Exodus: Chapter 38 to 40

Here it is - time to exit Exodus: the final three chapters.  Last time, they were constructing the tabernacle, and that's where we pick it up:

CHAPTER 38

Same as it ever was.  Earlier we got the big description of what was to be built for the Lord.  Now they build it.  It’s every bit as dull as it was last time around, only now it’s just what we’ve already been told. 

One thing I picked up on, Bezalel – the guy who made the ark itself last chapter – is the son of Uri son of Hur.  And of course, Uri is the original Holy Handyman.  So I guess the Holy Handyman position is some sort of family thing. 

CHAPTER 39

Now they make clothing for the priests.  Folks, this is one of the longest chapters in Exodus (43 lines) and all they do is make vestments. 

Well, that’s not quite right.  Vestment making takes up only 31 verses.  Then, finally, mercifully, all the work is presented to Moses and we’re given the words we’ve so long wanted to hear: “Thus the entire work of the tabernacle of the tent of meeting was completed.”  PRAISE BE THE LORD! 

Moses likes the work and blesses it.  Boy, good thing the Holy Handymen came from the right family – can you imagine another 3-4 chapters of reading about this stuff if Moses wanted it shipped back to the manufacturer for a refund?

CHAPTER 40

Now that it’s all been built, it’s time to actually set up the Holy of Holies.  Turns out Moses does that by himself.  No help?  He puts the pedestals in single-handedly, puts the ark where it belongs and the like.  I have trouble believing he did all that himself.  Isn’t moving the ark designed to be a two-man job?  Eh, no big deal. 

God apparently likes the stuff and makes his presence felt in the tabernacle.  And that’s how Exodus ends.  The book begins with the Israelites stuck away from home in Egypt and ends with God entering his new home on the earth in the tabernacle. 

Well, that’s Exodus for you.  This book starts off with some slam-bang action but after 15 chapters, almost everything people know about the 40-chapter book is done.  In the back half they go to Sinai, get the Commandments, and Moses has a cow over the calf.  Plenty in the back half is everyone’s least favorite part of the Bible – cubits and heavy detail of objects. 

It’s not as affecting as the stories of Genesis.  My favorite parts of the Bible are when it is its most human – dealing with people, and their vivid lives.  Here?  It’s not the same.  Too much focus on either much bigger things (God) or much smaller things (cubits).  The back half is more boring than anything in Genesis, while the front half is maybe more disconcerting.  Those plagues were vicious, especially with the repeated refrain that the Lord was intentionally hardening the pharaoh’s heart.  Then again, I don’t think anything in Genesis matches the comedy of the Egyptian magicians stupidly matches Moses’ plagues instead of solving them. 

Then there is Moses.  He’s a memorable character, who has his great moments.  He freaks when the bush burns, and then later talks God out of killing all the Israelis.  And what does he get for his troubles?  He’s got to mediate between an irate Lord and a quarrelling people (who he once fears may stone him).  Oh, and he’s disfigured for life by coming into contact with the Lord.  He’s memorable, but he’s the only fully realized person in the book.  Aaron isn’t much more than a mouthpiece. 

Leviticus is up next and that has a reputation for being deadly dull.  While I’m sure it won’t be exciting, I can’t imagine it’ll be as bad as all the cubit talk here.  

Click here to begin Leviticus.

Exodus: Chapters 34 to 37

Last time we had the Golden Calf debacle.  Now let's see how things are going for the Israelites after that:

CHAPTER 34

Alright, since Moses wrecked the last pair of tablets in a rage over the calf, better make some new ones.  Moses is told to cut the stone tablets himself – but what about Uri, son of Hur – the holy handyman? 

You also get the following statement about God, a statement that will be one of the more repeated statements about him: “The LORD, a God gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in love and fidelity.”  That sure describes how millions (billions) of faithful like to see him.  One thing – the person making this statement is …. God. Well, OK then.  Good thing he didn’t say he is so incredibly modest.

God is nice to his people, he’ll forgive them for being a stiff-necked people, as he likes to call them, and even reiterates his desire to give them their promised land, mentioning the people he’ll drive out.  There’s nothing wrong with these people, but they aren’t the sons and daughters of Abraham.  Personally, this whole chosen people notion (the phrase “chosen people” isn’t here, but the ethos clearly is) rankles more than a little bit. 

God also instructs everyone to not worship other altars, because the Hebrew God is a jealous God.  OK, that’s another hint of early polytheism.  Worship this Lord not because he’s the only one, but because he’s our Lord – and he don’t like you to look at others. There’s also a bunch of reiteration of previously made points (there’s that line about not boiling a goat in its mother’s milk again), but then again where shortly after the Golden Calf debacle, so it’s nice to point out that he’s still on board with the plan, provided that the children of Israel stay on the straight and narrow.

The chapter ends with one of the oddest moments in the Bible.  Moses has been transfigured by spending so much time on the mountain with God.  His face apparently radiates light.  God is radioactive!  It shows the power of God, but it also gives birth to a stereotype.  Though the Bible says his faces is radiant, the ancient Hebrew word for it was similar to that for “horns” leading to mistranslation, sculpture of Moses with horns, and last by not least the stereotype that Jews have horns. 

This radiant face story also makes more sense if you know modern Biblical scholarship.  This story comes from the P source (unlike the rest of the chapter, which comes from J).  Of the four main sources in the Torah, the first written were E and J, which are believed to be the priestly classes of the divided kingdoms of Israel and Judea respectively.  Israel’s priests traced their lineage back to Moses and Judea’s did back through Aaron.  Israel’s 10 tribes fell to Assyria, and many of the priests came south – and brought their holy writings with them.  Those writings had many stories that many Aaron look bad (like the Golden Calf story).  Well, the priests in charge were associated with Aaron and didn’t like this, but they couldn’t denounce the holy book and Moses was too big a figure to trash.  At least they couldn’t trash him too much.  So they put little stories like this facial radiation thing in to bring him down a peg.  A lot of the Bible’s early books is different priest groups in-fighting with each other and trying to convince the masses of their own religious take on things.

CHAPTER 35

After Moses gets disfigured, the rest of Exodus is fairly mundane. Now it’s time to build the tabernacle and the ark and all the rest of it.  I thought this had happened earlier during the boringest of boring parts of the book, but it turns out that was just the instruction manual – now time for the actual construction.  And hey – the Holy Handiman is back, Uri, son of Hur.  Don’t know why he missed out on the tablets but he’ll lead the artisans on the rest. 

