Genesis: Chapter 31 to 36

More Jacob stories, just up to the eve of the Joseph cycle.

CHAPTER 31

Time for Jacob to flee.  Too many wrong colored sheep and goats.  He and his family flee without giving word.  Laban takes after and catches up saying “Why did you dupe me by stealing away secretly?  You did not tell me!  I would have sent you off with joyful singing to the sound of tambourines and harps!”  Yeah, sure.  Because that’s so incredibly the Laban we’ve seen so far.  C’mon, Laban – save it for the tourists!  Jacob knows you, man.  And Jacob notes how he worked for 20 years, and had his wages change 10 times and all that.

Laban is also upset that his household gods have been taken.  Rachel took them, but Jacob doesn’t know this, and not only tells Laban that he’s barking up the wrong tree, but says if he finds them here, the person who has them will be put to death.  Rachel hides them in a camel saddlebag and sits on it.  She then tells her dad she can’t get up because she’s having her period.  So she gets away with it.  Man, everyone in this family is a con artist!  (But it’s another sign of early pre-Hebrew polytheism.  God is the God of the family, not the only supernatural force out there.  Clearly Rachel likes the old household gods she grew up with). 

Eventually, Laban and Jacob come to an agreement.  They set up some stones and say they’ll stay on their own side of the stones and not cross them. 

CHAPTER 32

One family crisis over, another to begin.  If Jacob is going to stay on the non-Laban side of the stones, that means he’s on the Esau-side of the stones.  And we remember how well those two got along.  We get the news that Esau is coming and he’s bringing 400 men.  Oh, shit.  Jacob is scared and prays to God to be saved “I am unworthy of all the acts of kindness and faithfulness that you have performed for your servant” he says to God.  I like this. I like the really human moments here.  Jacob is a sharpster and an angle-playing con man and he knows it, but damn man he’s in a fix and who else can you turn to for help by God?  This goes a long way to explaining the appeal of religion.

He sends out a series of peace offerings  -- herds of animals, kept separate and given as separate gifts. 

Then comes one of the stranger moments of the Bible.  Jacob is by himself, away from his family, by the river (River Jordan?)  when a stranger comes to him.  They wrestle all night long and apparently Jacob wins, but not before having his hip socket wrestle. In the morning, Jacob asks the stranger to bless him.  The stranger does bless him and says that for now on his name will be Israel “because you have contended with divine and human beings and prevailed.”  Jacob asks for the stranger’s name and the stranger replies, “Why do you ask for my name?” and blesses him. Jacob believes he’s seen God faced to face and been spared.  I don’t have any idea what to make of that story, but it sure is memorable. 

CHAPTER 33

Well, after fleeing from his in-law and wrestling with God, it’s time for Jacob to meet his brother.  He has his wives and kids all out, and Jacob goes out before him to meet his brother.  Will he be slain?  Will he escape?  What’ll happened.  Awwwww – Esau is thrilled to see his brother!  Absolutely tickled pink!  Frankly, based on what we’ve seen on how Jacob has treated his brother, there’s no reason for Esau to feel this way, but hey, they are brothers.  It has been over 20 years since Jacob left.  He did give Esau a bunch of gifts. And Esau can see the wives and 12 kids of Jacob.  “Esau ran to meet him, embraced him, and flinging himself on his neck, kissed him as he wept.”  Awwww!  The big dumb lug! 

Then Jacob immediately goes back to being Jacob.  Sure they’ve had this touching scene, but when Esau says they should go somewhere together, Jacob starts giving a series of excuses and gets out of it.  They go separate directions.  So Jacob keeps his prerogatives from the stew-for-birthright deal.

CHAPTER 34

Now for a ghastly story.  It’s actually the chapter that inspired David Plotz to write “The GoodBook.”  He was a never religious Jew who happened to stumble on this once and was so stunned by it, it inspired him to read the entire Bible (Old Testament to Christians) and record his thoughts. 

Jacob’s daughter Dinah is raped. And that’s just the beginning of the ugliness.  The rapist is a guy named Shechem and his dad is named Hamor, and they have an offer to Jacob.  (Side note: given that his 11^th oldest child is old enough to have been raped.  Jacob must be in his 70s, at the least by now).  Shechem and Hamor know Jacob’s family is really teed off about the rape (gee, ya think?) and Hamor has a proposal to solve the problem: let Shechem marry Dinah.

Wait –what?  How could he possibly think that’s a good solution?  You’re handing the rape victim over to the rapist for life.  I guess it’s some sort of Near East ancient civilization over defiled women or something, but that really strikes me as an ugly solution.  Shechem says let me do this, and I’ll grant whatever favor you ask – no bridal price is too much.

Boy, is he ever talking to the wrong family.  If there is one thing that Genesis has shown us so far, it’s that Clan Jacob is a punch of sharpsters.  Jacob is.  His mom is.  His uncle is.  His favored wife is.  These guys know how to play the angles. 

And here’s where we learn that the sons are good at it, too.  Any bridal price?  Fan – get circumcised.  We’ll only let our sister marry a circumcised men.  You and every male in your dwelling must do it – and apparently Shechem and dad have their own town or something. Shechem is game and gets the town to go along with it – that way Jacob and his rich family will settle, and their livestock will be part of the town’s property. So they all get snipped.  And that was their fatal mistake – literally, fatal.

You see, Simeon and Levi, sons No. 2 and 3, know that it takes a few days to recover.  Apparently, circumcision is painful.  So three days after the mass snipping, Simeon and Levi go to town with their swords … and kill every adult male they can find.  It’s a massacre.  Everyone is too laid down to resist.  They find Dinah in Scechem’s pad and take her back.  Then the rest of the sons sack the town. 

Jacob finds out only after the fact and is horrified – you brought shame against me and now I won’t be able to live here.  The sons say, “Should our sister be treated like a prostitute?” Yeah, they got a point there.

Wow – several things.  First, you can see why this inspired Plotz to look at the rest.  This isn’t what you’d expect from the Bible necessarily.  Second, this is a minor issue, but based on how it ended I have to wonder – what was Jacob’s plan?  Was he just going to accept his daughter getting married off to the guy that raped her?  Hell, maybe – he’s now afraid that everyone in the area will come and slaughter his family.  Maybe he thinks this is the best-case scenario he can get.  (But if so, why did he press for some actual tangible wealth as part of he bridal price?  Con man that he is, Jacob is typically good at that.  Is he really going to drop the ball – he, the man that turned a stew into the birthright on an elder?  That’s not Jacob at all).

The main issue here is the morality of the story.  This is massacring an entire town.  OK, there was a rape, but ….ya killed every single adult male in town!  That’s at best questionable morality.  What is this doing in the Bible?  Actually it’s in the Bible because it’s so questionable.  Jacob is upset with his second and third oldest sons, and he’ll bring this up again when he gives out inheritances.  When the Bible is written, the tribe of Judah, associated with the fourth oldest son of Jacob, is the main one, with about half of the Hebrew population.  When it comes time for Jacob to dole out final statements to his children, Judah will get the key position, unusual for the fourth child – but sons 1, 2, and 3 have all angered him in various ways.  Here’s where Simeon and Levi lose out.

The Torah is supposed to be made of four different sources put together, two of them – the oldest two – come from the divided kingdom days.  I don’t know for sure, but I’m assuming that this came from the Judah kingdom source (called the E author).

