes to think that he’s the guy that won all the battles.  He even deems it his place to enter the Temple of the Lord.  That’s a huge no-no.  That place isn’t for the public to show up – it’s the Lord’s house.  Only priests may enter.  But he figures he’s a big shot so he can come in.  And when the priests try to stop him, leprosy immediately breaks out on his forehead.  I take it that’s a “no” vote from God on if he should enter the temple.  He should consider himself lucky that he’s still alive.

He’s a leper until his death.  Oh, and Isaiah gets mentioned here, so we’re approaching that point in Hebrew history.

CHAPTER 27

This is a short chapter – just nine verses – on King Jotham.  He’s a good king.  No big complaints about him, so not much to say.  So the chapter swiftly ends.

CHAPTER 28

The next chapter tells the story of another king – Ahaz.  And he’s the worst one Judah ever had.  He made molten idols, and veers far from God. He loses in battle and decides that means the other side’s god must be better than God.  Hey, it makes sense if you think of it.  And it wasn’t just a small loss he had.  The Bible claims 120,000 Judah men died in a single day.  Sure – that’s not at all an inflated figure.  Kings noted that Ahaz actually engages in child sacrifice, but I don’t see that here.  (Maybe I missed it, though).  He does break of the utensils of God and closes the doors to the temple. 

He dies, and they didn’t bring him to the tombs of David.  Then his son Hezekiah becomes king – and the Chronicler loves Hezekiah so much he spends four full chapters – half of the remainder of Chronicles II – on him.  That’s the most any king since Solomon gets, but that’ll begin next chapter, not this one.

Click here for the end of Chronicles

Chronicles II: Chapters 10 to 18

Last time, Chronicles I gave the story of Solomon.  Now into the divided kingdoms era. 

CHAPTER 10

Again, the kingdom divides into two after Solomon.  This time, though, there is no reason given.  Kings I made it clear it was punishment for Solomon’s turning away from God, but here Solomon has done nothing wrong.  You just meet Jeroboam and he wants to break.  It’s out of nowhere.

The rebellion breaks out and we’re told at the end, “And so Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day.”  Well then – that sounds like this was written during the divided kingdom era.  It could be after it, but before the 10 Tribes totally melted into the landscape.  And if so, that explains why Richard Elliot Friedman said scholars believe the author of Chronicles is the same as the P source from the Torah.  God that guy sucks as a writer.

CHAPTER 11

Same as Kings.  Jeroboam creates his kingdom in the North.  Meanwhile, Rehoboam (David’s grandson) has 18 wives and 60 concubines.  His favorite wife is “Maacha, daughter of Absalom.”  I wonder if that’s David’s son Absalom, the one who rebelled against David.  If so, that means Rehoboam’s favorite wife is his cousin.  Ew.  Well, that sort of thing went on for a while.  Early US vice president and big time southern rights leader John C. Calhoun married his cousin, and that was the 19^th century.

CHAPTER 12

Rehoboam commits apostasy.  The Bible says, “he abandoned the law of the Lord, and so did all Israel with him.”  (Note: do they mean all Judea?)  Anyhow, that sure is easy.  The top guy leaves the path and everyone immediately follows him.  That’s too easy.  It doesn’t sound like they had much strong belief before, and things like this make me believe that the Jewish religion was a work in progress that didn’t really reach final form until all the Bible books were put together.  Heck, much later on they’ll fight heavily against any Roman attempts to change their religion (like putting a statue of Caligula in their temple) but here they aimlessly follow.  I’m not buying it.

CHAPTER 13

Apparently, Judah and Israel went to war.  The armies are freaking huge.  We’re told that Judea wins with a half-million Israelis dieing in one day.  Those numbers are comically too huge to be believable.  But I don’t recall any war between the two kingdoms in Kings I.  (To be fair, I could’ve missed it; that was confusing for me).

CHAPTER 14

King Asa of Judea institutes a bunch of reforms, the sort of things a good king does – gets rid of the altars in high places, smashes the sacred pillars to the wrong gods, etc.  He also beats back a huge Ethiopian invasion.  OK, this one I really don’t remember.  The Chronicles don’t bother spending any time on Elijah ore Elisha, but they give us more military information about the divided kingdom days. 

