CHAPTER 16
This is an extremely long chapter – 63 verses – that is
another big parable. It’s a parable
every bit as nasty as many of the sayings in Jeremiah. In fact, it is very reminiscent of some of
the things Jeremiah said.
In this analogy, God finds an unwanted newborn left to
die. That newborn was the Hebrew. God raised her (it’s a girl in this story –
stay tuned for that), and it grows up beautiful. But then she turns from God.
Using her beauty, she becomes a complete whore, “spreading your legs for
every passerby.” She does Assyrians,
Babylonians, and most memorably, “Egyptians, your big-membered neighbors.” Wow!
Even back then people made comments about Africans having big
dicks!
She took the gold and silver God gave her, and turned them
into false idols. She fed her own
children to the fire. But mostly, she was a total whore. “How wild your lust”
God exclaims. Ah, but was it a lusty
camel, as Jeremiah told us?
Actually, calling her a whore is an insult to whores as, “Prostitutes usually receive gifts. But you bestowed gifts on all your lovers.” ZING! She is worse than Sodom.
A few times God tells us, “Your mother was a Hittite and
your father an Amorite.” That just
sounds like some ancient Hebrew playground taunt. “Yo mamma was a Hittite who put out for big-membered
Egyptians!”
After 60 verses or so of insults, we’re told that God will
remember his oath, but this current bunch most be purified and let to die. The Bible doesn’t say so directly, but there
is a clear parallel to those who died in the desert after the Exodus in the 40
years of wandering.
CHAPTER 17
Time for a confusing parable: the eagle and the vine. Eagles keep trying to soar and get gobbled
up by vines. Or something like
that. Apparently, it’s tough for fruit
to be planted in some a way.
Huh?
Ezekiel then tries to make an analogy and his point is that
the rebellious house of Israel must pay a price, but I have no idea what’s going
on here. Ezekiel is just too weird for
me. Give me that misanthropic Jeremiah any time than some LSD-inspired
Ezekiel.
CHAPTER 18
This is an interesting chapter on morality. God has Ezekiel tell the people some moral
lessons. It begins my attacking what
was apparently a common saying back in the day, “Parents eat sour grapes, but
the children’s teeth are set on edge.”
That implies that the children will suffer for the wrongdoing of the
parents, but God and Ezekiel aren’t having it.
No, God wants everyone to know: if the father sins but the
son is good, the son will be rewarded.
But if the father is good and the son is bad, the son will be
punished. Then we get into the
details. What if a sinner from before
turns himself around? Then God will forgive
and the prodigal dad will do better.
This is interesting, because most of the Old Testament is about justice,
but here Ezekiel is more interested in redemption. It’s one of those sections that help set up the New
Testament.
However, we’re also told that if someone who has been good
turns to the bad, then he’s doomed.
It’s all about morality, and you can always rise or lower your
stature. In fact, the key line in Ezekiel
is: “Justice belongs to the just, and wickedness to the wicked.” It’s a key moral chapter in Ezekiel.
CHAPTER 19
It’s time for one of Ezekiel’s many analogy chapters. A lioness raises her cubs. One is caught and carried off to Egypt. The second one becomes a terror to people,
but is carried off to Babylon. I guess
the first cub represents the lost 10 tribes, and the second one Judah. I guess.
The main thing I get out of this is there were lions in the Near East
back then. Now they’re just in the
African savannah.
Then comes another allegory – this time of a vine branch. I don’t really remember it at all, so it
couldn’t have been too good. Nothing
new there – most of Ezekiel’s analogies are more annoying that insightful.
CHAPTER 20
Ezekiel gives a standard prophecy this time. It’s a big long history lesson essentially. It depicts how rebellious and problematic
the Hebrew have always been. It’s stuff
we’ve heard plenty of times before in the Bible. The point is that it’s time give them a serious punishment and
let them be carried off to Babylon. So
Jerusalem is doomed.
CHAPTER 21
I like this chapter.
We finally get the Bible acknowledging something I’ve always suspected
about Ezekiel since the book began.
God tells Ezekiel its time for more performance art. He should faced south and preach to the
forests there about being destroyed by a great blaze. That’s halfway between Ezekiel’s two favorite modes of prophecy:
performance art and analogy. There is
clearly an analogy at work, but he’s also got to do more than just say words,
so there is just a touch of performance art as well.
And then my favorite part happens. Ezekiel protests to God, “Ah! Lord God, they are saying about me,
`Is not this one who is forever spinning parables?’” HAH! I’ve suspected
that. He’s just a weird prophet, with
his visions, and his performance art, and his eating cow shit. Plus he’s taking a vow of muteness for when
he isn’t giving God’s words to the people.
All these things would make him an unlikely prophet for people to listen
to. He’s so weird that he wouldn’t be
as offensive as Jeremiah. He’s just
some nut. But yeah, apparently the
ancient Hebrew also had trouble dealing with this guy.
Anyhow, God talks Ezekiel into it, and he does as he’s
told. Then he gives some more
prophecies, which basically all amount to how doomed Jerusalem is.
CHAPTER 22
It’s another chapter accounting for the sins of
Jerusalem. It’s a combination of bad
ethics – they don’t care for widows, orphans, and aliens. Hey!
It’s the old trinity of good behavior from the Torah! We heard of those three guys all the time
back in Leviticus, and now here they are.
Oh, aside from basic ethics in day-to-day life, they also treat God bad,
going for other gods.
So it’s time for God to pour out his fury upon them.
CHAPTER 23
Ezekiel has a sexual hang up. We saw this already in Chapter 16 where he went on at length
calling the Hebrew a bunch of whores.
And now he’s at it again.
He tells a parable of two sisters, Oholah and Oholibah. They both become ravenous whores in
Egypt. Oholah becomes a disgrace and is
executed for it. But instead of
learning the lesson, Oholibah becomes even worse. She became even more depraved than before. Oh, and Oholibah represents Jerusalem. And Ezekiel can be a bit graphic in all
this, talking of breasts and nipples and sex.
All those years of being mute have really led to him expressing all his
repressed emotions.
In fact, he goes back to his most memorable image, as he
says of our Jerusalem whore: “She lusted for the lechers of Egypt, whose
members are like those of donkeys, whose thrust are like those of stallions.”
Whoah! Hello!
Once again, Ezekiel tells us how enormous Egyptian penises
are. This guy ….he has an interesting
hang up there.
Anyhow, the point is God will punish Jerusalem. But Ezekiel has some issues he needs to
address of his own. First 16:26 and now 23:20.
Ezekiel is the birth of the stereotype of big penises on Africans.
Click here for the next batch of Ezekiel.
Click here for the next batch of Ezekiel.
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