CHAPTER 35

Jacob returns to Bethel, where he had his ladder/stairway vision once before.  When he sets out, he tells his household to get rid of all foreign gods among you.  I point this out because apparently his household had foreign gods amongst them.  Oops.  (Hey – no first commandment yet telling them not to do that!)

Not a hell of a lot happens.  Mostly just some restating of things like Jacob’s name is now Israel (though the people will still call him Jacob most of the time.  Oh well).

There is some general family news.  Randomly, we’re told that Rebekah’s nurse Deborah has died.  Wait – did we ever hear of Rebekah’s death?  I don’t think so, and she’s the mother of Jacob and Esau and a dynamic character in her own right.  I don’t remember Deborah, but there we find out she died. 

Speaking of death, in depressing news Rachel dies giving birth to the 12^th son of Jacob: Benjamin.  So that’s six for Leah, and two for the other three women (Rachel, Rachel’s servant Bilhah, and Leah’s servant Zilpah).  The 12 sons: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, Joseph, and Benjamin. 

One last bit of death news – the chapter ends with Isaac dying.  He lived to age 180, so we’ve now outlived all the pre-Abraham guys.  Eber (Generation 14) would’ve died in 2187, and Isaac around 2228).  As always, I'm just doing the math on my own, not checking anything out authoritatively, so I might be off some - but Eber should be dead by now.  

He didn’t do all that much, that Isaac, but he made a nice placeholder between the key patriarchs, and ended up living longer than any of the others.

Oh, and there’s a key bit of non-death news to add in as well: Reuben, eldest son of Jacob, takes it upon himself to sleep with Blhah, his father’s concubine.  Yeah, that ain’t good.  A few things, first – it’s a direct shot at his dad over who is the real man of the house.  Second, like the massacre initiated by Levi and Simeon in Chapter 34, this paves the way for fourth son Judah to be the preferred heir.  The three eldest have all discredited themselves in various ways.  This story must’ve come from the kingdom of Judah in the divided kingdom days. 

Lastly – hey, Jacob has a concubine!  No, it’s not that surprising given that he has two wives (though Rachel dies just before this) and slept with both of their servants, but I love how the Bible just casually mentions it like this is some throwaway bit of info. (NOTE: No, I got this wrong – it’s one of the servants and the mother of two of Jacob’s kids.  Yup, Reuben just slept with the mother of two of his brothers.  Um, eww).

CHAPTER 36

Had to happen eventually – a boring chapter.  This is all about the descendents of Esau.  It’s pretty much a list of names, but without the fun of reading about people having kids at age 187 and then living another several centuries.  Plus, a list of kings of Edom. 

This is just bookkeeping.  

Click here to get into the Joseph cycle of stories.

Genesis: Chapters 25 to 30

Exit Abraham. Enter Jacob - in all his wily glory.

CHAPTER 25

This one gets off to a stunning start: “Abraham took another wife” – Dude!  Abraham was 137 when Sarah died.  Though we read here that this new one bore him six kids.  Well, apparently she was more a concubine and the footnotes say this could’ve happened before Sarah died.  I’d say it would have to, but then again Genesis plays all sorts of weird timeline games.  Abraham would hardly be the first centurion to have kids.  He gives those extra sons some bling and sends them away.  No one is to interfere with Isaac’s inheritance.

Then Abraham dies at the ripe old age of 175.  So I guess he could’ve had all those kids later and still had time to send them away. 

What do we make of Abraham?  Overall, I found him a likable and compelling character.  There were some questionable moments, as when he essentially pimped out his wife in Egypt.  But the moments that I found most striking were his haggling with God over the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah, as well as the time he burst out laughing when God said he’d have a son.  Even with his flaw, there’s something remarkably human about him.

Even the near-sacrifice of Isaac, I can understand.  It’s based on when it happens in his story.  If it happens early, Abraham would have to be something of a monster to go along with it.  But by this time he’s already seen miracles happen, most notably a far too old couple conceiving their first child.  That gave him faith – more faith that he had when he fell down laughing, obviously.  And I can appreciate the way he doesn’t displace himself in that story, still calling Isaac “my son.”  And it did work out – otherwise there would be nothing redeeming in Abraham – or God for that matter).   Then again, Abraham was the first person to flip around the question of morality on God.  By this time, Abraham had come to trust God’s morality, and in fact God did live up to his end of the bargain here, not having Abraham kill his son. 

At any rate, back to Chapter 25.  When Abraham dies, by my math he’s still outlived by the guys from Generations 13 and 14, though Gen 13 will be dead soon. 

Ishmael has kids and dies at age 137, which I put at Year 2171.  By now, Eber – Generation 14, has just 16 years left.  So the weird overlap between pure myth guys and the rest is still going on. 

But the main event is the birth of Jacob and Esau.  Isaac was 40 when married and 60 when they are born.  So they’re actually born 15 years before Abraham dies.  Esau is red and hairy, apparently a reference to the fact that the kingdom of Edom had red dirt, and his hairiness is wordplay, as another word for Edom was Seir, and the Hebrew word for hair was se’ar.  Jacob comes out gripping Esau’s heel. 

Esau is the first dumb jock and Jacob the first conniving con man.  Esau can hunt, but he sure doesn’t think things through much, and Jacob takes advantage.  Esau sells his birthright to Jacob for some stew.  Really, Esau?  He says he’s starving, but it’s hard to take that too seriously.  If he’s that hungry, he should’ve come in from the hunt much earlier than he did.  If not, he’s just getting rid of his birthright out of impatience.

Jacob doesn’t come off too well here – he’s playing angles here.  But writing the paragraph above I felt for him a bit.  He and his brother are born at damn near the same time, but because Hairy Red came out a few minutes first, he gets advantages.  How is that fair?  How is that just?  He can hunt, sure, but he’s as dumb as a post.  Maybe I can use that to write the wrong of random birth order.  So he does.  And Esau walks right into it. 

Note – you can see the influence of pre-literate culture here.  Nowadays, you say something and it doesn’t mean anything unless it’s written down.  In this story and Isaac’s blessing later on, the spoken word is all-important.  That’s all they had.

Oh, and before the stew-for-birthright swap, Rebekah gets a message from the Lord that Jacob will be superior to Esau.  Is this just some post-facto justification to get us to side w/ Jacob and help us understand what Rebekah will soon do?  Seems like it.

There’s also a note that Isaac prefers Esau because Esau is a hunter and Isaac likes beef.  That’s a little reminiscent of how the Lord preferred Abel’s meet offerings to Cain’s veggies. 

CHAPTER 26

This story again?  Isaac and Rebekah move due to famine and Isaac hides that their husband-wife because she’s so beautiful and …. Again?  We had it twice with Abraham and once more here?  Jeez, this family was paranoid.  And it always plays out the same way.  It’s mentioned after they have kids, but there is no indication of kids here, so apparently it’s out of order in the book. Or something. 

Aside from that, there’s some haggling over well water rights. 

Oh, and Esau angers his parents by marrying a local girl.  Never thinking things through, that Esau.

CHAPTER 27

Now for the other famous story involving Isaac – getting deceived by Jacob and Rebekah.  Blind and unsure how much time he has left, he tells Esau to hunt, make a good meal for Isaac and he’ll give his favorite son a blessing. 

