Samuel II: Chapters 13 to 19

Last time, David met Bathsheba and the Lord wasn't pleased.  This time, things continue to go badly for David.

CHAPTER 13

Now the karmic payback of David gets nastier.  It starts off with the vile behavior by David’s first born, Amnon.  He has the hots for his half-sister, Tamar.  So with the help of a friend, he devises a plan to rape her.  Yeah – rape and incest all at once.  And once he rapes her, he has no more use for her, in a classic case of blaming the victim.

So Tamar’s full-brother Absalom plots revenge on behalf of his traumatized sister.  He waits until Amnon is drunk at a banquet and then has his servants kill him. 

By the way, David is uncharacteristically passive and slow-thinking while all this is going on.  I dunno – maybe he’s a bad dad or he’s too mild with his kids or he’s just past his prime, but he keeps wrong footing himself here.  For example, when he finds out about Amnon’s rape of Tamar – David’s own daughter, mind you – David elects to do nothing.  Sure, he’s infuriated, but Amnon is the firstborn.  What the hell kind of excuse is that?

Later, David really should be able to see Absalom’s plot coming.  First Absalom urges his father to attend a sheep shearing with him.  When David repeatedly declines, Absalom requests the Amnon go instead.  David agrees, and he really should know better than that.  Tamar is living in Abaslom’s house at the time – does he really think it’s a good idea to let these two alone together?

There’s also a question of Absalom’s character.  Later Biblical chapters will get more into it, but for now I’ll just note that once word gets out the Absalom has killed Amnon, all of David’s other sons flee the capital.  Now why would they do that?  Why wouldn’t they assume that Absalom was just avenging his sister?  Why would they think it was something much bigger?  Maybe they knew something about Absalom’s character (and sure enough, Absalom will try a coup later on).  Then again – if they think this of Absalom, why does David seem to be in the dark? 

David is upset of Amnon’s death, but opts not to go after Absalom who flees to another king. 

Random side note: the murder of Amnon takes place off stage.  Absalom tells his servants his plan and then the Bible just says, “When the attendants did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded.”  It’s like there is a verse missing.

CHAPTER 14

Here, David and Absalom are reunited.  Oddly enough, it’s engineered by army head Joab, a man not previously known for his savvy, just for his fighting.  Joab gets to see a wise woman – her name is not given, another of the notable Biblical character not ever name.  And he uses her to go to David with a story (that serves as a parable).  Short version: her husband is dead, one son has murdered the other, and the villagers wanted him stoned.  Can you please help me, king?  Sure, David thinks its only right to keep the family line going. 

Then she goes on and makes an analogy of her situation with David himself.   How can he deprive Israel of a new possible king?  She gets off a great line, “We must indeed die, we are then like water that is poured out in the ground and cannot be gathered up.”  It makes more sense in context, trust me.  (She’s saying Israel is like that if it doesn’t have a king).  Now, there is a clear problem with this analogy, though: David has other sons. We just heard them fleeing last chapter, and we’ve been given some names earlier, most notably Solomon. 

Also, David does wise up for a second and figure this one out.  In fact, he point blank asks her if Joab put her up to this.  I guess Joab and Absalom got along.  (Maybe not – Joab will soon put down Absalom’s rebellion. SPOILER!)  It’s nice to see David ask savvy here after his Chapter 13 fog.  At any rate, she admits Joab’s involvement and David agrees to pardon Absalom.

David pardons him, but will not see him.  So Absalom, after three years in exile, spends two in Jerusalem without seeing his dad.  But he is rather willful.  He pesters Joab about seeing his dad and when Joab ignores him, Absalom shows how willful he can be.  Absalom orders his servants to set fire to Joab’s field.  Whoah!  I didn’t see that coming.  But it forces Joab to talk with Absalom.  Why Absalom thinks that’ll help get his word to his father is beyond me, but apparently Absalom knows the principles better than I do, because it works.

And so Absalom is fully pardoned by David.  He sees his son and kisses him. 

Let’s pause before going on with the chapter.  Absalom has clearly proved to be a dangerous person.  He’s killed one brother.  OK, he had a decent vengeance reason, but then again all remaining brothers fled town as soon as they heard what he’d done, so maybe they were already afraid of him.  Now Absalom has engaged in arson as a minor strategic point to get his way.  And he did so because he was bitter and upset about not being able to see his dad for years.

He’s bitter, upset, willing to use violence – and David doesn’t recognize any possible threat.  David has a blind spot with his children, doesn’t he?