We’re told the entire Ethiopian army is wiped out: “the Ethiopians fell until there were no survivors, for they were crushed before the Lord and his army.” 

CHAPTER 15

This is more about Asa.  I guess the author of Chronicles really liked him.  Well, for a while anyway.  We’re told that Oded the prophet speaks to Asa and he responds by smashing idols and removing them from all his land.  He gathers all his people and has them give an oath as one to follow the Lord.  That’s impressive.  He also deposes his own mother for “she had made an obscene object for Asherah; Asa cut down this object, smashed it, and burnt it.”  I wonder what this obscene object was.

As impressive and thoroughgoing as Asa’s reforms are, it’s also ghastly, as we’re told that everyone who disagreed was killed.  They were “put to death, form least to greatest, man or woman.”  So it’s a fanatical religious theocracy – and the author is approving of it.

Oh, and here’s a random detail – we’re told that many from the tribes of Ephraim, Manasseh, and Simeon now lived in the south, having left the north to worship God.  So yeah, that’s new. 

However, at the end we’re told some rather curious details.  The high places are still up - - even though verse four of Chapter 14 said he smashed them.  This also says there was no war under Asa’s first 35 years, even though last chapter he went all Mussolini on Ethiopia. (To be fair, that could’ve happened in Year 36, but if so this is very poorly put together).

CHAPTER 16

Apparently, the Ethiopian fight wasn’t in Year 36, because we’re told of a different one here. (Which would mean Chapter 15’s author really was unaware of Chapter 14. Confusing). 

The war here is Judah versus Israel.  I’ll say this much for this part of Chronicles – I don’t feel like I’m getting the same story as before, just poorly told.  There is plenty in these parts I don’t recall happening at all, and it can’t all be bad memory on my part. 

Well, the battle happens, and Judah asks the King of Aram for help.  This is sensible politics, but apparently the Bible author really, really doesn’t approve.  Hanani the seer (whoever that is) comes to King Asa to chew him out.  You should’ve trusted in the Lord, not in the King of Aram!  You showed a lack of faith!  Oh, come on, man.  Ever heard the phrase “the Lord helps those who help themselves”?  Well Hanani the seer clearly hasn’t.  In fact, Asa feels the same way I do. And gets the seer thrown in jail. OK, that’s too much, but the seer was a dick.

And the Bible continues its insistence that Lord doesn’t help those who help themselves, but who turn to him for everything.  Asa develops a foot disease, and the Bible condemns him for consulting doctors.  Really.  It’s wrong to consult doctors about medical problems.  You should’ve trusted God, not doctors!  Man, you got to be kidding me now.  This must be a favorite passage of Christian Scientists. 

And mind you, this is for the king who did ever so much write for such a long time, too.  Just insane. 

CHAPTER 17

Asa died, so now his son Jehoshaphat is king.  The Chronicles writer likes Jehoshaphat.  He’s an exemplary king.  He walks in the name of the Lord.  He also fortifies northern cities from Israel.  (One key difference between Chronicles and Kings is how here the two formerly united lands seem to have a far more antagonistic relationship.  They are fighting or nearly fighting a lot here).  Jehoshaphat becomes powerful and has a strong military.  Even the Philistines pay him tribute. 

CHAPTER 18

This chapter is all we get of Ahab in Chronicles.  He was a big deal in Kings – the man Elijah went up against, but there is no Elijah here.  Instead, we here that Ahab is bound by marriage to Jehoshaphat.  They go to war and ask prophets for advice.  They are all yes-men and agree, but Jehoshaphat asks if there are any dissenters, so Ahab grudgingly calls for Micaiah.  This is all as it happens in Kings.  Micaiah says the truth instead of butt kissing, and Ahab throws him in jail – then gets killed in battle.  Yeah, this is out of Kings. 

Click here for Chapters 19 to 28 of Chronicles II.

Chronicles II: Chapters 1 to 9

Last time, ended Chronicles I.  On to Chronicles II.

CHAPTER 1

Just like the First Book of Chronicles, Chronicles II basically retells what we were already told, just with less style and a large focus on really boring stuff.

This chapter begins the reign of Solomon.  He asks God for wisdom and gets it, and then God decides to give him wealth as well.  It’s just what we read about it in Kings I.