Rebekah springs into action.  She tells Jacob that they’ll serve a meal to Isaac before Esau gets back to claim the blessing for Rebekah’s favorite.  Jacob’s only qualm is a pragmatic one, not a moral one.  My brother is hairy so dad will notice the difference.  Rebekah tells him to do as he’s told.  I must say, Rebekah is a real spitfire one.  She was a nice, modest, polite woman by the well, but she’s really damn determined to take charge here.  She has something to fight for, and she’ll go all the way for it.

She has Jacob put on goatskins so he’ll feel hairy like Esau.  Wait – Esau is as hairy as a goat?  Holy crud!  And best of all, Rebekah has Jacob put on Esau’s clothing. Isaac can sense something is off – why are you back so soon?  And why do you sound like Jacob?  But he feels like (thanks to the fur) and smells like (due to the clothing) Esau so he gets the blessing. 

Really, I can see why Isaac and Esau get along.  Both just kind of float through these Bible passages.  Esau likes to hunt and doesn’t think things through.  Isaac is passive and just glides through.  OK, so he checks the smell and feel of the kid, but he notices the voice is off.  Why not use a servant to double check?  He really puts himself into a position where he can lose badly.

In none of Isaac’s stories does he do much.  He gets bound by his dad at the near sacrifice.  His dad’s servant arranges his marriage.  Now he gets conned here.  He’s the Zeppo of the patriarchs.

Why is he in the Bible?  I figure they need a placeholder between Abraham and Jacob.  If Jacob were to con Abraham, we’d probably be much more upset with him, as we’ve come to care about Abraham.  We’ve never been given too much reason to care too deeply about Isaac.  Alternately, the story of the near-sacrifice of Abraham’s son doesn’t work well if there are twins. There has to be only one son there, so you need someone between Abraham and Jacob.  Isaac is there as filler to make the others’ stories work better.  In and of himself, he ain’t much.

At any rate, Esau wants to kill Jacob, and it’s hard to blame him.  Jacob has the smarts and has used it, but Esau has the brawn and can use it.  But he must wait until after his dad dies.  Otherwise, that would be too hurtful to the one who means the most to Esau.

Rebekah finds out and has a plan – send Jacob to her old hometown to marry a relative.  Smart plan.  She has a reason to give to Isaac why Jacob should leave that doesn’t open up wounds over the blessing.  And since Esau already is married, he can’t leave under a similar reason.

CHAPTER 28

Weird chapter break.  The bit at the end of 27 keeps going in early 28.  Rebekah’s plan works.  She’s a nice little strategist that one.  It’s like she was docile when young, but then again as an unmarried woman, she had limited options.  She got out as soon as she could and now that she has some power as mother, she’s using it to her full advantage.  Man, everyone in this household if far more compelling than Isaac.  Rebekah is easily the most compelling female so far.  She might be devious, but she fights for what she wants to happen and succeeds.  She’s rather admirable in her own right.

Esau decides to marry a woman from the family, but goes to Ishmael’s rejected line.  Oh that Esau.  He means well, but he’s outsmarted every time. 

At any rate, Jacob travels to his uncle’s place and has his famous dream of the ladder.  Except “ladder” is apparently a mistranslation.  It should be stairway, maybe a ziggurat.  He’s told the land he’s on is a sacred spot – Bethel.  And he puts a sacred pillar up to mark the spot.  (The footnotes say that Judaism later ended the practice of erected pillars because it was done by too many polytheistic tribes). 

I personally never quite got why this image has had such a hold on the consciousness of western civ, but regardless, here it is.

CHAPTER 29

Ah, the meeting of the con men.  Jacob sees Uncle Laban, who has two daughters.  Jacob loves the younger and prettier one, Rachel.  Laban cuts a deal – work for me for seven years and I’ll give you my daughter to wed.  So Jacob does and that night gets elder and plainer Leah.  How does Jacob not notice this until morning?  Well, maybe he was drunk and it was dark.  I dunno.  I just know that he doesn’t notice the switcheroo until morning.  (It’s the birth of the bed trick!  Shakespeare uses this twice, in All’s Well That Ends Well, and Measure for Measure).

Jacob protests – how can you do this to me?  Man, if this were any other character in the Bible I might feel for him, but as much as I like Jacob – c’mon, you’re a con man who got one-upped.  Man up, nancy boy!   Its’ a great character moment for Laban, too.  He’s still the same guy who got all happy when he saw the wealth Abraham’s servant had.  This is a family of sharpsters – Laban, Rebekah, Jacob all.

So he works seven more years and gets the daughter he wants.  The Lord takes pity on plain jane Leah, and gives her four kids while leaving Rachel barren: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah.

By the way, Jacob has now married two cousins.  His parents are cousins once removed.  His paternal grandparents are half-siblings.  This is keeping it a little too close in the family.

CHAPTER 30

Last chapter ended with Leah bearing Rueben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah.  Then she went from bearing to barren.  Now Rachel, who apparently can’t have any kids, offers her servant Bilhah to Jacob for sex, and she’ll adopt them as hers.  (OK, it’s the custom of the region – but has Bilhah been consulted?)  Bilhan gives him Dan and Naphtali.  Well, one of those names has a future.  Now it’s Leah’s turn to pimp out her servant, Ziplah in this case.  She also cranks out a pair of boys – Gad and Asher.  Gad?  There’s a name without much of a future. 

I should note it’s not really clear when the child bearing begins.   I’d assume Leah was giving birth in those years before Jacob married Rachel, but it’s in the Bible after the marriage to Rachel.  A matter of interpretation, I suppose.  (But it does play into how old Jacob is in all this.  Esau married at age 40, and Jacob left after that, and their twins.  So he had to work for seven years for Leah then another seven for Rachel  -- and later we learn that he works six more years for the flock.  So he’ll leave here in his 60s.  He always comes off about 20 years younger than that, but that’s how Genesis goes I guess.

Anyhow, after eight kids have been born, there comes a weird little segue.  Leah and Rachel make a weird deal.  Rachel will get the mandrake Leah’s kid gathered (mandrake being associated with fertility) and Rachel will let Leah sleep with Jacob.  So … what’s the point of getting the mandrake, Rachel?   Anyhow, it’s great because Leah goes to Jacob and says, “You must have intercourse with me, because I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.”  Heh.  “Hired you”?  “Must have intercourse with me”?  I just imagine Jacob coming home from a long hard day working for his father-in-law and hearing this. 

Of course he sleeps with her – and she somehow undoes menopause.  Nine months later out comes Issachan.  She keeps the juices flowing, and later comes her sixth kids, Zebulun.  Oh, and while we’re at it, she has a daughter, the first one for Jacob apparently, Dinah.  Then Rachel finally gets lucky and gives birth to a son, Joseph.  Amazing techno-colored dreamcoat to come later.