CHAPTER 15

Absalom doesn’t strike right away.  Instead, he prepares smartly.  He wins over friends among the Israelis.  He sits at the city gates and convinces people he’d be a good judge.  He does the meet-and-greet.  He’s good at the ancient Hebrew version of kissing babies and shaking hands.

Now it’s time to act.  This part is actually a little confusing.  He gets David’s OK to go to Hebron.  Man, again David with the mistake.  200 go with, but the Bible says they knew nothing of any conspiracy.  (OK then, who did know of the conspiracy?) People start joining Absalom en route.  Maybe these are the actual conspirators and it’s designed to look like momentum is gaining.  Well, that’s how it comes out.

David hears about the crowd gathering around Absalom and immediately freaks out, ordering all his staff to abandon Jerusalem or none of them will escape Absalom.  OK, first it’s nice to see David wake up to a danger presented by one of his kids.  Second, the conspiracy still seems murky to me.  Because people are traveling with him (on a journey David OK’d)?  There hasn’t been any actual act yet. But David is smarter than me here, because it is a conspiracy.

Once the decision has been made to leave, we get a few chapters of David at his best.  It’s not the youthful, Goliath-killing David of yore, but a reflective, wise, and merciful David.  He’s often a likable and engaging character, but never more so than when he’s on the run here.

He tells one guy named Ittai the Gittite that it’s OK if he wants to leave.  Ittai doesn’t.  Even in David’s time of desperation, he’s still trying to think of others.  That’s nice.  He orders the priests and the ark to stay behind.  This is brilliant two-fold.  First, the priests will serve as moles for him, giving him a sense of what’s going on in Jerusalem once Absalom shows up.  Second, I love his rationale for letting the ark stay.  If God is with me, I’ll come back for it, but if he’s against me, then why take it?

David’s cockiness of the Bathsheba period has been tempered.  He’s recognized that he’s sinned.  He knows he’s done wrong.  And he can even see this as his cosmic comeuppance for doing wrong.  So even though he is literally in a fight for his life, there is a certain calmness and sensitivity to him that’s endearing.  After he had Uriah the Hittite killed, who saw David becoming endearing and sensitive?  He may have broken bad, but now he’s breaking back.

Well, he may seem calm, but he’s also weeping the entire time he leaves.  That isn’t very kingly.  The men should be looking up to him for strength.  On a personal note it’s engaging but its also bad leadership.  He’s also barefoot, which I find strange.  If he could gather up his army, couldn’t he also gather up a pair of sandals?

David makes one more brilliant decision before leaving.  He tells his best advisor to stay behind to advice Absalom.  That gives David a mole in the royal court itself, and someone to mess up the kid with bad advice.  It’s arguably this move that saves his kingdom.

CHAPTER 16

David is on the run and meets two very different receptions from two people.  The first gives his men donkeys and supplies.  That’s nice.  The second one isn’t nice at all.

Let’s look at the second guy, because this is one of the best moments in the Bible.  The guy is Shimei, and he has a grudge.  He’s related to Saul, and he blames David for everything bad that happened to Saul and Israel.  He’s cursing David the entire time he passes, never mind that David is traveling with an army. 

Some men tell David – look, boss, we got lots of swords here.  Whadaya say we shut this guy up permanently?  Here is where David is at his best – his most thoughtful, his most sensitive – and also his most aware of his own failings.  And all that leads to a clear statement of mercy on his part.  He first tells his men, let the man talk.  What do we care?  In fact, he takes it further to see maybe the Lord has told him to curse me.  Who should interfere with him for doing that? 

This is fascinating because often the Bible portrays things like everything is some sort of sports contest.  Our guys are the good guys!  They are the bad guys!  Therefore, anything done by Us is allowable because we’re the good guys.  So let Joshua commit a serious of genocides – let’s celebrate!  Let Samson kill many Philistines for little reason.  Let’s celebrate because he’s Our Guy killing Them!

But here you get not just someone but the most important character since Moses realizing that life is black hats verses white hats.  Instead, we all wear shades of gray.  And David certainly hopes he’s the good guy.  He certainly hopes that God is on his side.  He’s not going to give up.  But he’ll open himself up to the possibility that this might not be the case. 

David has learned wisdom.  As horrible as his sinning and unforgivable the treatment of Uriah the Hittite was, David has taken that to be wiser.  And he’s using that wisdom to display mercy and tolerance towards others.  David is engaging in a highly unexpected personal redemption. 