The people are sufficiently chastised by the golden calf incident, and send tons and tons of offerings to help build the sacred stuff for the Lord.

One quick passing note – early on God reminds them of the importance of the Sabbath.  He goes so far as to say “You shall not even light a fire in any of your dwellings on the Sabbath day.”  Dang, that’s serious.  Good thing the Promised Land isn’t Siberia.

CHAPTER 36

Odd chapter break.  At the end of the last one everyone was turning out with material to help with construction, and that’s where it begins this time.  In fact, there is so much stuff that they’re swamped.  The artisans even tell Moses “The people are bringing much more than is needed to carry out the work which the LORD has commanded us to do” so Moses has to issue an edict ending all contributions.  Heh.  I like the bizarre comedy of it all – “Quit being so damn observant everyone!  It’s getting annoying!”  Also, it shows how concerned the people are to show their loyalty to God after the Golden Calf debacle. 

The rest of the chapter is just what’s being built.

CHAPTER 37

More construction.  Nothing to really talk about at all.  The ark, table, menorah, and altar for incense are all made.  Bezalel makes the ark, not the Holy Handiman, Uri of Hur.  That’s a bit of an upset – I mean, at one point God asked for Uri by name.  You’d figure he’d get the prestige job of building the ark.  Nope.  Still, that must be quite a nice business reference for Uri – asked for by God.  I wonder if he puts that on his business card. 

Click here for the final chapters of Exodus.

Exodus: Chapters 29 to 33

Last time we looked at some pretty boring chapters.  This time, we get to one of the most famous incidents - the golden calf.

CHAPTER 29

This is about the consecration of priests, and on the face of it, this should be a very boring chapter, but it’s surprisingly vivid because of how frankly gory and bloody the consecration process is.  You don’t just say a few words and get sprinkled with some water.  Oh no – this is old school Judaism – there will be blood.

Bring a bull and some rams.  And don’t expect them to come out alive.  (Well, they don’t really entire alive, but you get the idea).  A bull is to be “slaughtered before the LORD” at the entrance of the tent of the meeting.  Put some blood at the base of the altar.  Take some fat and inner organs – and burn them at the altar.  The Bible is very precise here – two kidneys, the fat, and the lobe of the liver.  Meat, hide, and dung get burnt outside.  To be a good priest, you need to have not only knowledge of the Lord and his laws, but also of animals and their anatomy.  If the whole priest thing doesn’t work out for you, you can always become a butcher.  This job will train you well for it. 

Next kill a ram and splash its blood on all sides of the altar.  Then cut it to pieces and burn all but the inner organs and head.  The other ram you use to put blood on the priest.  Of course.  “Some of its blood you shall take and put on the tip of Aaron’s right ear and on the tips of his sons’ right ears and on the thumbs of their right hands and on the great toes of their right feet.”  Well, I’m glad to see with all this blood flowing that they’re not expected to wear shoes they care about. 

These are very different religious rituals from what I’d imagine occur in just about any current religion.

CHAPTER 30

More logistical matters here.  This one notes there should be an altar to burn incense from – and the chapter concludes that anyone who burns this incense for their own enjoyment shall be cut off from the people. There’s also a basin to wash yourself with – because before entering the holies of holies, you aren’t going to tread in dirt.  Oh, and there’s anointing oil.

Finally (well, it’s actually mid-chapter, but no matter) there is a census tax.  Everyone – by which it means every adult male – counted in the syllabus must pay a tax.  It’s a purely flat tax, which is unusual given the Bible’s frequent concerns for social justice, but there you go.

CHAPTER 31

This is another generic filler chapter, but at least it’s a short generic filler chapter.  Even better – it’s the last of these as next up we get Aaron and the Golden Calf. 

But here, there are two things of note.  One, the Lord appoints artisans to makes his stuff.  Uri, son of Hur.  Hey – Hur!  He was the guy on the mountain helping to hold up Moses’ hands way back during the Battle of the Amalek.  (checks).  Yup, there’s Hur, back in Chapter 17. Apparently his son Uri is quite the handyman.  In fact, he’s asked to be a holy handyman.  Not bad.

Second, the Lord makes it very clear that his Sabbath is to be observed.  And he isn’t kidding – “Whoever desecrates [the Sabbath] shall be put to death.  If anyone does work on that day, that person must be cut off from the people.”  OK, so apparently working on the Sabbath doesn’t qualify as desecrating it as there’s a different penalty.  So I wonder what it would be then?  I suppose it’s something like openly defying the Lord – something you’re not supposed to do on any day becomes doubly bad if done on the Sabbath.  So don’t do it.

CHAPTER 32

OK, now for a chapter everyone has heard of – the Golden Calf chapter.  Here’s the short version – Israelites figure Moses is taking too long, so they have Aaron build a golden calf and then they worship it as the God that delivered them from Egypt.  God is cheesed and wants to go all Sodom and Gomorrah on them, but Moses talks him out of it.  Then Moses goes down, gets cheesed, breaks the two tablets, and has 3,000 killed by the Levites. 

Well now, that sure is a memorable bit of action – especially coming after many chapters of no action.  Reading it outright, the most striking thing is how utterly, utterly feckless the Israelites seem to be.  People – God just put 10 plagues on people he didn’t like.  He parted the seas.  He literally rains bread upon you to eat.  He has water plop out of a rock.  Can you cut him some slack at all?  So the meeting with Moses is running a little long.  Deal with it! 

They don’t come off good at all.  They may be God’s people, but they ain’t done dick to earn it.  OK, so God made a pact with Abraham, but it seems like keeping his word to Abraham is the only thing the Israelites have going for them.  They aren’t any more moral than another people – they’re just in the lucky sperm club, theological division.  

And why would they claim the golden calf is the God that rescued them?  You guys just built that on your own.  The footnotes say that the calf is supposed to represent the Lord to them, but that defies the 10 Commandments – which were given to them back in Chapter 20.  The whole thing is absurd and maddening.  What in hell is going on here?

Well, that’s the thing – there’s a dirty little secret about this.  The entire story is just a parable of a sort.  It has nothing to do with what happened all those years ago and had everything to do with what happened later on while the Bible was written.

