CHAPTER 20
So Miriam dies. She
really wasn’t much of a character, stuck in the background, only coming to the
foreground to give her song about getting out of Egypt, and joining Aaron in a
rebellion against God. That said, she’s
probably the most memorable female character since Rebekah, wife of Isaac. The Bible is mostly about guys.
Then the Israelites complain yet again. They need water. Well, that’s a legitimate concern, but my golly am I getting sick
of hearing them say how they were better off before and why were they taken
from Egypt. Well, God has a solution. It’s
an oldie but a goodie. He tells Moses
to command a rock to yield water. He
did it before (back in Exodus – Chapter 17) and it worked, so it should work
now.
But things get weird.
Moses taps on the rock twice, and water springs forth – but God is deeply
upset. So upset, that he decrees that
neither Moses nor Aaron will reach the Promised Land themselves. Wait – what? Seriously? The hell?
Well, the problem is that Moses felt the need to top the
rock a second time, which apparently showed a lack of faith in God. If he had faith, just one tap would be
enough. OK, but that’s really small
potatoes. In face, when I read this at
age 10, I couldn’t even figure out what the problem was. God tells Moses to get water from the rock
and he did. At the very least, the
punishment doesn’t fit the crime. It’s
wildly disproportionate. Moses has
carried God’s water all along. He’s
been in the painful role of middleman of an often angry God and a whining
people. Moses has been stressed, but
he’s always been there. But … he tabs
the rock twice and he’s out.
And how about Aaron?
He literally didn’t do anything here, and he gets punished. Mind you, he’s done much worse earlier, but
now the punishment comes along? Man,
this story isn’t very pleasant. God comes
off like a real dick.
Well, it makes more sense if you know the Biblical
scholarship for how it was written.
This is believed to be written by source P, the third of the four
authors of the Torah. The first two were J and E, both of which came from the
days of the divided kingdoms. J came
from the priests of Judea, who traced their lineage back to Aaron. E came from the ten tribes of Israel, and
they traced their origins to Moses.
Well, Israel fell to Assyria, and some priests came south to Judea, and
took their holy books with him. This
wasn’t good for the Judeans priests from Aaron’s loins. The E book had plenty of nasty things about
their forerunner – the golden calf, the rebellion with Mirian – and that made
them look bad. So when they wrote P,
one thing they did was get some revenge on Moses. He was too big a figure to take head on, but they could get him
when they can. So they disfigured him
in Exodus 34, and here have Moses denied entry into the Promised Land.
But they sure found a weak rationale for doing it.
At any rate, the chapter goes on and they ask passage
through Edom, but are denied. The Bible
makes it clear – Edom is in the wrong, not Israel. They’re the ones acting unbrotherly. That can justify any future fights Israel has against them.
At the end, Aaron dies.
So it’s book ended by the deaths of Moses’ kin.
CHAPTER 21
Now the Israelites aren’t just on the move, they’re on the
warpath. Not always, but they engage in
their first battles since mid-Exodus.
They beat up the King of Arad, whoever he is. They go around Moab, and there is bad blood there. (Moab is one of the nations descended from
Lot’s incest with his daughters). Then
they beat up the Amorites. There are
some pretty violent songs of success here.
It’s Psalm 18 all over again. (Or maybe I should say Psalm 18 is Numbers
21 all over again, as this does come first in the Bible). Oh, then they beat King Og of Bashan. King Og? Yeah, there’s another name that
didn’t catch on.
But along the way, we have some more complaining
Israelites. They again say life sucks –
this time it’s the quality of the food.
So God sends done poisonous snakes to bite them. Eventually its solved, but there is a theme
here, now isn’t there? No matter what
God does, as soon as things go wrong, people complain. You got to wonder – is God regretting the
whole deal he made with Abraham? He
promised to make Abraham a great nation is Abraham did right. Abraham upheld
his end of the bargain, but boy are Abraham’s descendents an obnoxious
bunch. He didn’t know what he was
getting into when he involved himself with this bunch.
CHAPTER 22
Now for an unusual little segue in the Bible. The next three chapters tell a story about
people we haven’t seen before and won’t see again. I don’t think any are
Israelites, though one kind of is.
King Balak of Moab is wetting his pants over the
Israelites. They have been kicking butt
and taking names, and Balak wants help.
So he summons Balaam, who is really good at divination, to lay a curse
of them. Now, as the story comes out
Balaam kinda comes off as an Israeli, but he apparently isn’t. He believes in their god, but he isn’t in
their tribe. Anyhow, Balaam is told to come and says no. I can’t lay a curse on people God
likes. He’s asked again. He says no again, saying that he wouldn’t
come for a house full of gold.
Now things get a bit weird.