Next comes a story pitting con man against con man: the master Laban versus young (well, 50-something technically) Jacob.  Jacob has two wives and wants some of the flock and makes an agreement.  Jacob will get the dark and streaked sheep, and Laban can keep the white ones that come from the flock.  OK, Laban agrees – and then has his dark and streaked ones given away to his sons elsewhere.  Now, not only are all remaining sheep white, but it doesn’t look like any non-whites will be born. But Jacob has this weird plan to use the shoots of poplar to make the sheep give birth to streaked and dark ones.  In reality, what’s apparently going on is that Jacob has asked for sheep with a recessive genetic trait, so sheep that aren’t the right color can still give birth to others.  Or something.  The thing is a bit confusing, but I read about this once on a book about genetics.  At any rate, Jacob gets the better of Laban and the sheep start being born his way.

Oh, and the chapters has Laban learning about the Lord through divination.  Now, divination isn’t allowed in Judaism but then again the religion hasn’t been really established yet and Laban isn’t a Jew.  But it’s an indication of polytheism during the early days of the Bible.  This alternate supernatural approach works some, too.  The fact that God is referred to as the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac is a sign of polytheism as well – he isn’t the God of all, just of this family. 

This chapter also has some prosperity gospel stuff as well, as Laban has prospered with Jacob working for him – and that’s only because God has wanted him to because of Jacob.

Click here for the next half-dozen chapters. 

Genesis: Chapters 18 to 24

More Abraham stuff. This time we get near the end of his time. 

CHAPTER 18

Now for one of the more confusing parts of the Bible, where three angels appear before Abraham and Abraham refers to them as a singular entity, but plural pronouns are used.  According to what I’ve heard, this can be explained with how the ancient Hebrew (and thus the Old Testament) views angels.  They are not beings separate from God.  Instead, they are a form of God.  In his pure form, God is beyond humanity, so when he wants to visit humans, he has to come down in a human-like form – hence angels.  And being God, he doesn’t have to be in just one.  So here he’s in three. 

I’m not sure if Abraham recognizes them right away or not.  He treats them very well, calls himself “your servant,” and kills a nice calf for them, but that could just be proper way for dealing with guests.  Then again, he calls them “Sir” right away. 

Then Sarah gets a laugh.  The angels tell Abraham that she’ll soon give birth to Abraham’s son.  Can’t blame her – she’s 89 years old.  She claims to the Lord that she didn’t laugh, but the Lord corrects her.  By this time, Abraham and Sarah know these three men are the Lord.

The second half of the chapter sets up Sodom and Gomorrah.  This is a really nice section as Abraham tries to argue with God about them.  God says he’ll destroy the city because its wicked, and Abraham doesn’t just accept this.  He asks what if there are 50 righteous people there?  OK, then I’ll spare them?  What if it’s 45?  I’ll spare them?  How about 40?  Or 30?  Or 20?  Or 10?  The Lord remains steadfast – they’ll always be spared. 

There’s a couple interesting things going on here.  First, Abraham isn’t just sitting back and taking it.  He’s got a case to make, and he’s pressing it.  In doing so, he makes the issue not just about the morality of the people of Sodom and Gomorrah, but about the morality of God.  People have to be moral in the Bible, and Abraham is one of the first (the first?) person to make it a two-way street.  People must act morally proper – but so must God. 

Second, while pressing his case, Abraham is always very careful to not step on the Lord’s toes.  He’s respectful and diplomatic to the point of obsequiousness.  “See how I am presuming to speak to my Lord, though I am only dust and ashes!” “Do not let my Lord be angry if I go on.” “Since I have thus presumed to speak to my Lord” “Please, do not let my Lord be angry if I speak up this last time.” 

In “The Good Book” by Daniel Plotz (excellent and highly recommended), he notes that a lot of the best and most memorable characters are the ones who don’t just passively accept the Lord’s instruction but try to haggle or play some angles.  Abraham does it.  Moses does it.  And some others do, too.  (For Plotz, that became the main point of the Bible – wrestle with it, and try to come to terms with it, but it’s not just God’s terms, but yours as well). 

Chapter 18 is one of the highlights of the Bible so far.

CHAPTER 19

Now for the big fireworks show.  The angels come to Lot outside of Sodom and he takes them in.  He acts like Abraham did, and is kind to guests and is hospitable.  The rest of the town is different.  The Bible is very clear – “the townsmen of Sodom, both young and old – all the people to the last man, surrounded [Lot’s] house.”  Every last damn (no pun intended) one.  And they have their demand – give us the men in your house.  We want to anally rape them.  So here’s the first Biblical passage that can be used to condemn homosexuality. (It can also be used to condemn inhospitable treatment of guests, but that’s another matter).

And this leads us to an incredibly ugly moment.  No, not the destruction of the town, that’s still a bit ahead.  I’m talking about Lot’s reaction.  He makes the mob of Sodomites a counter-offer.  Look, please leave alone the two men who have come under shelter of my roof – take my daughters instead!  Yeah, he offers his young daughters to the mob of would-be rapists.  He really tries to play it up, too.  They’re virgins!  “Let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you please.”  HOLY CRAP!  He’s inviting the people of Sodom to gang rape his daughters!  Given the size of the crowd, they might be raped to death.  But they insist – they want the men!

OK, let’s pause here for a second and note a couple things.  First, why didn’t the people of Sodom do this to Lot when he first came to town?  I dunno, maybe he’s an uggo.  Or maybe it’s because he came to the area with wealth whereas these travelers are just travelers. 

Second, please note that this crime the people of Sodom are going to commit – the crime that causes the Bible to justify their destruction – isn’t just sodomy.  This isn’t just raping men.  They hope to rape angels of God.  No one realizes that yet (even Lot) but that’s how it is.  And remember, angels were seen as God himself on earth.  So the crime they’re hoping to commit is gang raping the Lord Almighty.  (By the way, that means Lot was willing to have his daughters raped to death simply and solely to defend two guys he just met.  Incredible).

Oh, one last point here.  Why the hell has Lot lived there for any length of time?  If they really were such bad people, shouldn’t he have noticed this before now?  Instead, he’s lived there for a while – before the birth of Ismael, which would be about 13 years before now.  And Lot has not only stayed there, but contracted his daughters to marry two locals. 

Anyhow, God blinds the mob and tells Lot to get his family and scram.  The sons in law to be thing he’s joking and stay.  Dumb.  Lot, Mrs. Lot, and daughters Lot all leave – but the wife looks back and becomes a pillar of salt.  I think that’s just done to explain the terrain around the Dead Sea. 

Side note: what the hell did Gomorrah ever do to deserve this?  The Bible has all the bad things happen in Sodom and doesn’t really have the people of Gomorrah do anything.  I guess they’re just supposed to be as bad. 

Lot and kids eventually settle down in the hills, where we get a nasty little coda to what’s already a nasty story. The daughters bemoan that they are alone with no men except their dad, so they take turns getting him drunk and sleeping with him.  They both become pregnant and their sons become the ancestor of two peoples: Moab and Ammon. 

Well, lots of ugliness here to contend with.  So how do you make sense of any of it?  The easiest part is the last part.  The Hebrew were related to the Moab and Ammon peoples (like the Scandinavian nations are similar to each other), but they didn’t get along.  So you do you explain similar peoples you don’t like?  Products of incest. 