If you were to flash forward, during the divided kingdom days, we’ll see another golden calf worshiped by the Hebrew, just as they do here.  It was in the divided kingdom days that the first two of the four main Torah sources were written: J and E.  This particular story comes from source E, which is believed to have been the priests of the northern kingdom of Israel, which consisted of the 10 tribes.

Off the top of my head, I don’t really know where the golden calf was in those times – in Judea or Israel.  But if I were a betting man, I’d say Israel.  It all fits in, doesn’t it?  Let’s take it from the perspective of author E.  He’s a priest living in a time when the people around him are lapsing into literal idolatry, worshiping this golden calf.  That strikes him as an affront, but him just saying it’s an affront isn’t just enough. After all, he’s just a priest.  It works much better if you have Moses himself horrified.  So you put the story back in the past as a religious parable to denounce present conditions.  And you get a really vivid sense of how much the writer hated that damn calf.  Moses has the calf burnt into fire, ground down into powder, then scattered into water – and then made the people drink it.  I’ve heard of making people eat their words, but here they’re made to drink their calf. 

Oh, one other note along these lines: the priests of Israel were supposedly descended from Moses, and those of Judea from Aaron.  Thus you not only get Moses being the hero (naturally), but also a gratuitous slam on Aaron.  First he makes the calf (boo! Hiss!), and then when Moses confronts him he tries to blame the masses.  Wuss. 

A few other things about this chapter.  First, it’s one of the great examples of someone negotiating with God. We saw Aaron do it way back when over Sodom and Gomorrah, and we saw Moses do it at the burning bush, and now Moses does it again.  When God wants to start over and make a great nation of Moses (and thus kill all other sons of Abraham), Moses is there to calm God down.  You gave your word to Abraham, Isaac, and Israel!  The Egyptians will say you took your people out of their land just to slaughter them – and how will that make you look!

There is one other ghastly bit toward the end.  Moses, back with the Israelites, declares, “Whoever is for the LORD, come to me” and all the tribe of Levi joins him.  Then he tells them to take arms, and they kill  3,000 other Israelites.  This is under Moses direct orders, mind you: “God back and forth through the camp, from gate to gates, and kill your brothers, your friends, your neighbors!”  Ghastly, isn’t it?  That’s nothing – for their service to the LORD that day – their willingness to kill thousands of their brothers, friends, and neighbors – they become the priests.  Yeah, they earn the role of the priestly class because they took up arms against the other Israelites.  That’s mind-boggling in its theological implications.

CHAPTER 33

God is still calming down from the infamous calf incident of the previous chapter.  He repeatedly calls them a stiff-necked people, and he decides it’s best if he doesn’t get that close to them.  He won’t personally go in their company because “I might consume you on the way.” He kinda wants them all dead.  He repeats this, too: “Were I to go up in your company, even for a moment, I would destroy you all.”  Jeepers, the boss sure is pissed. 

Moses he likes.  In fact Moses he gives a great honor to – he lets Moses see him.  Apparently, a person can’t actually see God’s face or he’d die right away.  (So I guess previous statements of seeing God’s face – including one in this chapter in verse 11 – are just metaphors).  But Moses will get a high honor.  God tells Moses to hide in a rock crevice and God will walk past and Moses can see God from behind. 

I wonder what changed from the very early days.  God used to walk around Eden and walk with Enoch, but that was back before the Flood.  Now if anyone even sees his face, they die.  That’s quite the difference.

Click here for the next few chapters from Exodus.

Psalms 19 to 24

Picking up where I left off on psalms:

PSALM 19

This is a fairly standard and basic psalm.  It’s singing the praises to God.  The heart of the psalm is a list of ways the Lord is worthy of praise – his law is perfect, his decree his trustworthy, his command is clear and so on.  There is one item that strikes the modern ear rather surprisingly, “The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever.”  Huh.  Something forever fearful – and purely fearful – that’s not something that has as much modern appeal.  It’s a sign of how the times have changed and how our culture doesn’t perfectly mesh with the people way back when.

PSALM 20

This is another short psalm.  It’s fairly standard, with the title serving as the most interesting part: “Prayer for the King in Time of War.”  Yeah, that makes sense that you’d want to pray to God when putting yourself in a position where you might get killed.  And while killing others doesn’t sound like the most holy of endeavors, it would help to feel that you were sanctified in what you’re doing.

And this poem reinforces that sense of being morally right in what you’re doing.  The most memorable line reads: “Some rely on chariots, others on horses, but we on the name of the LORD our God.”  We have a cause, a cause that’s bigger than ourselves.  That doesn’t hurt in battle. 

PSALM 21

This starts off like a typical psalm and then ends up one of the bloodier ones.  There are three parts, and the first is a typical and pleasant praising of God. 

Then in part two we find out why God is being praised this time – because he lets the psalmist reign death upon his enemies!  “Your hand will find all your enemies; your right hand will find your foes!  At the time of your coming you will make them a fiery furnace.  Then the LORD in his anger will consume them, devour them with fire. Even their descendants you will wipe out from the earth, their offspring from the human race.”  This is a psalm with Arnold Schwartzeneger playing the role of God. 

The last part is a very brief “hurrah for God” sort of thing.  Well, yeah – you better hurrah for God.  Or he’ll kill you.  He’s not the Lord here- he’s Kaiser Soze.

PSALM 22

This is one of the most emotionally raw and harrowing psalms out there. You just want to hug the guy after the first section.  This is the psalm of a man who feels totally, totally alone – completely adrift.  “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” it begins (in words Christ will later say from the cross.  What does that tell us? This poem begins with the mindset of someone who is being crucified).  There’s all this harrowing language of being abandoned and a sense of being garbage – “But I am a worm, not a man, scored by men, despised by the people.  All who see me mock me.”  There is no upside here.  The psalmist bellows out: “In you our fathers trusted” – a sentiment, said in other psalms, but here it sounds more like a desperate plea.  Hey!  You treated our fathers well!  What about me!