CHAPTER 2

Solomon decides to conscript labor for his temple – 70,000 stone carriers, 80,000 stone cutters, and 3,600 overseers.  At the end of the chapter Solomon takes a census of foreign men in Israel and it amounts to 153,600 – the exact same as the sum of the combined numbers.  So he’ll turn all foreign men into forced laborers.  It’s the same as what happened to the Hebrew in Egypt --- and the ancient Hebrew version of the Bible uses the same word. 

Solomon makes a pledge to God that he’ll make him a great house because “our God is greater than all other gods,” a statement that indicates that other gods do in fact exist.  He wants it to be the best place ever, and gets the people from Lebanon to give them their stuff, because apparently they have the best stuff.

The king of Lebanon gives Solomon all kinds of flattery, and it looks like Solomon is a sucker for flattery.

CHAPTER 3

They’re going to build the temple on the very spot David saw the Angel of the Lord after the three-day plague.  Huh. I don’t recall that detail from the previous books, but that’s a bit interesting. 

Mostly, this chapter is just temple specs for what will be built.

CHAPTER 4

More architecture porn.  Solomon is important because he built the Temple.  Oh, he’s wise and stuff, but the main focus is on that temple he built.

CHAPTER 5

Time to dedicate the Temple.  It’s a short chapter. 

CHAPTER 6

Here we get Solomon’s speech about the Temple.  We heard this already in Kings I: Chapter 8.  It’s still a great speech – but we already heard it.

CHAPTER 7

Solomon finishes his speech and fire comes down from heaven to consume the burnt offerings and sacrifices.  Well, that’s neat.  God promises to Solomon that he’ll rule over all Israel.

CHAPTER 8

The Bible notes that Solomon uses plenty of forced laborers, but they are all foreigners, no Hebrew.  Yeah, this is exactly what happened to the Hebrew back in Egypt. 

Right after we’re told about Solomon’s work projects, we’re told about his piety.  Really?  That wasn’t his strong point in Kings I.  But here, when he marries the pharaoh’s daughter, he won’t have her live in his palace, because it’s too holy.  This is very different than in Kings I.  There, his wives led him away from God.  Here, that stuff isn’t mentioned at all.  Not in this chapter, not anywhere in Chronicles.  As was the case in the retelling of the story of David, all negative stories are edited out.

CHAPTER 9

This just retells the story of the Queen of Sheba coming to see Solomon.  “King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba everything she desired and asked for.”  Hey-hey! Then other kings from Arabia come up and give gold and silver to Solomon.  Why?  Because he’s so wise.  That rings so incredibly false.  “Wow, you’re so wise!  Here’s my money!”  C’mon.  Leaders don’t give up money that easily.  But here the Bible says leaders gave tribute just to hear his wisdom.  Oh, barf. 

Also, as was the case in Kings I, the news of Solomon’s wisdom is all tell, no show.  It’s just generic praise with little actual info. 

Click here for the next nine chapters of Chronicles II.

Chronicles II: Main Page

Chapters 1 to 9
Chapters 10 to 18
Chapters 19 to 28
Chapters 29 to 36

Chronicles: Chapters 20 to 29

Last time, we got much of the story of David.  This time, we finish it off.

CHAPTER 20

This is a short chapter – just eight verses – that recounts some of David’s military exploits.

CHAPTER 21

OK, this actually is a little interesting.  It took 21 chapters, but Chronicles I finally had an interesting moment.  This recounts one of the most baffling moments in the life of David – the census David calls for that angers the Lord, causing Israel to be hit by a plague as a result.  Over in Samuel II, the plague never made much sense, but here there is an explanation: Satan.  The devil told David to take a census, and that causes the problem.

Oh, please note this is the first time the S-word – Satan – appears in the Bible.  (Well, in the Christian edition it’s the first time he appears.  But in the Jewish Bible the Chronicles go to the end, so he comes up before this).

The footnote says that Satan means “adversary” or “accuser” and that’s all Satan was initially.  In later Judaism and obviously in Christianity the notion of Satan takes on a, well, a satanic meaning.  But here the concept isn’t quite that far.  Here, Satan is just someone who tempts people to do wrong. And I guess David did wrong.