The rest?  Yowzers.  Well, it shows the strength of the Lord.  Was there perhaps already a story of destroyed cities that the Bible had to contend with?  That would explain the odd along-for-the-ride destruction of Gomorrah.  Apparently, there is an Akkadian poem about cities destroyed by fire, though it doesn’t match up too well with this one.  Clearly, the Bible itself has some moral qualms about what went on, as evidenced by Abraham’s dialogue with God in Chapter 18 and with the insistence that all Sodom was outside Lot’s door.  My hunch is that this was a story, like the Flood, that predated the Hebrew religion that the Bible authors felt the need to contend with.  So there is a clear acknowledgement that only something really, really horrible could justify God’s wrath like this, so here’s the story.

CHAPTER 20

 After two straight blockbuster chapters, we get a low key one.  It’s a duplicate story, actually. It’s Chapter 12 all over again, only instead of going to Egypt, they’re going to Gerar.  Again Abraham is afraid that because Sarah is so pretty that he’ll be killed if he tells everyone he’s the husband, so he says he’s her brother.  Sarah goes to the king’s harem, which I guess Abraham is OK with.  Same result – God tells the King careful, the king apologies.  He actually gives Abraham plenty of wealth.  Oh, and in the process, God calls Abraham his prophet, the only time he actually does that.

There is one new wrinkle this time around.  Now Abraham says, look, I wasn’t actually lying.  She really is my sister – we have the same dad, just different moms.  Wait – what?  When did this happen?  Nearly half of the Bible so far has been on Abraham and this is the first we’ve heard of this.  It didn’t say that back when the characters were introduced.  It didn’t mention that in Egypt.  But it mentions it now.  Well, maybe it was a way for the Bible writer to excuse Abraham of lying.  That’s my hunch.

OK – so how come Abraham didn’t do the same last time.  I know the answer here.  The Torah has four main sources weaved together in one.  The first story came from one group of stories, and this from another – they are called the J and E authors (which refer to the different words the authors use to describe God – one calls him by name, the other just by his job title (the Lord).  J is believed to be the priestly clans of Israel during the divided kingdom days and E the Judah priests during that time.  When the northern kingdom ceased to exist, some priests came south and their stories were added together, causing some repeats, like we see here.

Final note – Sarah is 89 or 90 years old at the time of this story.  Some parts of the Bible just plain don’t make much sense.

CHAPTER 21

It’s a boy!  Isaac is born to 90-year-old Sarah and 100-year-old Abraham.  Congrats all around.

Well, not to you, Tamar.  Sarah is upset that Tamar’s son might take some of the inheritance of her son, so she wants Abraham to drive them out.  God tells Abraham to go along, they’ll be provided for.  So Abraham gives them some bread and water and off they go.  Mind you, they nearly die, but that’s how it goes. He and Lot both have their limitations as leaders of families.  God pledges to make Ishmael a great nation.

Then there’s some stuff about a well Abraham has rights to. 

CHAPTER 22

Time for another blockbuster.  As Bob Dylan says: “God says to Abraham kill me a son / Abraham says man you must be putting me on.”  God tells Abraham “Take your son Isaac, your only one [sorry, Ishmael!], whom you love, and go to the land of the Moriah.  There offer him up as a burnt offering on one of the heights that I will point out to you.”  Man, God just lays it starkly out there.  No pussyfooting – your son, whom you love.  Only son (which isn’t fully true, but no matter – Isaac is the one that’ll inherit). 

Abraham doesn’t try to disassociate himself from it all either.  He calls Isaac “My son” when Isaac asks about the burnt offerings.  Abraham binds him, put his son on the alter, takes out “the knife to slaughter his son.”  Not just use on or something like that – slaughter.  Only then does God cry out Abraham’s name. 

Now the Lord restates the covenant, but this time goes so far as to swear it’ll be the case: that Abraham’s descendents will form a great nation. 

It’s a powerful story, to be sure. I don’t have too much to say about it, other than how does this impact Isaac?  Apparently he takes it in stride.  Maybe he heard the Lord’s voice, too, when the Lord called out to Abraham.  What was he thinking when Abraham bound him?  Did he resist at all?  Make any pleas? 

There is one randomly placed coda where we learn about the nieces and nephews of Abraham.  There is only one item of importance – we first here of Abraham’s grandniece, Rebekah.  That would make her a cousin once removed to Isaac.  So Issac, whose parents are half-siblings, will marry a cousin once removed.  Really, though, marrying cousins wasn’t that big a deal back then.

CHAPTER 23

Sarah dies at age 127.  The rest of the chapter is just negotiations for her burial plot.  This gives Abraham a claim to the land of Canaan, which is sure worth noting given what’ll happen later on.

Side note: we've already established that she's the half-sister of Abraham, and they have the same dad.  Well, by my calculations, Sarah dies in the year 2085, just two years after her father (and Abraham's father), Terah.  He died in 2083.

Still alive, are Shelah and Eber, who are of generations 13 and 14.  Abraham and Sarah are in generation 20.

CHAPTER 24

This is by far the longest chapter so far – 67 verses.  Here Abraham is taking care of some of the final business of his life – looking to get a wife for Isaac.  He is adamant that Isaac not go back to Abraham’s old stomping grounds for a wife, but he still wants a wife from that region.  This is Isaac’s land, so he’s not to leave it, but the people around aren’t their people, so let’s not marry with them.  Abraham is too old to leave and he doesn’t want Isaac to go, so he has a servant go.  Even though the servant is the real star of the chapter, we never learn his name. Bummer.

Oh, and it’s an interesting oath the servant must take – he must put his hand under Abraham’s thigh and vow to try to arrange a marriage with one of Abraham’s relatives. 

The servant comes across Rebekah at the watering hole for livestock and she’s immediately very nice to him.  They go to where she lives and her brother Laban isn’t immediately nice – but once he sees some sign of wealth, he’s all Captain Courteous.  Heh.  That sets the tone for Laban right away.

This is a long chapter because it’s repetitious, apparently a hold over from oral tradition.  Verses 34-49 are a rehash of what happened before.  Rebekah agrees to marry.  Laban wants to hold things up for a bit, but she wants to go right away.  According to the footnotes, by custom a father didn’t need a daughter’s permission to arrange her marriage, but a brother did need that of his sister, and this is brother-sister.  And they are both a cousin once removed from Isaac, though no one minds that. 

It ends by saying that Isaac finds solace in his wife after the death of his mother.  So this must be shortly after Sarah’s death, which happened when Isaac is 37 years old.

Click here as we move from Abraham to Jacob.

Genesis: Chapter 12 to 17

I read this about a week ago.  It's where we meet Abraham (Abram at first and go through his early travails).

CHAPTER 12

So far Genesis has moved at a rapid pace.  In 11 chapters we get the creation, Eden, Adam & Even, Cain and Abel, Noah, Babel, plenty of begottings, and reasons for why there is a rainbow, why farming is tough, why women have to endure childbirth and listen to husbands, why slavery is right – all this in just 11 chapters, plus time for plenty of begotting.  The early and frankly purely mythic stuff happens here.

Now we start spending time with a particular person, Abraham (Abram in the early going).  The first of the patriarchs and possibly the first real historical individual.  One theory is that the Hebrew developed in Canaan as a combination of two groups – one group that had escaped from/left Egypt and another that traced their lineage back to some older patriarchs. 

Anyhow, things get off to a big start.  God tells him: “Go forth from your land, your relatives, and from your father’s house to a land that I will show you.  I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.”  It’s a deal! 