In the second part the psalmist discusses all the enemies that surround him, and he compares them all to animals.  It’s like he’s stuck in the world’s most forbidding and evil zoo.  After that, though, he says he’ll proclaim the Lord’s name.  There’s no sense of why he’s doing it, especially after the opening lines of destitution.  But a clear inference can be made – he’s turning to the Lord because he’s got nowhere else to turn to.  Never mind that he’s apparently been turning to the Lord for quite sometime without effect, but that’s still the only card he has to play.

This is a heckuva psalm, by a man just punched in the gut and still suffering from it.  It’s one of the best psalms so far.   

PSALM 23

Here it is – the most famous psalm that ever psalmed.  “The Lord is my shepherd” psalm about how walking through the valley of the shadow of death without fearing any evil.

Let’s just ask – why is this the toppermost psalm of them all?  What makes this one stand out among the 150?  Thematically, there are many like it.  That makes sense – if it’s so popular, you’d expect there to be others like it.

And that theme is finding comfort in the Lord.  Isn’t that why people turn to God and religion?  Other psalms are more about rejoicing or retribution (or rejoicing in retribution, like the blood’n’gutsPsalm 18).  Others are cries of desperation, like Psalm 22. Both can be effective, but both are off-putting.  You turn to the Lord in times of need, but you hope it isn’t a time of desperation.  And many aren’t going to talk about seeing their enemies perish like some psalms do.

This one strikes a nice balance.  You have a sense of concern, that things around the psalmist are bad – he’s walking through the shadow of death, after all.  But as bad as it may look around him – it’s just that, around him.  The psalmist is calm.  The Lord is with him, so why shouldn’t he be calm.  He’s fear no evil because the Lord is with him, knowing that he’ll dwell in the House of the Lord for endless days.  (And hey – nice heaven reference for Christians reading this).

Lastly, it’s extremely well written with great imagery, the best of which I already noted above.  This is what a psalm is supposed to be.  No wonder it’s the most popular one of them all.

PSALM 24

After back-to-back great psalms, we get a brief and low key one.  It’s a praising of the wonderfulness of God.  Not too much to say.  Actually, that might be the main takeaway from this.  What I find compelling about the Bible is that it’s so often a highly human book.  It’s about people – real, flawed, multifaceted people – and their interactions with each other and the Almighty.  But it’s about people very often.  Many psalms are about God, and that just lays there flat and cold for me.  This is one of those psalms.

Oh, one thing I fount notable, there’s a line: “Life up your heads, O gates.”  Hmmmm…. Methinks that a psalmist is mixing some metaphors there.  (The footnotes even inform me that the ancient world didn’t have gates that moved up and down, so it can’t be that).

EDITED to all: Click here for the next batch of psalms.
 

Exodus: Chapters 24 to 28

Picking up where we left off, Moses and the gang are now by Mt. Sinai.

CHAPTER 24

OK, so I broke down and got from my library The Bible: WithSources Revealed by Richard Elliot Friedman, in which he uses different fonts and colors to go over the various authors widely believed to have written the Torah.  Great – just in time for the really boring parts to get ready. 

This chapter isn’t so bad.  It’s mostly E source (believed to be priests from Israel during the divided kingdom days), with some P at the end.  Here, the covenant is ratified when Moses approaches the Lord with some tribal elders.  Moses is told to come alone to the Lord (though later on, it says of the whole gathering “They saw God” but I assume they don’t mean the literal divinity. 

Moses gives a ceremonial offering and then takes the blood and splashes it on the people.  Boy, Judaism sure has changed over the millenniums.  Moses splashes them with blood saying “This is the blood of the covenant which the LORD has made with you according to all these words.”  Bit of Christian foreshadowing in there, with the Last Supper. 

The real big news is at the end.  God says he’ll give Moses stone tablets.  Oh yeah, I think I’ve heard of these.  Moses goes up on the mountain for 40 days.  The Bible sure loves the number 40.

CHAPTER 25

OK, here’s where things really get boring.  This is where we begin to get detail – into the extreme minutia – of the Lord’s tabernacle.  Then again, it makes sense they’ll got into extreme detail – this is meant as the Lord’s dwelling place on earth after all, better make it nice.  There’s another reason for such detail – the guys that wrote this (and this chapter is, unsurprisingly, entirely the P source who generally took care of the most mundane parts of all – the dang tabernacle was with them in the temple when they wrote this up.  Want to tell people what the Ark looks like? Well, look at it and describe it – and do a good job of it.

The most interesting part for me is when they’re describing the materials they’re going to use for this all. You got your bronze and your gold and your silver – all the obvious stuff.  You get fine linen, scarlet yarn – really good stuff.  Dyed red ram skins.  Sure, animal skins are always good.  Oh, and goat hair. 

Wait – goat hair?  Really?  Goat hair? Uh, OK – goat hair.  Why not.  I’ve always imagined goats as scraggly creatures – they eat anything after all.  But I guess that they have fine hair.  Actually, this might explain one of the most bizarre lines in the Bible.  Later on, in the Song of Solomon, the male lover describes his woman’s hair as “like a bunch of goats.”  Something like that – I don’t have the exact quote.  But yeah, if goat hair is a fine enough object to help make the Lord’s pad, it must be fine stuff indeed.

CHAPTER 26

More of the same.  It’s just more and more detail here.  You get tent cloth and the framework and the veils here.  Hmmm – if I recall rightly, the veils rip during or after Christ’s crucifixion (I think the gospels differ on that one).  But that’s getting way ahead of things.  The ark builders sure like cherubim – it’s all over the place here.  On the veils, on the ark, wherever they can put it.  Oh, and we get the goat hair put into use – it makes the sheets for a cloth that will cover the tabernacle itself.  The goat hair is to cover the tabernacle itself?  Man, that must be some fine stuff.  I should’ve paid more attention to the petting zoo as a kid. 

CHAPTER 27

More detail.  Boy, they really want to give you an exact idea here, don’t they?  (By the way, this really boring part is all P source; which isn’t at all surprising).  They really want to give you a good idea what it looks like.  It’s a shame this particular author isn’t good at painting a picture with words.  It reads more like a technical specs manual.  I guess that’s the point – be exact, not poetical.  But who wants to read a specs manual?  These are the details that get no one interested in religion.

This part tells us about the altar for burnt offerings, the court for the tabernacle, and oil for the lamps.  No detail is too small to cover – this is the Lord’s pad we’re talking about.  Actually, between the alter for burnt offerings and Moses splashing blood on people a few chapters earlier, you get a real sense for how, well, how earthy the whole religious experience could be.  God is above, but the processions done for him have a very real flavor for him.

