Exodus: Chapters 6-8

Back to Exodus.  Last time, we just met the main characters and the situation. Now we get to the plagues - halfway through, to be exact. 

CHAPTER 6

This is a bit of a detour.  We ended Chapter 5 seemingly on the verge of the plagues.  Moses had asked once for the pharaoh to let his people go, and instead the Israelis just got more abuse.  God had said he’d rescue them and here  … we get some of what we’ve already heard and some bookkeeping. 

God renews his promise to save them. He’s renewing the covenant with the patriarchs of Genesis.  One wrinkle that strikes me as new – God tells Moses to let the Israelites leave his land.  Wasn’t it just a three-day thing he asked for last time?  It’s mostly repeating stuff, though.  Well, that’s what happens when you take 3-4 different sources together to make the Torah.

But then we get the genealogy of Moses and Aaron, and whadaya know – turns out we get names for Moses’ mom and dad.  His mom, the women who left him in the basket, is named Jochebed.  Papa Moses was Amram.  Oh, and Mother Moses was an aunt to Papa Moses.  Yeah, but at this point in the Bible we’re used to that stuff.  (Still, if the Hebrew were as numerous as claimed, why are they still marrying inside the family.  Ah, never mind). 

Moses and Aaron have good genes.  Their dad will die at age 137.  His dad died at 133.  And his dad – Levi, son of Jacob – also died at age 137.  That’s steady.  Aaron has a grandson named Phinehas, who the footnotes tell me will be a priest later on. 

Not much to this chapter, though.

CHAPTER 7

OK, here’s where things get fun.  Now that bookkeeping is done, we get back to the action.  First its time for dueling staffs. 

Before the pharaoh, Aaron throws down the staff and it turns into a snake.  Interesting – it’s Aaron doing it, even though the Lord gave it to Moses at the burning bush.  Then the Egyptian magicians thrown down their staffs and they also turn into snakes. 

Pause: OK, how is that explained?  Well, there’s a simple explanation in Christian theology – the devil is turning the Egyptian staffs into serpents.  OK, but this story was over 1,000 years old before Christ came around, and in Jewish theology the devil isn’t much of a thing.  It looks like one of those messy loose ends of the Bible; and frankly it’s one of those messy loose ends that makes the book so interesting and compelling.

Are we seeing an old tradition of polytheism at work here?  That’ll keep on cropping up at times.  In it, God is the most powerful God and God of the Hebrew, but being the God of the Hebrew doesn’t make you the only God.  Heck, to some extend singling him out as God of the Hebrew implies there are other Gods.  After all, if he’s God of all, why is he  focusing so much on that sharpster Jacob?  From what I know, Biblical scholarship things God began as just the God of the Hebrew but developed into God overall. 

Anyhow, Aaron’s serpent/staff wins, eating the others.  Damn, that’s one hungry staff!

But the pharaoh ain’t impressed?  Your God can turn a staff into a snake, well so can my magicians.  Get lost, Aaron – and that Moses with you.

So it’s time for plagues.  The first one is maybe the most ghoulish one of all: they turn the Nile to blood.  Yuck.  Again, by the way, it’s Aaron doing it.  (Step aside Charlton Heston, Jim Belushi will take it from here!)  That is surprising, but from what I know from reading Richard Elliot Friedman, the two main sources for this part of the Torah are J and E, which likely came from the priesthoods of the divided kingdom era, and the priests of one nation (either Judea or Israel) traced themselves back to Aaron, and the other Moses. 

Anyhow, all the fish die – I wonder if PETA sent a letter of protest to the Lord? – and the river stinks so badly that no one wants to drink from it.  (Yeah, ya think?)  Question: how long would this last?  A few days and it wouldn’t be too bad, but the Nile is the drinking water for everyone.  Also, wouldn’t this affect the Israelis as much as the Egyptians?

What comes next is really strange: 7:22: “But the Egyptian magicians did the same by their magic arts.”  Wait – the Egyptian magicians can turn the Nile into blood, too?  So … did it turn back to water quickly?  Is this like turning the Chicago River green on St. Patrick’s Day or something?  And how can the magicians do likewise?  Either the devil of polytheism, I guess.