God comes to Balaam and tells him to go. So Balaam goes – and God is infuriated. Wait – what? This is the
second time in three chapters God comes off like a dick. There is a traditional Biblical
explanation. God tells Balaam to go on
the condition you do exactly as I tell you to do. Well, the theory is that Balaam has decided to go for the money
after all. OK, that’s a theory. But it’s based on reading into the Bible
more than what is actually there. But
what’s actually there makes God seem extremely capricious and frankly like a
dick.
But the story gets more interesting. Because rather than just tell Balaam to go
back, God acts through Balaam’s donkey.
The donkey sees the angel of the lord with his sword unsheathed. Three times this happens, three times the
donkey goes away, and three times Balaam beats his donkey.
And here’s where it gets really interesting. The donkey talks. Officially, it’s God talking through the donkey, but the donkey
is talking. This is the first talking
animal in the Bible since the snake in Eden.
I’m not sure if we’ll ever see another talking animal. The donkey tells Balaam not to beat him
because he’s always been good before.
Balaam, for his part, takes things in stride. After briefly debating the donkey, he agrees he’s in the wrong –
and it doesn’t hurt that he now also sees the Angel of the Lord. Me?
If I was the one who a donkey started talking to – I’d freak out a
bit. “Holy crud? You can talk??!?!?”” But Balaam takes that
part in stride.
Anyhow, once Balaam sees the angel, the Lord tells him to go
to Balak, but only do what the Lord says.
That’s what God said earlier, but now it’s officialized or
something. I dunno.
He goes and meets Balak.
On to the next chapter.
CHAPTER 23
Balak wants Balaam to curse the Israelites, but Balaam can
only do what the Lord tells him. And
he’s not about to curse the children of Israel. So comes the first oracle – and like all of these oracles, it’s a
poem. Instead of cursing the
Israelites, they’re blessed. Balak, as
you might have guessed, is livid.
OK, but Balaam is good at this sort of thing, so let’s try
again. They go to a new location, as if
that’ll change things. And out comes a
second oracle. And again, they’re
blessed.
Balak, slow on the draw, tries it again. Let’s change
locations again! That’ll solve
everything! But that comes in Chapter
24, because this section is one of those parts where chapter breaks is
especially arbitrary.
CHAPTER 24
So does the third oracle work? Nope. They’re again
blessed, and Balak is even told the Israelites “will devour hostile nations,
break their bones, and crush their loins.”
Well now, that doesn’t sound too pleasant.
Balak is deeply upset.
Hey – what happened to cursing these guys? Balaam says, hey – I told you
I couldn’t curse these guys. Balak
tells him to scram and go home without any reward. Balaam says he already said he wouldn’t do it for a house full of
gold, so he’s fine without getting a paycheck.
Then he surveys the field and offers up a fourth and final
oracle. It’s more of the same, but now he’s more precise in things. He says
Israel will crush Moab, “and the skull of all the Sethites.” The nation of Amalek will perish
forever. The Kenites won’t be safe –
but it’s Assyria that will do them in.
(So clearly this was written during the heyday of Assyria). The Ishmaelites will perish forever. Then Balak goes home.
It’s an interesting little side story in the Bible. I just wonder where it came from. I suppose it’s to help fully justify the
Israelites conquering what is at this point someone else’s land, and further
dramatize that God is on their side.
It’s one think for God to say it, but nothing quite brings the story
home like a nice story. Edicts are
boring, but stories catch the eye. But
it’s odd with the talking donkey.
CHAPTER 25
Back to the Israelites again. And shocker upon shocker – they’re screwing up again. Man, that sure was a bum deal God made for
himself with Abraham. It ain’t going
well at all so far.
Now they’re not complaining. Now the Israelites are breaking the first commandment, and
worshipping other Gods. They’ve taken
up with Moabite women and worshipping Baal.
Yeah, that won’t end well. God
orders the leaders executed and Moses tells people to kill everyone. Whoah – that’s going beyond God’s orders,
pal. This is actually a worse that
double tapping a rock, but God doesn’t seem to mind here.
Aaron’s grandson Phinehas sees a mourning Israelite and a
Moabite women by the tent of meeting (tabernacle) and is offended. These are the problem and they’re within
spitting distance of the holiest of holies.
So he takes a spear and kills them both. Yikes. He’s congratulated
for this. Meanwhile, a plague kills
24,000 and everyone learns their lesson – for the time being anyway.
Lastly, Lord tells Moses that the Midianites are enemies to
be struck down. This really sucks
because we’ve met a Midianite and really liked him – Moses’s father-in-law,
Jethro, who is a really likable character.
Moses lived with them for decades.
Now they’re bad guys? Oh man
that sucks.
Really, a lot of this section has questionable morals. It’s a lot livelier than much of the
previous 60-70 chapters of the Bible, but a lot is difficult to grapple with.
EDITED to add: click here to continue with Numbers: Chapters 26 to 31
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