There’s no reason given for why Abram is chosen to be a great nation.  I guess he’s just deserving.  Anyhow he sets off with wife Sarai, and (despite the Lord saying go from your relatives) nephew Lot.  So he goes to Canaan.

And then he goes to Egypt, due to famine.  This is a weird story.  Sarai is so pretty that Abram fears he’ll be killed if they admit she’s his wife, so instead they claim to be siblings, and she’s welcomed into the Pharaoh’s house and Abrahm is set up well himself.  Now, there are a couple questions this brings up.  First, is she being set up as some sort of consort/harem-mate for the Pharaoh?  It sure looks like it.  Otherwise, why let her into his house – and they let her in specifically because she was so pretty.  Second, what’s Abram’s Plan B here?  OK, he wasn’t killed to get to Sarai, but ….how does he handle this?  Third, she’s 65 years old.  The hell?  Really, the ages of Abram and Sarai tend to veer as needed for the plot.  The guy telling the stories of them isn’t the same guy who told us how old they are. 

At any rate, the LORD punishes the Pharaoh, though it doesn’t seem like Pharaoh has really done anything.  So Sarai and Abram are killed out.

CHAPTER 13

Abram and Lot both have so many animals to tend to, that they can’t stay together.  So Abram let’s Lot pick what land he wants, and Abram says he’ll go a different direction.  Then he lets God pick a direction for him.  Lot goes toward Sodom.  This turns out to be a bad move.

God tells Abram that he’ll give the land he’s on for him and his descendents.  13:15: “All the land that you see I will give to you and your descendants forever.”  This is the first Biblical verse that religious nationalists in Israel use in modern day politics.  Negotiate with the Palestinians?  Check the end of Chapter 13 of Genesis!  Abram builds his first altar to the Lord in Hebron.

CHAPTER 14

This is a weird chapter.  It is Abram as warrior.  A war of four kings versus five kings happens, and it’s rather confusing, but Lot gets captured by the winning side.  So Abram gathers his forces and defeats them and frees Lot.  Uh, OK.  I guess we’re supposed to see that Abram is a powerful man.  And apparently a rich and prosperous one, as we’re told he musters 318 retainers. 

Really, this seems like an odd fit in with the rest.  Nowhere else is Abram a warrior.  The Hebrew started out with a sense that they descended from a series of patriarchs, with Abram being the first and most important of them.  They told stories of him, and more than a few generations went by until they were written down.  So you get a bit of a grab bag of stories that become Abram. 

CHAPTER 15

Time for the covenant.  Well, I supposed that happened back in Chapter 12, but I guess that was more an offer, now time for an official covenant.  Abram is concerned that he has no heir, but LORD God says don’t sweat it – you’ll get some and be a great nation.  Abram puts his faith in the LORD. 

Last chapter, Abram had 318 retainers, but this chapters he has “only a servant of my household, Eliezer of Damascus.”  Maybe retainers don’t count or something.

At any rate, much of this chapter is just foreshadowing and linking together Abram to the guys who came out of Egypt.  God tells Abram about what’ll happen –Egypt, slavery – but don’t worry.  It’ll all work out. Here’s the land they’ll be given: “To your descendents I give this land, from the Wadi of Egypt to the Great River, the Euphrates.”  All the way to the Euphrates!  That’s a ton. 

CHAPTER 16

Abram finally has a kid!  But it’s worth his servant.  Sarai offers up her servant, Hagar, because Sarai hasn’t given Abram any kids.  The notes on bottom say this was a common cultural trait in that era. 

Hagar does becomes pregnant, and starts acting high and mighty to Sarai.  Big mistake.  She learns the hard way you really has the power to big time someone.  Hagar might be pregnant, but Sarai is still the wife and she treats Hagar poorly.  So Hagar runs away and an angel comes to her and tells her to return.  Note: I do believe this is our first angel.  Hagar is told that her son Ishmael will 16:12: “be a wild ass of a man, his hand against everyone, and everyone’s hand against him.”  I believe he’s supposed to be the father of Arabs. 

CHAPTER 17

Once again it’s time for a covenant, but this one is more than words.  Abram gets snipped.  At age 99, he experiences circumcision.  And he’ll be Abraham, not just Abram.  The notes say both mean “the father is exalted” but the extra letters help make reference to a phrase for father of many nations. 

Actually, one of my favorite moments in the Bible so far comes right here.  God makes massive promises to Abraham, as he will make him exceedingly fertile.  His descendents will be numerous.  They’ll have all of Canaan.  I will bless you.  I will bless your wife (now Sarah instead of Sarai).  She will give rise to great nations.  This is an extended series of claims – all of which Abraham heard back in his Abram days, but now said once again.

So what does Abraham do?  How does he respond to these grand statements from the lord?  17:17-18 “Abraham fell face down and laughed as he said to himself `Can a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old?  Can Sarah give birth at ninety?’  So Abraham said to God, `If only Ishmael could live in your favor!’”

I love that – Abraham falls down laughing his darn fool head off.  Not many guys get yucks from talking to God, but Abraham sure does. There is something wonderfully human about this scene.  God, to his credit, takes it in stride and tells Abraham, essentially, no really, you’ll get your great nation.  Now go cut off your foreskin.  And Abraham does, because laughter or no laughter, he has faith in God. He gets circumcised, as does Ishmael, and all males in the household, and all slaves as well.  Everyone in the household is covered by the head of the household.

Time framing it (based on me doing math with paper and pen):

1948 Abram born

2006 Noah dies

2023 Abram gets the call

2034 Ishmael is born

2047 Abram gets circumcised 

Click here for the next seven chapters on Abraham.

Genesis: Chapters 6 to 11

This was read a week or so before beginning the blog.

CHAPTER 6

This gets off to a slightly weird start with talk of “Nephilim” who are apparently giants and how these were men of renown the Lord doesn’t seem to think much of them.  My hunch is that the Hebrew evolve out of cultures that had belief of “there were giants in them days” and so put some here, but ultimately the Bible doesn’t have much use for them.

Anyhow, the real story gets going with 6:6-7 “the LORD regretted making human beings on the earth, and his heart grieved.  So the LORD said: I will wipe out from the earth the human beings I have created, and not only the human beings, but also the animals and the crawling things, and the birds of the air, for I regret that I made them.”

YIKES!  We’re never given much info on what problems God has, but hokey smokes is he upset!  Now, I have some idea what’s going on.  The Flood story predates the Bible and is Gilgamesh (and is believed to predate Gilgamesh).  Some scholars even think the Red Sea flooded into what had been the initial southern part of ancient Sumeria, burying it to this day under water.  Still, this isn’t God at his most cuddly.

Noah makes his arc.  Apparently, a cubit is about 18 inches.  It’s 440 feet long and 73 feet wide, and 44 feet tall.  Bigger than a football field, but smaller than a stadium.  Noah is allowed in because he’s a good man, and his sons come with.  Oh, and their wives.  Those girls sure did a good job marrying.  We’re not given any indication of what they are like, they just come along because of who their husbands are. This is a Biblical theme – the head of the household covers the entire household.  Noah is good?  OK, that covers his entire family, his wife, his kids, their wives.  Mind you, his kids are 100 years old, but they’re covered anyway.

Noah is told to bring two of each animal – plus food for all to eat.  Please note, we’ll learn later on that they’ll spend over a year on the arc.  That’s a lot of food!

