Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Numbers: Chapters 5 to 9

After beginning Numbers, we now go deeper into it:


CHAPTER 5

Not much happens in the first half of this chapter.  The unclean are expelled.  Well, we already went over who is/not unclean already.  There are also some general laws about property.

But then comes the second half – with a trial by ordeal. What if a husband accuses his wife of adultery without any proof?  Then she is to drink some water that has some dirt from the tabernacle floor mixed in.  If her stomach swells and her uterus falls, then she’s guilty. If not, she’s in the clear.  As these things go, it’s not that bad of a trial by ordeal.  But boy, trials of ordeal sure don’t have a good reputation. 

Also, it’s only the woman who undergoes this.  There’s nothing about a woman who accuses her husband of infidelity. Going back to Abraham (or even further back, to Noah), the wife is covered by the husband.  He deals with God on behalf of the whole family.

CHAPTER 6

More bookkeeping.  This is about a group called the Nazirites, who apparently pledge themselves to God.  They can’t have anything from the vine and can’t cut their hair.  They can’t come into contact with any dead, not even their parents.  It’s all to make them more holy.  This must be a group of holy men that existed, so stories emerged how their existence went back to Moses so this bit was written in to provide a codified version of what they should do coming out of the mouth of the main prophet himself. 

CHAPTER 7

Oh my God.  I’ve read bookkeeping chapters, but nothing compares with this.  This chapter has got to be the low point of the Torah so far; and will almost certainly be the low point of everything in the Bible – except Chronicles I and II.  This is just insane.

You want to know what happens here?  The 12 tribes make offerings to the tabernacle.  One by one, they all make an offering on behalf of the tribe.  Folks – they all make the exact same offering.  Exact same thing.  So does the Bible say, “They all offered the following” like you’d think?  Nope.  First Judah gives a series of things, then the tribe of Issachar gives the same thing, and so on down the line.  People, these offerings aren’t just one or two things, but a list of things that takes six verses to describe.

So we get those six verses 12 straight times in a row.  It’s like Rainman took over writing the Bible when he was fixated on a grocery list of something.  It’s the same and same and same and same and same.  It’s even more repetitive than that last sentence.

Oh, and when it’s done – the Bible decides to summarize the offerings.  Really, Bible, really?  I mean, you really felt that need, did you?  Yikes.  It weights in at 89 verses, easily the longest chapter of the Bible so far. 

Random comment – the tribes give their offering in the same order they’re listed in back in Chapter 2 when they set up camps. 

CHAPTER 8

Yawn.  This is just a boring chapter, not even enough to be annoyed at like I was last chapter.  This is just about the Levites.  God says they alone are totally dedicated to him and so will take the place of the firstborn of all Israelites.  All first born belong to him, for he passed them over in Egypt, but the Levites will be a replacement.

Eh, this just tells me the Levites weren’t really a tribe at any point like the others.  They are all dedicated to God? All?  Eh, there are always exceptions in a family, and the tribes are basically one big family. 

They are to begin working for the Lord at age 25, and retire at age 50. 

CHAPTER 9

More yawning.  So far, Numbers is doing far worse than Leviticus.  That was entirely dry and devoid of all actions, but this is about purely bookkeeping and methodological stuff.  This is about the second Passover.

You do see a few more laws put in.  If you’re unclean because you came in contact with the dead or because you’re traveling, it’s OK to celebrate Passover, but wait a month.  This is just a logistical point they had to deal with. 

The Lord appears as a fiery cloud.  Yeah, he does that some times.  

EDITED to add: Click here to continue with Numbers: Chapters 10 to 14

2 comments:

  1. What if a husband accuses his wife of adultery without any proof? Then she is to drink some water that has some dirt from the tabernacle floor mixed in. If her stomach swells and her uterus falls, then she’s guilty. If not, she’s in the clear. As these things go, it’s not that bad of a trial by ordeal. But boy, trials of ordeal sure don’t have a good reputation.

    A few comments back, I gave you a friendly jibe for not noticing that Lev 18:22 contains no condemnation for lesbianism. I did so because I honestly thought that you would catch that on your own. Here, however, I won't tease you; because in order to get what's really going on in this passage, you have to put aside a lot of nonsense that you often hear about the Bible, especially from a large segment of the population that will try to tell you that the Bible says something that it really doesn't.

    Personally, I like to think of this passage as one of those gifts the Almighty gives to people who actually take the time to read the book, rather than just have people tell them what the book says.

    So what's going on in Numbers 5:11-31? We have a husband who's suspicious of his wife. There are no witnesses who saw her with another man; she wasn't caught in the act; but, the husband thinks that something might be amiss.

    So the husband brings his wife to the meeting tent, and the priest whips up a holy concoction for the woman to drink. If the woman is innocent, then the potion will have no affect on her whatsoever. If, however, she is guilty of adultery and carrying another man's child, then God's potion given to her by the priest will induce an abortion and cause her to miscarry, so that she won't bring another man's child to term.

    That's right; we're talking about a Biblical morning after pill.

    Pretty tough to square that against all the talk you hear from many who claim that there's a Biblical basis for banning all abortions. We already saw in Exodus how the fetus is not treated under God's law the same as a child; now we see God Himself setting up a mechanism whereby a pregnancy can be terminated.

    Again, one of the gifts you get for taking the time to read the Bible for yourself.

    Peace and Love,

    Jimbo

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  2. Huh - I didn't even pick up on that, with the line about the uterus dropping -- but, by George, you're right!

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