In fact, David goes on and tells his men, “If my own son, who came forth from my loins, is seeking my life, how much more might this Benjamite so do!  Let him alone and let him curse, for the Lord has told him to.  Perhaps the Lord will look upon my affliction and repay me with good for the curses he is uttering this day.” 

He’s hoping to achieve redemption and salvation before the Lord by undergoing suffering.  That’s a theme that will really resonate in the New Testament. 

Actually, as much as I’ve got on David for his seeming foggy approach to his children in the previous chapters, this is really the same sort of approach here.  How can I upbraid Amnon for raping his sister? Look at what I did to Uriah!  How can I have Absalom put to death for what he did?  Look at what I’ve done!  David is not without sin, so he won’t cast the first stone.

Also, it reminded me of something a young Abraham Lincoln once wrote.  He was asked to write the epithet for an old Indian who had just died.  He said (and I don’t quite remember the Indian’s name and maybe a bit off on the wording, but oh well): “Lord, be kind do Johnny Kick-a-pot, just as you would want Johnny Kick-a-pot to be to you, if you were Johnny Kick-a-pot, and Johnny Kick-a-pot was You.”  (The name had a cadence like Kick-a-pot, OK?) Both with Lincoln there and David here, there is a nice sense of empathy – a sense of putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. 

This is one of the greatest chapters of the entire Bible.  It’s up there with Chapter 18 of Genesis when Abraham debated God over Sodom and Gomorrah. 

Oh, and the chapter isn’t over.  Absalom makes it to Jerusalem and falls immediately into David’s trap by accepting the mole advisor.  But Absalom’s real advisor gives him this advice: take the 10 concubines David left behind to take charge of the household in his absence and fuck them all.  That’s the ultimate sign of possession.  It’s what Reuben did to Jacob to anger him so.  Oh, and do it in public so everyone knows about it.  That will discourage David’s friends but good. 

So Absalom does it.  Two things: 1) 10 in one day?  My golly he’s an energetic lad!  Second, the Bible says he orders a tent put up on the roof for the mass raping. The Bible’s exact phrase: “So a tent was pitched on the roof.”  So a tent was pitched?  Is that the origin of that euphemism for an erection?

CHAPTER 17

Still in Jerusalem, the real advisor tells Absalom to strike while the iron is hot – go after David tonight.  But the mole advisor cautions against.  David and his men are good fighters.  Better to gather all forces you have before proceeding.  Absalom then loses the war by trusting the wrong guy.  The real advisor takes it rather hard.  He quits, goes home, and hangs himself.  Man, I know his advice is correct, but this is an overreaction.  If you react this strongly, it means you’re too sure of your own opinions.  He’s right in this case, but it really contrasts with how David is conducting himself.

Anyhow, messengers are sent to David.  They get there, but not after a hideout in a well that sounds like it inspired several movie chases.  (I’m thinking of Battle of Algiers, but I’m sure it’s been in others).  Once David knows what his son will do, he knows how to act. 

CHAPTER 18

Now for the fight.  David first intends to go out with his army, but his soldiers won’t have it, saying he is worth 10,000 of them.  (I don’t know if it’s intended, but that reminds me of the line “Saul has kills his thousands / And David his tens of thousands.”  He’s still a five-digit man, all these years later).  He agrees to stay behind, leaving his army in three groups, one led by Joab, another by Joab’s brother, and the last by Ittai the Gittite, who said he’d stay after David encouraged him to leave a few chapters earlier.

David has just one order: be gentle with Absalom.  I have mixed feelings here.  On a personal note, this is touching that David still shows mercy to his son, even after all the son has done.  It fits in with how he’s handled his previous problems with his sons, but actually expands it.  Now the transgression is against not Tamar or the firstborn, but David himself, yet he still cautious restraint in how the kid is treated.

That’s one reaction.  The other is simply put – David, that’s dumb.  He’s pushing mercy to and past the breaking point.  Letting someone off the hook who doesn’t feel he has any reason to be forgiven is just playing the patsy.  Also, as king he has to think like a king instead of a father sometimes.  That’s harsh, but it’s true. 

In battle, David’s forces win, but the real action happens with Absalom.  He is removed from his mule in bizarre manner.  The mule goes over some branches and Absalom is caught by his hair in the tree.  The hell? I’m reminded of a Far Side cartoon.  The caption read “Nature scenes we rarely see” and the drawing was of a deer jumping over a log but getting its horns caught in a branch.  That’s what happened here.