David repents and tells God not to punish the people for his mistake.  The Angel of God comes down and David sees him.  Then David orders an altar built on the spot he saw the angel.  This I don’t recall from Samuel II.  (checks).  No, it’s there – I just missed it.  In both depictions, David buys the land from the person who owns it.  Well, that’s honorable of him.

CHAPTER 22

This book makes David much more involved in the building of the temple.  He doesn’t build it because God said there is too much blood on his hands from fighting battles, though.  But David is doing all the prep work.  For example, David decrees that all resident aliens in the land be used as stonecutters for the project. 

Let’s pause for a second.  Kings I made a similar statement (about Solomon, not David) about using minorities as forced laborers on this building project.  At that time I doubted it was true, that there was anger by Israelites against Solomon for the labor tax.  But if it is true that resident aliens are pressed into labor service – that might be even worse.  In that case, it’s the same thing the Egyptians did the Hebrew back in the days before Moses.  Is it supposed to be better that the Hebrew does it to someone else?

Also, it’s interesting that the sin of David is fighting wars.  He fought those wars for God to achieve God’s early promises.  And there are plenty of other sins you can nail David for – but they aren’t here.  There is no Bathsheba.  No Uriah the Hittite sent to his death.  No son raping his half-sister and then in turn being murdered by his half-brother.  There is no uprising by Absalom.  And when it’s time to transfer power, it’s presented entirely smoothly.  The writer here is trying to cover up a bunch of David’s sins.  That’s dumb.  If this really was written later on, it’s idiotic because David’s stories were already well known.  You have to contend with those stories, not deny them.

Here, David indicates that Solomon will succeed him.  It wasn’t nearly so quickly decided in Kings I.  Here, he says Solomon will build the house, though he’s young and inexperienced.  Yeah, I guess so.  Even though his dad is doing the prep work and even though the Temple won’t be very big – it’ll take Solomon seven years to build.  That’s pretty inexperienced all right. 

Really, though, with seven chapters left in Chronicles I, it’s clear that Solomon is supposed to succeed David as king.  If all you knew was this chapter, you’d never imagine any doubts on the matter.

CHAPTER 23

David divvies up the priests.  He says the Levites should assist the House of Aaron. 

CHAPTER 24

More priest stuff.  David divides them up into groups and assigns duties by lot.  Sure, why not?  That why they get rotation in office so no one feels too neglected in their duties.  There are 24 groups of priests in all, and they’ll serve duties in a regular rotation.  The chapter ends by saying that the most important family did the same as the less important one. 

CHAPTER 25

There are groups of singers, too.  They also determine their roles by lot.  Again, there are 24 lots.

Clearly, this book was written by a priest, and he confused the duties and responsibilities of his own sect with any broader vision/message of God.  This in an entirely blinkered worldview, in which every little detail that affects priests is seen as important, because it involves the priests of the Lord.  The community that they are supposed to be shepherds to?  Well they aren’t as important.  The job itself matters more than the reasons for the job.  This is the sort of Bible chapter Pope Benedict XVI instead of Pope Francis.

CHAPTER 26

There are also gatekeepers.  They also rotate responsibilities by lot.  There are also treasures and magistrates, but it doesn’t say anything about rotation by lot for them.

CHAPTER 27

Now for the military commanders. Seriously – whoever wrote this thought we had to know every name?  When they decided which books would go in the Bible around the first century AD, they thought this one merited inclusion?  The hell?

Anyhow, military commanders rotate overall command each month.  That sounds like crazy talk.  (Also, what about Joab? Oh, who cares).

CHAPTER 28

David assembles all the leaders of Israel to Jerusalem for a big final talk.  It’s his version of Deuteronomy, I guess.  It’s much shorter, though.  And it’s mostly on the Temple.  (Again, it’s all about the rituals and practices of the religion, not about the people at all).  David rehashes again that he wanted to build the Temple, and was told no, so his son Solomon.

David even gives the Temple plans to Solomon.  There is a very strong desire here to put the Temple in the hands of David as much as possible, even though it wasn’t built on his watch. In fact, we’re told that David personally specified many items in and for the temple, including the weight of the gold for the golden vessels used in religious services, and for the tables used to hold showbread.  It’s David’s temple, just not built under David’s watch. (Again, this makes it even more insane that it took Solomon as long as it did to build it).