CHAPTER 7

Now we get one of those Biblical quirks.  Remember how Noah is supposed to bring 2 of each animal.  Now it’s 7 pairs of some animals.  And then immediately after this, we’re told it’s just a pair of all animals again. 

This Bible is nice enough to include some notes up front (very) briefly summarizing biblical scholarship – the Torah has four authors combined together and the story of the Flood actually is two versions smushed together as one: P (priestly) & J (Yahwist).   The book “Who Wrote the Bible” actually presents the story with different fonts for the two sources and the flood story reads a lot cleaner when separated into two stories. 

The Bible is very precise when the Flood began: 17^th day of the 2^nd month of the 600^th year of Noah’s life. OK then.  40 days and the highest mountain is covered.  By my rough math, to cover Everest w/ water, that’s about a foot of rain every two minutes for 40 days.  Even if it’s just the biggest mountain in the region, it’s a foot of rain every 4-5 minutes. 

7:22 “Everything on dry land with the breath of life in its nostrils died.”  Nice imagery.

CHAPTER 8

150 days after the flood, the Arc comes to rest on the mountains of Ararat. A few months later, the tops of the mountains appear. 

Then we get the raven and dove.  The Bible’s notes are nice enough to say that Utnapishtim (Gilgamesh’s Noah) released a dove, swallow, and raven in his story, Similar birds.  Here it’s raven, dove (bringing back olive leaf), and then dove again.  I assume we’re getting the P & J stories causing confusion.  A little bit ago the tops of the mountains were appearing, and now after that Noah wants signs of land.  Like I said, this reads cleaner if you pull the two versions of the story apart. 

In the 14^th month after the flood, the earth is finally dry.  The LORD vows never to do this again.  Noah, immediately after getting off the arc, sacrifices an animal.  This must come from the version where he’s got 7 pairs of some animals.  But that is a funny image – guy has all the world’s living animals on his arc, so the first thing he does after leaving is kill an animal.  Umm…. Really? 

CHAPTER 9

9:1 “Be fertile and multiply and fill the earth.”  Oh, there it is.  Immediately after that we’re told that now animals will fear humans.  Sure – we kill animals immediately after getting off the arc.  But we shouldn’t eat meat that still has blood in it.  Sounds like a good plan. 

God says no more flood, and to prove it, he’ll give us a sign – the rainbow. That’s his pact that he’ll never flood us again.  Basically, this is trying to explain what the rainbow is, and I must admit, while it’s nice to have science explain things like the rainbow, we do lose some magic and wonder from the world.  Imagine how cool and impressive things like the rainbow and the moon were back before you had a nice, proven literal definition of what they were. 

The last part of the chapter is a bit ugly.  Noah gets drunk, passes out naked and his son Ham sees him.  Ham tells the other brothers and they cover up Noah without looking at him.  So Noah curses Ham and says his descendents should be slaves.  Really?  A bit harsh?  Yeah, all that’s going on here is an attempt to justify the enslavement of some people by others.  But Ham’s crime doesn’t seem really all that bad. 

CHAPTER 10

Ham, father of the enslaved, is father of Africans.  So that explains one justification of African slavery.  Plus he also is the ancestor of most people of the Near East.  Japheth is father of the seafaring people. Like Greeks and Medes.  Shem is father of the Hebrew and some other Semitic types. 

CHAPTER 11

The Tower of Babel.  This is another one of those stories that show a Mesopotamian background for the Hebrew.  Babel, the Bible notes tell me, is the Hebrew form of Babylon.  Yeah, that makes sense.  And the word for “to be confused” is “Balal” which is similar, leading to putting the two together.  But people built a ziggurat, the biggest towers ever, and God disperses them. 

Just as we saw in Eden, there is a bit of rivalry between humans and God, and God appears a bit fearful of people’s capabilities. 11:7-8: “the LORD said: If now, while they are one people and all have the same language, they have started to do this, nothing they presume to do will be out of their reach.  Come let us go down and there confuse their language so that no one will understand the speech of another.” 

Historical note: I’m sure there were all sorts of languages spoken in the big cities with ziggurats, and this must have been disorientating to those coming there for the first time.

Time for more begottings!  With year zero being the creation:

1656 Flood

1657 Flood ends

1658 Arapachshad is born to Shem (the Bible says when Shem is 100 years old, and also says 2 years after the Flood – but Shem would be 102 2 years after the Flood. Eh, I’ll assume it’s two years after the flood.  At any rate, Arapachshad is Generation 12)

1693 Shelah born (Generation 13)

1723 Eber born (Generation 14)

1757 Peleg born (Generation 15)

1787 Reu born (Generation 16)

1819 Serug (Generation 17)

1849 Nahor (Generation 18)

1878 Terah born (Generation 19)

1948 Abram, Nahor, and Haran born (Generation 20)

1966 Peleg dies at age 239 (generation 15)

1997 Nahor dies at age 148 (Generation 18)

2006 Noah dies at age 950 (Generation 10)

2026 Reu dies at age 239 (Generation 16)

2049 Serug dies at age 230 (Generation 17)

2056 Shem dies at age 600 (Generation 11)

2083 Terah dies at age 205 (Generation 19)

2096 Arapachshid dies at age 438 (Generation 12)

2126 Shelah dies at age 433 (Generation 13)

2187 Eber dies at age 464 (Generation 14)

OK, apparently the Hebrew get their name from Eber, the last of the really, really, really long-livers. In fact, I’m pretty sure that Eber should end up outliving Abram.  The Bible does a nice job getting everyone dying before the Flood, but here there are some interesting overlaps.  I mean – Noah is still around when Abram is born!  Abram is 58 when Noah dies!  You don’t typically picture those two in the same room, but in theory it could’ve happened. That just seems wrong, though.  Noah seems purely mythic while Abram seems like at least based on someone real.  It fells like putting a caveman in the same room as a T-Rex. 

Haran dies, but he’s Lot’s dad. 

Click here for the next six chapters.

Genesis: Chatpers 1 to 5

These are the pre-Noah portions of the Bible.  I read this a little more than a week before beginning this blog:

CHAPTER 1

The world is created.  It’s spoken into existence, which is an odd way of creating things.  It’s like the little kid in that one episode of Twilight Zone.  There are only six days in this chapter.  I wonder why they put Day Seven in the next chapter?  

At any rate, there is a logic to creation.  Start big and work your way small.  There are one or two oddities showing the ancient Hebrew view of the natural world.  First, light begins on Day 1, but the sun and stars don’t show up until Day 4.  (So… what is the light then?)  Also, the Hebrew (and other ancients) noticed that the seas were blue and the skies were blue, and assumed they were the same thing.  This Bible has a little picture of the ancient world’s view of nature.  You have essentially a giant dome above, and above the dome is the water in the sky & above that heaven and God.  And when it rains, the floodgates open --- they are literal gates keeping the water above the sky. 

           

The order of creation: Day 1: light, and thus dark.  Day and night are created.

           

Day 2: the sky and the seas are created.  Basically, what’s above is separated from what’s below.

           

Day 3: The earth is created and the specific seas.  By this day, the globe as we know it is in place.

           

Day 4: The stars, sun, and moon are created.  So still to be determined – what caused the light on Day 1.  This is the biggest stuff being created, but they are far away and thus more secondary to the Hebrew.