CHAPTER 28

When I first started this Bible re-reading, my goal was to only read so many chapters a day, that way I wouldn’t read over parts and retain more of it.  But reading these chapters, I can see why I read over parts of it.  Oh, I’m standing to my original position, and will read slower and retain more – heck, I already have retained more.  But if I don’t retain too much of this part, well there are certainly worse losses than that. 

These chapters are to the Bible what Timon of Athens are to the Shakespeare canon – the only reason to read it is to say you read all of it. 

This is all about what priests are supposed to wear.  And as an added bonus, it’s one of the longer chapters in Exodus – 43 verses.  (checks) Chapter 12 is longer, Chapter 29 will be longer (Dammit!) and Chapter 39 is as long.  Of the 40 chapters in Exodus, this is tied for the third longest – and all it tells you is what the priests are supposed to wear.

I’ll make it brief for you: the priests are supposed to wear clothing.  There.  Now you know. The Bible gives a bit more precision than that.

Well, in slightly more detail, we learn that Aaron and his sons are supposed to be the priests.   Part of the priestly clothing is something called an “ephod” – which is an ancient Hebrew word they don’t translate because they’re not really sure what it is.  Heh.  That’s kind of a waste of a Bible section then.  It involves shoulder straps and a belt.  Maybe it’s like one of those “Kiss the Chef” aprons. 

I’d say more but I’ve already pretty much forgotten the chapter.  If you’re going to forget Biblical passages, this is a good place to start, though. 

We’re almost through the really boring parts here. But, boy, those Israeli can’t defy their Lord and make that damn golden calf quick enough for this reader!

Click here for more the next part of Exodus.

Exodus: Chapters 19 to 23

Picking up where we left off, the Israelites make it to Mount Sinai, where they keep 10 big commandments, and a ton of other laws.

CHAPTER 19

The Israelites go the Sinai.  From what I know, we have no idea what mountain that is.  We found the tallest one and called it Sinai, but it’s not clear if that’s the same one.  According to the footnotes, the Israelis will stay at the base of the camp here until Numbers, Chapter 10, verse 10, so this really is a key spot.

And here’s where you first get the imagery of Moses going up to the mountain to speak to the Lord.  The people say they’ll listen to the Lord (but – spoiler – they won’t always).  A rule is created – all who touch the mountain must be put to death.  Yeah, that’s sacred land alright.  Obviously, it doesn’t apply to Moses. 

He goes to the mountain.  Lightning and thunder.  Peals of smoke and fire.  The mountain trembles violently.  All the things you’d think of with the Lord talking – it begins here. And it’s made extra clear not to talk to God, unless you’re Moses.  “Go down and warn the people not to break through to the LORD in order to see him; otherwise many of them will be struck down.

He’s a distant figure that God. It’s not like the old days where he’d be in the Garden of Eden, and making clothing for Adam and Eve. Early on we were told that God would go walking with Enoch before “God took him.”  Sure, that was way back in Generation 7, but by my counting Enoch died 987 years after creation.  Well, Moses gets the burning bush 1,002 years after the flood.  And given how much longer people lived back then, you’d think they might have an even bigger population.  But God has decided its better to be more removed from the people now. 

CHAPTER 20

Here it is – the Ten Commandments.  It’s actually difficult to count them, as they aren’t numbered nice and easy for us.  In fact, looking it up, there are 13 rules different Jewish and Christian sects declare commandments.  They disagree on what are subpoints of others.  These are the most common ones as commandments: 1) No other gods before me, 2) No graven images, 3) don’t take the Lord’s name in vain, 4) remember the Sabbath, 5) honor your parents, 6) don’t kill, 7) no adultery, 8) no theft, 9) no false witness bearing, 10) don’t go coveting stuff.  Yeah, but breaking it down a bit further – that last one is broken into two parts by some groups – covet thy neighbor’s house/possessions, thy neighbor’s wife. On the other end, graven images and one God get combined. 

It’s a combination of two things – 1) good ethics and moral behavior, and 2) worship the Lord.  When he says “You shall not have other gods beside me” that’s typically taken as a statement that no other gods exist, but it could just mean that he’s the only god you should listen to.  That second approach would also explain his statement “For I, the LORD, your God, am a jealous God.”  If the other gods don’t exist, why be jealous?  Jealous of what?  My own take is that the Hebrew began thinking there was one god for them that they had a personal relationship with, and it later expanded into he’s the only one out there ever.  Maybe the whole thing began when a group of people running out of Egypt so quickly that they didn’t have time to leaven their bread were lucky enough to see their pursuers drown in the Sea of Reeds. 

There’s a nice bit of minor comedy after the Commandments.  “Now as all the people witnessed the thunder and lightning, the blast of the shofar and the mountain smoking, they became afraid and trembled.  So they took up a position further away.”  Heh.  I just like them all kinda casually creeping away from the mountain like that. 

God has simple tastes. No alter of gold or silver – just earth.  If you use one of stone, make it uncut stone “for by putting a chisel to it you profane it.”  Odd.  Random thought – maybe the main temples had a simple alter, and when people tried to set up altars on their own, they did it with more bling?  I know a lot of the Torah is written by priests trying to solidify their theological take and position. 

CHAPTER 21

You know how Leviticus gets a bad reputation as an unreadable chapter?  Well, the back half of Exodus is pretty much the same thing.  Almost all the stuff you can think of in Exodus has already happened – meet Moses, burning bush, 10 plagues, parted waters, 10 Commandments – and we’ve still got 20 of the 40 chapters to go. The only big cultural touchstone left is the Golden Calf.  I remember as a kid, maybe 10 years old, trying to read the Bible.  It was very interesting and full of good stories all through around this point, and then it got really dull, and didn’t un-dull until Joshua.

Laws, laws, and more laws. Get used to it people.  The footnotes tell me that most of the laws here can be found in other groups in the Near East, so – not surprisingly – they’re getting their ideas from a common culture. 