CHAPTER 29

Offerings are made to the temple, David prays to God, Solomon is anointed, and David dies.  There is a complete absence of drama in these proceedings.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Meh.  This book primarily consists of two things: 1) stuff we already read in Samuel II, and 2) boring stuff no on actually cares about.  There’s a reason no one really remembers the Chronicles books of the Bible – they aren’t memorable.

Click here to begin Chronicles II.

Psalms 112 to 124

Last time was Psalms 99 to 111. Now for the next batch.

PSALM 112

This is another short psalm, titled, “The Blessings of the Just.”  Instead of focusing on God, we’ll spend a psalm on the life of someone who believes.  Apparently, it’s nice.  The man who fears the Lord – there, one psalm after we’re told that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, we get another psalm beginning by urging us to fear God.  Anyhow, the man who fears God will be mighty in the land, be upright, be blessed, have a steadfast heart, and his righteousness will endure forever.

Sounds nice, but it sounds like the psalm for the rich.  It sounds like the thoughts for someone in a suburban megachurch.  What does it offer a poor man who believes in God?  They are the ones who often have nowhere else to turn except God.

PSALM 113

In fact, right after a psalm that struck me as being for the affluent, we get one called, “Praise of God’s Care for the Poor.”  This gets the audience that the other one misses, calling for helping the poor.

This is one nice thing about the Hebrew religion.  Since we’re all made in God’s image, it provides dignity to all peoples, no matter how lowly.  It puts us all in the same community, which can lead to psalms like this. 

PSALM 114

A short psalm on the Exodus and the wonders that took place in it.  This notable just for one line.  When God did his miracles, the very natural objects of the world itself were in awe.  We’re told, “The mountains skipped like rams.”   Well, there’s a sight you don’t see everyday, a bunch of mountains tiptoeing through the tulips, skipping like rams.

PSALM 115

This one is called “The Greatness of the True God” so I supposed it’s an avowedly monotheistic psalm. 

It’s a bragging psalm.  Others ask, where is your God?  Well, he’s in heaven.  While your sucky gods are just idols.  Suck on it, sucky gods. 

PSALM 116

This is a psalm about surviving a near-death experience.  The psalmist begins by noting he was near death, about to go to Sheol (Hell), when he called out to God for help.  And God heard!  And once God heard, then God – in his infinite compassion – saved him.  So now he sings the praises of God.

This psalm reminds me of former Hardball Times writer (and Baseball Think Factory poster) John Brattain.  He once noted that he had some serious health problems, but survived them (for a time).  When his health was declining (and ended up killing him) he said how blessed he felt to have these extra years.  John was very religious. In fact, when discussing his health problems and his sense of feeling lucky to have the extra time, he quoted a Bible passage.  No, it wasn’t this one, but this one reminds me of him anyone.

Good man, that John Brattain.  A very good man indeed.

PSALM 117

Here it is – the shortest psalm in the Bible. Also – the shortest Bible chapter.  It’s all of two verses & 25 words.  There is nothing else memorable about it.

PSALM 118

This is “Hymn of Thanksgiving” and it lives up to the title.  Give thanks to the Lord for all that he is done.  This is a nice little poem, heavy on the refrain.  Those refrains include: “Let ____ say,” “They surrounded me,” and “The Lord’s right hand.”

It’s nice and pleasant, but I really don’t have very much else to say about it.

PSALM 119

Here it is – by far the longest psalm in the Bible.  It’s by far the longest chapter in any book of the Bible. Weighing in a 176 verses (!), it’s more than double the length of any other psalm.  In fact, given that it’s followed by a series of short psalms, it’s 176 verses is greater than …..the next 20 psalms combined!  Impressive.

In my previous Bible readings, I was so overwhelmed by its length that I just read over it and got nothing out of it.  But this time, I knew to pay more attention.  This is one part of the Bible that David Plotz’s “The Good Book” really does a great job explaining. 

Plotz recounts how he wasn’t in the mood for another psalm when he began it; let alone such a never ender of a psalm.  But as he read it, he began to realize it’s a very different psalm.  This is a love psalm – but it’s a love psalm dedicated not to God, but to God’s laws.  Plotz noted that this is absolutely perfect.  However strange it might sound, it’s the existence of the Bible and the common identity that springs from it that’s allowed the Jewish people to survive.  There ain’t many Edmoites or Moabites or Hittites left – but there are still people.  This guy is on the right track for praising God’s written laws.