Some of David’s men see him, and report it to Joab. A great little exchange ensues.  Joab says they should’ve killed Absalom, and then Joab would just have rewarded them.  The men replied – hey, don’t play us for saps.  We know that David’s only command was to be gentle to Absalom.  If we kill him and report it back to David, he’ll be infuriated with us and you’ll just sit off on the side twiddling your thumbs. 

That’s great.  Everyone wants the kid dead (but David, of course).  But everyone wants someone else to take responsibility. Joab wished they’d done it on their own, and they’re not about to be the fall guy.  Hey, Joab – if you want the kid dead, then take your military command butt over there and do it yourself. 

And Joab does.  I’ll say this for Joab, when he sees someone he thinks should be killed, he’s always willing to do the killing.  He spears Absalom.  (Technically, Joab’s assistants finish him off, but it’s all on Joab).  Then again, as military commander, Joab has enough status to ride this one out with the boss). 

Now someone has to tell David.  Two messengers are sent.  The first just with the news of victory in the field.  The second has the bad news.  It’s a sad and somewhat pathetic scene.  David sees a runner in the field by himself and says if it’s just one man running it must be good news.  And so it is – we won!  Then he sees a second man in the field and figures it’s also good news.  He also says that they won the battle.  But David responds to the second guy exactly as he had to the first guy.  After hearing the statement, he immediately asks, “Is young Absalom all right?”  The first guy didn’t know, but the second guy says, “May the enemies of my lord the king and all who rebel against you with evil intend be as that young man!” 

That’s a formalized way of saying Absalom is dead.  And you say it so formalized to cushion the blow.   Not that David feels at all cushioned, but that’s the next chapter.  The news ends Chapter 18.

CHAPTER 19

David is horrified.  He calls out for his son time and again – and loudly for all to hear.  His soldiers come back and see the king wailing, and lose heart and feel ashamed.  David keeps crying out again and again for his late son Absalom.

This is too much of Joab. David is taking it too far, and if there is anyone willing to give some tough talk and hard truths to David, it’s Joab.  He tells the king, essentially to man up, Nancy boy.  Grow a pair.  He berated David for making all his soldiers look and feel bad.  Does David care that Absalom wanted to kill him and all his other sons and his wives and the king himself?  It doesn’t look like it.

Joab, who typically comes off like the thuggish tough guy (maybe that’s just the lingering impression of his killing Abner, but that’s the lasting impression of him – until now) really states things memorably.  He berates David, ‘you have put all your servants to shame today by loving those who hate you and hating those who love you.  For you have announced today that officers and servants are nothing to you.  Indeed I am now certain that if Absalom were alive today and all of us dead, that would be fine with you.”  WOW!  That’s harsh – and absolutely dead on.  David is wallowing in his misery and the king can’t do that; especially when he feels misery over the death of the man he just fought.  Then Joab gives the king an order: “Get up!  Got out and speak kindly to your servants.”  And so David does so. 

While I really liked David’s soft approach during the rebellion, Joab’s harder tone here is perfect.

Now it’s time to reconcile with Israel.  Many had sided with Absalom, after all.  First David reconciles with his own tribe of Judah.  That makes sense.  He wins their hearts, we’re told.

Next comes the fun one: Shimei.  He’s the man who cursed at David back in Chapter 16.  Now he comes to the Jordan River to throw himself before the king and beg forgiveness for his misdeeds.  David’s aids have a simple answer: screw ‘im!  Kill him, boss!  But David isn’t like that these days.  “Should anyone die today in Israel?”, he says.  He knows he’s king, but again – he’s more reflective and forgiving that he was in his young days.  He pardons Shemi.

Continuing on, David comes to Meribbaal, the son of Jonathan who has eaten as David’s table these many years.  (The Bible calls him son of Saul here, but he’s always been the son of Jonathan previously).  David wants to know why Meribbaal didn’t come with and Meribbaal apologies.  David, in his spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation, lets it slide.  Next David comes to Barzillai, the man who helped David on his journey in Chapter 16.  He’s thanked. 

By and large, this is a very tender chapter.  Even Joab’s tough talk fits in.  As I’ve always maintained, the Bible is at its best when it about humans, and this section bleeds red with raw human emotion. 

There is a brief coda.  On the way back to Jerusalem, the northern tribes of Israel start quarrelling with the big tribe of Judah.  It’s just back-and-forth quarrelling for now, but it clearly foreshadows that the kingdom will split in two after David’s son Solomon dies.

Click here for the final chapters of Samuel II