A lot of laws about slaves.  Apparently, if you have a Hebrew as a slave, he’s more an indentured servant, but if he chooses to stay a slave, he’ll be a slave for life.  And there’s pressure on him to do that – because if he gets married or has any kids while a slave, those don’t become free with him.  Ouch.  It looks like most female slaves are women purchased from their dads as secondary wives.  They can’t be sold to foreigners and if they’re denied, food, clothing of sex, they can leave. 

They ancient Hebrew distinguish between premeditated murder and manslaughter.  If you kill someone accidentally, you’re allowed to flee.  But if you intentionally killed someone, you’re put to death. That’s a hell of a difference – but keep in mind, there are no prisons.  That explains a lot of death penalties back in the day.

Death offenses: planned murder, kidnapping, striking your parents, or cursing your parents.  The footnotes says cursing means more than just swearing at.  Either way, that’s an eye-catcher. 

Injuring someone?  There’s a notion of a punishment that fits the crime.  And it goes into all sorts of ways that this can happen – just in general, by an ox, to an eye or tooth, etc. 

Here’s the most interesting one: “When men have a fight and hurt a pregnant woman, so that she suffers a miscarriage, but no further injury, the guilty one shall be fined as much as the woman’s husband demands of him, and he shall pay in the presence of judges.  But if the injury ensues, you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.” As written, “if the injury ensues” can only refer to the pregnant lady, not the fetus.  Both versions are predicated on a miscarriage, but a fetus is just a fine.  The pregnant lady herself?  That’s different.  The Bible treats the unborn as not the same as the born. 

So Exodus, Chapter 21, verses 22-25 are rather problematic for pro-life folks. 

CHAPTER 22

The first half of this chapter is just general law dealing with property.  Apparently, animals were a key source of property, which makes sense given their background as herdsmen.  That’s been the case going back to Abraham (even back when he was Abram). 

The second half is more interesting, as it delves into social laws. They wanted to make sure their women were virgins and anyone who seduced a virgin would have to pay a fine. But if you sleep with an animal, you die.  Yup, they had a death penalty for bestiality. 

Oh, and a female sorceress shall not be allowed to live.  No word on male sorcerers; I assume it was one of those professions associated just with women.  Also, the fact that they had his prohibition means some must’ve existed, and that goes against the First Commandment.  Later on, Saul will consult one to speak with the late Samuel. 

Oh, and you must treat resident aliens kindly, because you yourself were once resident aliens in Egypt.  Also treat widows and orphans well, or the Lord’s wrath will be upon you.  So there is a concern for social justice here. 

But there isn’t a concern for bankers.  The practice of giving out interest rates on loans is strictly prohibited.  Oddly enough, in Medieval Europe, Jews were often involved in banking.  Well, the language here says “If you lend money to my people” so I guess interest rates are OK to someone who isn’t a descendent of Jacob. 

Also, you should sacrifice firstborn oxen and sheep to the Lord.  I wonder if this is where the notion of the 10^th plague began.  First you had the sacrifice, and then later that plague story emerged to help explain/sanctify it. 

CHAPTER 23

This is another grab bag of laws.  Some of this just reads like good advise.  Don’t follow the crowd.  Don’t repeat a false report. Again they’re told to treat resident aliens properly. 

Oh, this one strikes me as odd, “You shall not favor the poor in a lawsuit.”  So far when the poor have been brought up, it’s been about social justice – do what you can to help out the poor.  Maybe this means you shouldn’t bend over backwards in a lawsuit involving the poor.  Or maybe it means you help the poor on your own time, not in the courts.  Wait – a little later it says “You shall not pervert justice for the needy among you in a lawsuit.”  So it is about not bending over backwards. (Oddly enough, between those two quotes is a pair of verses on handling oxen. Not sure why the ox stuff was put there, seems like it doesn’t belong).

Actually, there’s something I like in the ox talk: “When you noticed the donkey of one ho hates you lying down under its burden, you should not desert him; you must help him with it.”  It sounds like something allegorical.  I assume it’s meant literally, but it’s the sort of law you can draw a lot out of by way of analogy.  If you say your enemy having a problem, help solve the problem and don’t worry about it being your enemy.

Speaking of laws you can draw a lot out of, there’s a big one later on in this chapter: “You shall not boil a young goat in its mother’s milk.”  That’s a rather strange, enigmatic statement, but so much Jewish dietary customs have been teased out of that one statement – mostly about not eating diary and meat products at the same time. I guess because it’s such an enigmatic statement people have spent more time trying to figure out what it means, making its importance explode over time.

Toward the end, the Hebrew are promised the land of Canaan again.  Oh, and the Lord promises them “I will remove sickness from your midst; no woman in your land will be barren or miscarry; and I will give you a full span of life.”  Lord – don’t make promises that you won’t keep.

Click here for the next part of Exodus.

Exodus: Chapters 14 to 18

Now that we've finished the plagues, time to get out of Egypt entirely. 

CHAPTER 14

Time for one of the most famous Biblical passages of all – the parting of the Red Sea.  One part caught my attention in the build up.  The Lord tells Moses he’ll harden the pharaoh’s heart (again!) so that he’ll pursue Moses and friends.  “Thus I will receive glory through Pharaoh and all his army and the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD.”  OK, first off – shouldn’t the Egyptians already have figured that out?  (And if they hadn’t how would this help? Kill every firstborn – not impressed!  Take out 600 chariots – time to quake with fear!  Nah, that don’t make sense).  Also, who cares if you receive glory from the pharaoh? 

So the Pharaoh is just about to get them, and the Israelis, in what’ll become quite the pattern, bemoan their fate to Moses: “Were there no burial places in Egypt that you brought us to die in the wilderness?” Ouch – and that’s a very well phrased grievance.  That’s poetry.  They also claim that they told Moses to leave them alone and that they’d rather serve the Egyptians.  When did this happen?  The Israelis were largely passive observers, but when Moses and Aaron showed, they won the support of the masses.  This could be post-facto change of position by the people themselves, not by the Bible writers.  The worst kind of problem is always the one you’re facing right now – whether it is Egyptian slavery or the possibility of losing a battle.

One last note before getting to the main event – it’s 600,000 Israeli men versus 600 chariots.  Really, plenty should be able to survive.