And praise God’s written laws he does.  This psalmist pours over them and studies them, and loves them.  His horrified and infuriated when he reads an account in the Bible of someone not following God’s ways.  He seeks salvation in God’s laws.

What at first seems a little out of place in this psalm are repeated references to the psalmist’s enemies, and how he is treated like garbage by the bad people for trying to follow God’s ways.  Really?  People are persecuting him for studying the Bible?  There are two ways of looking at this.  First, he’s living through a time and place where people are really not upholding God’s laws, and therefore mock this guy.  He’s a square; a dork. 

Second, and I started bleeding into this point at the end of the last one – maybe he’s just being bullied because he seems like an easy target for bullies.  Maybe his problem isn’t that he studies the Torah so much; but that he’s around books so much.  He’s too studious and introverted for his own social well-being.  He really is a nerd.  If you think about it, that’s almost certainly the case.  After all, who writes the psalm – the longest psalm of them all by far – about how much he loves studying the Bible?  Given not only how much he studies this but the passion he has for the laws (Leviticus: A Love Story), and his continual talk of being mocked for his studies – this guy is likely well-meaning by socially inept.

And that also explains some of the theology here.  While he at times acknowledges God as compassionate, he also says the sinners won’t get salvation.  That sounds like a junior high student upset at being picked on.  (Yeah, I am projecting my junior high thoughts here a bit). 

While it’s fascinating for its uniqueness, the psalm’s execution could be massively improved.  This guy keeps repeating himself.  It’s 176 verses long, but it doesn’t really build on anything and it barely says anything new after the first 20-30 verses.  You just get the same points repeated over and over and over. The psalmist is pouring his thoughts out but doesn’t know how to do it in a way that’s easy for another person to receive. That is a further point for my theory that this guy is a socially inept introvert. 

PSALM 120

Now begins the most prolonged series of short psalms in the Bible. Psalm 120 is the first of 12 straight (and 14 out of 15) that are less than 10 verses long. 

This is called “Prayer of a Returned Exile” and it lives up to its billing.  The psalmist is happy to have his call of distress responded to by the Lord.  He has an enemy – but in this case it’s the tongue of the psalmist.  I guess he’s made statements or mouthed off about how God would never answer their prayers or something.  I don’t know – that part is pretty vague, but mostly he’s happy God will let him return.

PSALM 121

This is a psalm about the Lord as protector.  He first looks off to the mountains, wondering if his help will come from there.  No, don’t be a fool – of course not.  His help will come from the Lord above. 

God will protect you.  God will save you.  God won’t let your foot to sleep.  God is like a superhero – with actual super powers, too.

PSALM 122

This one clearly predates the Babylonian Captivity.  It’s a pilgrim going to Jerusalem and just feeling overjoyed.  He’d dreamed of doing this, of going to David’s city – and now here he is, with his feet inside the gates.  He’s very happy at this.

This is a nice little psalm.  There isn’t much to say about it, but I like the image of a guy grinning ear to ear because he’s finally made it to the city of his dreams: Jerusalem. 

It’s supposed to be a psalm of David – I guess one after he conquered Jerusalem.  I dunno if I believe that David wrote it, though.  It doesn’t fit my mental image of a writer. I imagine it being someone traveling to a city already long established as the center (and probably after Solomon built his temple there). 

PSALM 123

This one is called “Reliance on the Lord.”  The psalmist says we look to the Lord like a servant looks to his master.  He means this in a good way.

This world doesn’t sound too pleasant for our psalmist.  He notes how people show contempt for the good, mock them, are insolent to them, and are arrogant to them.  So of course you look to Lord to show you favor – who else can you turn to?

PSALM 124

This is a prayer – associated with David – thanking God for rescuing them. We won our fights because God was on our side.  The message is something plenty of previous psalms have had, but it has some really interesting imagery.  My favorite part was, “Blessed is the Lord, who did not leave us to be torn by their teeth.”  Hey!  An apparent reference to cannibalism.  You don’t see too many of those in the Bible.

Click here for psalms 125 to 137