The real question: WHY would the magicians do this?  Oh yeah, Aaron?  Your God is so tough he can ruin our water supply? Oh yeah, well – so can our God?  Uh… shouldn’t you be using your magic to, oh I dunno – fix the damn Nile?  This is really stupid of them.  The Bible mentions that Egyptians have to dig for drinking water. Problem: Egypt doesn’t have enough water without the Nile!  That’s why it’s called the gift of the Nile!  And again, this really should hurt everyone, Egyptian and Hebrew.

But you know who isn’t hurt?  The pharaoh.  The Bible notes he just goes back to his house and ignores it. Man, what a jerk.  Forget how horrible he is to his Hebrew slaves, he’s supposed to be head of Egypt and the Nile is blood and there isn’t enough water from wells – but you damn well know the pharaoh will get some well water, so who cares?  Jerk.

So that leads to the second plague: frogs.  This seems like such a minor thing after the first plague, but there is a method here.  The damn frogs hop everywhere – including into the pharaoh’s home.  He can’t blow off the issue this time.  Pharaoh is stuck in bed with Michigan J.Frog.  Heh.  The jerk got jerked around.  Oh, and once again it’s Aaron summoning the plagues.  We should just let Charlton Heston go out for donuts or something – Jim Belushi has it covered. 

CHAPTER 8

Wait – OK, Chapter ended with the Lord telling Jim Belushi and Charlton Heston to that frogs come next.  They start hopping around here in Chapter 8. 

And again, for reasons that defy logic, the magicians try to show up God but … doing the exact same thing.  This is like FEMA deciding to clean up Hurricane Katrina by blowing the rest of the levees.  Guys, guys – it’s nice that you have some sort of powers, but would work much better would be if you used your powers to help your boss out, not redo the same troubles in the first place. 

So the pharaoh asks Moses and Aaron to pray to the Lord to remove the frogs.  (Heh – shouldn’t your dummy magicians be doing that?) and Moses agrees.  (Wait, why is Moses doing the talking?  Moses is talking to the pharaoh while Aaron is taking the actions.  Seems backwards.  Oh well – Heston has a much better voice than Lesser Belushi anyway).  Moses does and the frogs all die.  Time for another protest letter from PETA.  The land stinks with dead frogs (beware disease!), but once the frogs are gone, the pharaoh is back on jerk mode, and reneges on his promise to Moses.

Time for the third plague: gnats.  Again, Jim Belushi handles the action sequence, striking the earth to rise up gnats.  Again, the world’s dumbest bunch of magicians decides to make the problem worse rather than solve it – they summon more gnats.  Oh goodie.  I’m sure Joba Chamberlain will be thrilled.

But – for once – the magicians can’t reduplicate it.  Actually, this is the first bit of good news to come to the pharaoh.  Only half the gnat problem he’d otherwise have.  But as dumb as the magicians are, the pharaoh is matching them.  He doubles down on this heart hardening and won’t do anything.

Time for the fourth plague – flies.  That’s not too different from the last one, but OK.  Flies are bigger.  I don’t think it says if Charlton Heston or Jim Belushi brings on the flies.  But there is a key new bit of info – we’re told the flies are only swarming where Egyptians live, not where the Hebrew live.  The LORD wants the pharaoh to know “I will make a distinction between my people and your people.”  OK, among other things that’s a tacit admission that the Egyptians have their own god.  Second, that means that the first three plagues should’ve affected everyone.  Ouch.  So the Israelis were enslaved, beaten, had their drinking water turned to blood (twice! – once by their guy, once by the buffoons), had frogs (twice!), and gnatted up by good. 

Pharaoh makes a concession – I’ll let you sacrifice to your God, Moses, but do it in my land.  Moses says no, because “If we sacrifice what is abhorrent to the Egyptians before their very eyes, will they not stone us?” Actually, under the circumstances, I’ll bet they’ll settle.  If it’ll get rid of the flies, I bet they’ll take that deal.  The pharaoh caves, the flies leave and the Pharaoh does what he always does – hardens his heart.  Dummy.

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