Now comes the big moment.  Moses raises his staff and the waters part.  Then something confusing happens and God’s cloud gets in the way of the Egyptians (who are in sight) so they can’t follow the Israelis.  Question: how long would it 600,000 men – maybe 1.5 to 2.0 million in all – to cross through a corridor in the Red Sea?  The logistics here are stunning, but these are the sorts of details not best overthought; much like why did all the kings have the hots for the geriatric Sara in Genesis. 

The Israelis make it through!  Now the Egyptians follow – but the Lord puts them in a panic, and clogs their chariot wheels.  I wonder how he did that? Mud, I guess.  Then the seas go back and “Of all Pharaoh’s army which had followed the Israelites into the sea, not even one escaped.” 

CHAPTER 15

Same as before, but this time as a verse poem.  Actually, two verse poems.  The first one is the lengthier one – 18 Bible verses and discusses all the main points.  Keynote: a footnote for “Red Sea” says in ancient Hebrew this is really “Sea of Reeds.”  The traditional translation is actually a mistranslation.  Interesting. 

The second poem is much shorter.  Attributed to Moses’ sister Miriam (who is called a prophet), it’s just, “Sing to the LORD, for he is gloriously triumphant; / horse and chariot he has cast into the sea.”  Well, going by Biblical scholarship, this is considered to be one of the oldest lines in the Bible, maybe the oldest.  Poetic verse is easier to pass down from one generation to the next and shorter verse is easier to pass down than longer verse.  So this may very well be the oldest lines in the Bible.  The intro to my Bible says the earliest Old Testament writings came around 950 BC, or so.  That’s early divided kingdom, about 500 years after this supposedly happened.

What’s interesting about Miriam’s verse isn’t just what she describes happens but what she does not describe happening.  Parting of the seas, anyone?  Not there.  Just the water claiming the men.  Since this is a Sea of Reeds, not the Red Sea, it might just be a freak wave of a bunch of guys falling into the swampy reeds and drowning.  The story could’ve begun like that, then built up over the years. 

There was a group called the Hebrew living in Canaan and they traced themselves back to some Near East patriarchs and a group who escaped from Egypt.  Both might be true – but they could be two different groups, with the Joseph story done to connect them while giving the 12 tribes a common family.  The Egypt group could’ve left on the run – with unleavened bread, escaped the pharaoh in the Sea of Reeds when the sea claimed the pharaoh’s men.  Then stories develop based on that and expanded over time. 

Some parts of this are just, well – the logistics of getting 2,000,000 people through the water – yeah, some parts are just difficult to envision.

CHAPTER 16

Well, the children of Israel survived!  They’re ecstatic just last chapter! Now they can live life on their own!  So immediately they start complaining. 

Well, it’s easy to mock them for being feckless and having little faith, especially after all they’ve been through.  But if you think about it from their perspective, they have a reason to be concerned.  They’ve escaped Egypt and now they get to march around for stretch through a desert without any food. “If only we had died at the LORD’s hand in the land of Egypt, as we sat by our kettles of meat and ate our fill of bread!  But you have led us into this wilderness to make this whole assembly die of famine!”  You got to admit, Moses and Aaron don’t really have an obvious plan for this stage of the game.  They had a goal – get out of Egypt, and they knew how to do it – Lord power – but now what?  Food – it comes in handy.

But the problem is solved.  He’ll rain own bread from heaven.  Manna will be there every morning – except the seventh day of the week. Still the Lord’s Day people. Don’t worry – you can get a double share on the sixth day, but don’t eat too much that day.  Oh, and quail will appear that you can just snatch up. (I’ve read in some book that this quail thing is really legitimate – it still happens sometimes even now that you can just grab them in the morning; though not necessarily to the extent that you can feed 600,000 men plus women and children). 

Of course there is grumbling.  People are supposed to eat all the food each day, and they try saving some and it immediately gets wormy.  (Exception: the seventh day, of course).  Some go looking for food on the Sabbath, and that’s a no-no – but they don’t die for it.  They just return empty handed. So they learn and they stop.  The chapter ends that this goes on for 40 years.  Yikes. 

And there’s one moment I found funny.  16:9-10: “Then Moses said to Aaron, `Tell the whole Israelite community: Approach the LORD, for he has heard your grumbling.’  But while Aaron was speaking to the whole Israelite community, they turned in the direction of the wilderness, and there was the glory of the LORD appeared in the cloud!”  I just get a kick – Aaron’s talking to the whole community and they turnaround – “Oh, hey – look over there!”  Man, Aaron ain’t getting much respect there.  (Also: powerful lungs!  He’s able to speak with 1,000,000+ people at once.  Yeah, that 600,000 adult males number can’t possibly be right).

CHAPTER 17

Time for another round of complaints from the Israelites – lack of water.   While I’m aware that these guys come off as a bunch of complainers in the back half of Exodus, who got to admit – lack of water is a serious issues.  Moses complains about how they put LORD to the test again, but if it’s a lack of water issue, that’s a good time to put him to the test.  Moses complains who these people are on the verge of stoning him.  OK, that I’m not going to defend.

There is a solution – they get water from a rock.  Moses hits it with his stick and water comes out. Now why couldn’t God think to do that before thirst became a problem here? 

The second half of the chapter is less well known but much stranger – and funnier.  A group called the Amalekites makes war on the Israelites.  They fight back under Joshua – Hi, Joshua!  I do believe this is his first mention.  At any rate, Moses goes on a hill with Aaron and some guy named Hur (I’m not surprised that Biblical name never caught on) as long as Moses keeps his hands up, Joshua and the Israelites have the advantage.  If he lowers them, they falter.

I can envision this power in the hands of some reckless young punk.  I can see the video game version where you just raise and lower your hands as a goof.  But here, Moses has a problem – that damn thing gravity.  He keeps getting tired. SO Aaron and Hur get a rock for him to sit on.  They hold his hands up for him.  This is almost comic.  Sure a screwy and inefficient way for the Lord to have Moses help the army out.  Eventually, the Israelites win.

In the aftermath, God tells Moses to write this down in a book to remember and then he wants the memory of the Amalek completely blotted out.  Wait a second – remember this, but blot out the memory?  Lord, you’re defeating your own purpose here.  Also, literacy won’t hit the Israelites for a few more centuries and people stopped living that long fairly early in Genesis. 