           

Day 5: Fish populate the seas and birds enter the air.

           

Day 6: Animals inhabit the land.  Oh, and then God creates man in his image and gives him dominion over all.  And though Eve is still a Chapter away, this clearly states that “male and female, he created them”

CHAPTER 2

Day 7: God rests. 

           

Then comes the story of Eden.  A few interesting things here.  First, there is a new order of creation, and it’s not quite the same.  First there’s the heavens and earth (OK, that works), but then a river, then man, and only afterwards the animals and birds.  Then Adam’s rib becomes Eve.  I guess it could be just the animals of Eden, but the Bible says, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suited to him.  So the LORD God formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the air.”  It says all twice, and notes man had been alone. (And of course, Chapter 1 had woman already existing.

           

One thing Biblical scholars have noted – going back to the ancient Hebrew written language, there are two ways God is referred to in the Bible: God, and LORD God (and it’s always all capped when referred to like that: LORD God).  Biblical scholars believe there were four separate authors who wrote the Torah.  One is called the Priestly source – he handles the cubits, and begottings and the pro forma boring parts no one cares about.  Stylistically, he’s supposed to be the easiest to note, especially when reading ancient Hebrew.  Second, the guy who wrote Deuteronomy was someone completely different.  (Stay tuned: in the historical books at one point there is a noting of how they discovered a long lost holy book – it’s believed they just forged Deuteronomy then).  The other two sources can be identified a few ways, mostly by how God is referred to – LORD God or just good old fashioned God.  The belief is you had two written traditions during the divided kingdom days and when Israel fell, the priests from the north came south with their book, and they were combined.  Sometimes they two get mushed together.  That’s supposed to happen with the Flood.  Technically it happens in this chapter, as the seventh day is God and the rest is LORD GOD.

           

Essentially then, you get two different creation stories.  One has the world created in seven days.  The other has the Eden.  By and large they coexist fairly well, but you can  see the seams showing in places. 

           

Oh, apparently there is some ancient Hebrew wordplay.  The word for ground was “Adama” and God first fashions man out of the dust of the ground – Adam from adama. 

CHAPTER 3 

Huh.  A talking snake.  The Bible isn’t too big on talking animals, but here you get one.  I know common theology, at least Christian theology, is that it’s Satan, but the Bible just say snake.  And in fact God specifically condemns the snake to crawl on its belly and be stepped on by people for what it had done. 

           

There is more ancient Hebrew word play at work.  The notes in my Catholic Bible say the ancient Hebrew word for cunning/wise is “arum” which apparently similar or the same as the word for naked.  So Adam and Even eat from the Tree of Knowledge to gain wisdom and instead learn they are naked. 

           

Adam doesn’t come off too well in this story.  God comes and he hides.  Then God asks what happened and he totally throws Even under the bus: “The woman whom you put here with me, she gave me fruit from the tree.”  How passive.

           

Eve gets her punishment – labor pains.  Also, it’s made clear than man shall rule over woman. Adam also gets his punishment – farming.  Yeah, farming.  No more will it be easy to get food from the ground.  Hard toil will be required. 

           

Then God makes them clothing.  I just love that – I get the image of God with a sewing machine or something.  Really, God is all over the place here.  He’s walking in the garden.  He’s making clothing.  He actually seems a little skittish around man, saying that, “The man has become like one of us” and worried that if man eats from the tree of life he’ll become immortal, and thus he banishes man from Eden.  Not quite an equal relationship, but there’s a fear of man rising to God’s level.  Also: who is “us” there God?  This some sort of lingering remnant of polytheism?  (God was the God of the Hebrew and only eventually later became THE one and only God of all.  There are other traces of other gods in the Bible, from the pharaoh’s priest’s staff turning to a snake, to Saul consulting a witch to see Samuel, to David having a household idol to stick in his bed when he escapes.

           

Oh, and Eve isn’t named until after the eating incident. The Hebrew word for Eve is “hawwa” and is related to the word “hay” which meant living – thus she’s mother of all living creatures.

CHAPTER 4

Cain and Abel.  This is a pretty powerful story.  This is really well done:  “Am I my brother’s keeper?”  “What have you don’t? Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground?”  There’s a lot of emotion packed into a short space.

           

Apparently God is no vegetarian.  Both Abel and Cain give offerings to the Lord – Abel has flocks and Cain farms.  Cain gives fruit and Abel some carcass parts.  “The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor.”  So God prefers meat.  Well good for him.  But again – you get an intensely personal relationship between people and God here.  Later when offerings are given, you won’t have God personally give a sense of his dis/pleasure or not.

           

The mark of Cain is apparently a mark of protection.  That’s not how it’s referred to in mass culture, but that’s how it’s here in the Bible.  Cain’s afraid he’ll be killed by others, but the mark is to protect him.  Still to be determined: killed by whom?  There aren’t many people alive yet.  Cain goes off to found the first city.  How?  There aren’t any people yet.  If nothing else, having the first murderer found the first city shows a clear agricultural preference. 

           

And then when get Cain’s descendents, which would be more interesting if I knew this line ends with the flood.  His great-great-great-great-grandkids become important figures.  One is the ancestor of all who dwell in tents and keep livestock.  Another is the founder of all musicians. Another is the ancestor of all who forge bronze and iron instruments. Back then, you got your job from your dad.  So I guess these guys begin those acts, and they’re kept around after the blood kills the whole line of Cain.

           

Oh, and more Hebrew wordplay.  The Hebrew name for Cain is “Qayin” and the word “Qaniti” means I have produced, which explains whey Eve says she’ll name him Cain because “I have produced a male child.” Seth is close to the word “sath” meaning “to replace” which is why Eve names him Seth saying “God has granted me another offspring in the place of Abel.”

CHAPTER 5

Begetting time. A timeline for the first 10 generations (note: all math done with paper and pencil - too lazy to do anything real, I guess).

Year 0: Adam born (Generation 1)

Year 130: Seth born (Generation 2)

Year 235: Enosh born (Generation 3)

Year 325 Kenan born (Generation 4)

Year 395 Mahalel born (Generation 5)

Year 460 Jared born (Generation 6)

Year 622 Enoch born (Generation 7)

Year 687 Methuselah born (Generation 8)

Year 874 Lamech born (Generation 9)

Year 930 Adam dies at age 930 (Generation 1)

Year 987 God takes Enoch at age 365 (Generation 7)

Year 1042 Seth dies at age 912 (Generation 2)

Year 1056 Noah born (Generation 10)

Year 1140 Enosh dies at age 905 (Generation 3)

Year 1235 Kenan dies at age 910 (Generation 4)

Year 1290 Mahalel dies at age 895 (Generation 5)

Year 1422 Jared dies at age 962 (Generation 6)

Year 1556 Shem, Ham, and Japeth born (Generation 11)

Year 1651 Lamech dies at age 777 (Generation 9)

Year 1656 Methuselah dies at age 969 (Generation 8)

It mostly goes in order.  The ages are completely unbelievable.  It takes Noah 500 years to have kids – that way all his ancestors can be dead when the flood comes.  I guess he has triplets though, as his three sons are all born the same year.

           

Then there’s Enoch, who walked with God for 300 years before “God took him.”  Nothing about dying, just God taking him.  That’s interesting. 

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