CHAPTER 18

Jethro returns!  He’s Moses’ father in law, and we last so him when Moses lied to him about why he was going back to Egypt.  I must say, Jethro sure takes it well – doesn’t mention the lie either.  Then again, he sees Moses is an important man now.  Jethro praises God and even gives a burnt offering to him, rather odd for a priest of Midian.  Also, Jethro says “Now I know the LORD is greater than all other Gods.’  OK, the way that’s phrased indicates a belief in polytheism.  Well, he’s not a Hebrew, so it’s allowable, but you get some occasional hints throughout that in these early days the Hebrew thought of Yahweh as the most powerful God and their God, but not necessarily the only one.

Mostly, Jethro shows up to give Moses some really good advice.  He sees that Moses spends far too much time deciding over every little matter there in between the Israelis.  He’s the prophet, so he’s the judge.  Jethro has some nice advice: delegate.  Moses, you’re wearing yourself out with too much responsibility.  Make yourself the people’s representative before God and handle their issues with him, and let other, God-fearing men handle disputes between the Israelites.  Lighten your burden by letting them handle routine cases. Folks, we’ve just got to the beginning of a judicial system, which necessitates some codified laws – and whadaya know, the 10 Commandments are coming up soon.  

I got to say - Jethro is one of my favorite Bible characters so far.  He might be my favorite minor character.  He's sensible, pragmatic.  He's religious, but not overzealous (even though he's a Midian priest, he's giving offering to the Israeli God).  He's willing to overlook Moses' white lie earlier.  He's just a really good guy. 

Quick thing – Moses has already been described as 80 years old when the bush burnt.  So Jethro is what – 100?  Well, Moses could’ve robbed the cradle when he married.  Speaking of which, there’s an awkward bit early on when we’re told Jethro brings Moses’ wife and sons – but they went with him to Egypt, so the Bible backtracks a second and says Moses sent them back.  Odd time to throw that in there.

Click here for the next part of Exodus.

Psalms 17 and 18

Picking up where I left off - more psalms: 

PSALM 17

I dunno, maybe I’m focusing too much on the words and not enough on the emotions in the psalms.  From an emotional point of view I can find this relatable.  It’s the psalm by someone who feels alone, cast aside by the world – and he’s crying out to the Lord for help.  After all, it’s call “Prayer for Rescue from Persecutors.” 

Yeah, but the first part of it leaves me flat.  It shouldn’t, I suppose, but it does.  The psalmist (supposedly David, again) makes his case in it, saying his lips move without guile, that the Lord knows his heart is right and that there is no malice in him, that he’s not transgressed, that his feet haven’t faltered, etc.  – The guy just sounds a little too sure of himself.  This guy is really, really sure that what he’s done is enough.  He’s just a little too full of himself and his piety.

It would be one thing if he’d just say he’s tried his best and strived to be good.  But here, he’s not just saying he’s strived, but that he’s succeeded.  How can you tell?  How can you ever know?  The lack of self-doubt leaves me a little cold, and that’s the first impression the psalm gives me. 

PSALM 18

This is the longest psalm so far, by far.  It’s also the most action packed, full of vigorous language.  This isn’t a psalm pleading for help – it’s a psalm celebrating success.  The intro is unusually detailed, saying its David’s prayer for victory over his opponents after surviving his enemies and Saul.  This time, I have no problem believing it’s actually written by David – it reads just like it.

The opening section praises God, and then next you here about all the problems that he had to overcome.  There’s a sense of energy and danger here.  If Michael Bay was to ever do a movie based on a psalm, it would be this one. 

There’s still that sense of cocksuredness that bugs me throughout the psalms.  (Maybe David really did write them all).  He’s been good before the Lord, and the Lord has repaid him.  This is made directly clear when he states, “So the LORD rewarded my righteousness, the cleanness of my hands in his sight.  Toward the faithful you are faithful; to the honest man you are honest; Toward the pure, you are pure; but to the perverse you are devious.  For humble people you save; haughty eyes you bring low.” 

That’s very well written, but it’s hard to believe.  Just ask Job how well that always works out.  Life isn’t a morality play.  (Also, David – you’re not so humble yourself from what I’m reading here).  Christianity at least says everyone will get what they deserve in the next life, not this one.  David is really sure of the righteousness of himself, and personally I relate better to people who feel that we’re all naturally sinners, but try to overcome.

And boy, is David ever sure of himself.  Later on in the poem, he – fully and surely certain that the Lord has always been on his side – lets off these memorable lines: “I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till I destroyed them.  I decimated them; they could not rise; they fell at my feet.  You girded me with valor for war, subjugated my opponents beneath me.  You made my foes expose their necks to me; those who hated me I silenced.  They cried for help, but no one saved them; cried to the LORD but received no answer.” 

Wow! It’s the exposed neck line that really sticks with me – that’s detail!   And of course, they’re crying to help to be saved from David – but didn’t happen.

Maybe you need to be this certain in yourself to act like this without trouble.  

EDITED to add: click here for the next batch of psalms

Pslams 15 to 16

Picking up from where I left off in psalms ....

PSALM 15

This is a very short psalm – just five versus long.  It’s a call for righteousness, saying that the only one able to dwell with the Lord walks without blame, does what is right, speaks from the heart, doesn’t slander anyone, doesn’t harm a friend, doesn’t defame a neighbor, honors the Lord and the like.

Few thoughts.  First, does anyone really fit this?  If nothing else, the “Walks without blame” line will be a tough barrier.  No one is perfect, and those closest to it are often most aware of their shortcomings.  This psalm is attributed to David, and he really doesn’t fit the “doesn’t harm a friend” line – just ask Bethesda’s original husband, who David had whacked.

Second, among the bad behavior listed is lending money at interest.  Well now, that’s an entire industry.  The footnotes say that there are several laws in the Torah against this, and I know it was against Christian churches practices for century.  It’s seen as leeching behavior, especially bad because those who get loans are those in need – and you’re taking advantage of their need. 

PSALM 16

OK, this is what I’d expect to see from a psalm.  None of this talk of destroying foes or denouncing those opposed to the Lord.  No violent imagery at all.  (Well, there is a line about “blood libations” but it’s not the revenge imagery that keeps cropping up in the early psalms. 

It’s a psalm about taking refuge in God and finding solace in him because he’ll lead the path to life.  A nice pleasant psalm, but not much for me personally to latch onto.

EDITED to add: click here for the next batch of psalms