Book of Jonah

Click here for the previous prophet, Obadiah.

CHAPTER 1

Here it is – the last part of the Old Testament that anyone has heard of!  Jonah is one of the 12 Minor Prophets, but he’s completely unlike all the others. The other Minor Prophets are full of, well, prophesy.  There is hardly any prophecy here – maybe a verse or two.  This is just a story, which is why people have heard of Jonah and not the other 11 Minor Prophets.

God calls upon Jonah to be a prophet, but Jonah isn’t interested.  Instead, he runs away.  This is the first of several acts of Jonah where he doesn’t come off very well.  In an attempt to runaway from God, Jonah gets on a ship. 

However, this isn’t a very well thought out plan.  It turns out that God has jurisdiction at sea as well.  (Yeah, Jonah really should’ve thought about that one).  God sends a giant sea storm to endanger the ship.  The sailors throw all their cargo overboard in an attempt to survive.  They pray to their gods for help.  The captain finds Jonah asleep down below and asks him to pray to his god.  – Wait, wait – Jonah was asleep?  There is a storm so serious it’s causing experienced sailors to pray for relief and forcing them to unload their cargo – and landlubber Jonah is just sleeping through this?  My goodness what a sound sleeper! 

Anyhow, Jonah breaks them the big news.  This storm is my fault.  God is punishing me for running away from my duties.  However, in what will be essentially Jonah’s only truly noble act in the Bible, he has a solution.  Since I’m the cause of the problem, I should be the solution – pick me up and hurl me into the sea.  Sacrifice me so that you may survive.  Jonah may not come out very well when he ran away from God, but it’s hard to fault a guy when he’s offering to give up his life to save others.  He’s coming out way ahead so far.

The sailors, to their credit, have mixed feelings on this plan.  Oh, they do it – make no mistake about it.  They throw Jonah overboard, but it’s not their first plan.  They first try to row to shore.  No dice – the storm is too much. Even when they decide to throw Jonah over the side, they pray/apologize to God for what they are about to do.  Both Jonah and the ship’s crew come out of this episode looking very noble. 

Into the drink goes Jonah – and just like that the seas calm down.  The sailors will survive, which is good.  They have done nothing wrong.

CHAPTER 2

This is the part everyone has heard of.  Once he’s in the sea, Jonah gets swallowed by a whale.  To be exact, the Bible says he was swallowed by “a great fish” but yeah, a whale is a great fish. 

For three days and three nights Jonah survives in the fish’s belly.  This doesn’t actually make any sense – but we’ll just roll with it.  While in the fish belly, Jonah prays to God for deliverance.  God hears the prayer and the fish vomits Jonah up on dry land.  I wonder how the logistics of that work.  Did the fish projectile vomit him.  Did the whale beach itself? Eh, whatever – the point is Jonah is back on dry land.  Now he’s learned his lesson and will do his prophetic duty.

CHAPTER 3

And off to give prophecies goes Jonah.  His mission: go to the great city of Nineveh – the capital of the Assyrian empire – and announce a message that God will give Jonah.  Off he goes, and when he gets there it is a fabulous city.  It’s so huge it takes three days to walk through.

But after just one day walking through the city, God gives Jonah the exact message to send out.  Jonah tells the people that for their sins, the city will be overthrown in 40 days.  This is interesting. So far, God has cared about the morality of the Hebrew, but not really anyone else.  The Children of Israel are the ones he’s formed a pact with, not anyone else.  And Nineveh is clearly outside that pact.  Yet God cares.  (I know, it’s a fictional story, but just the fact that this fictional story was written shows the increased importance of ethics to the religion.  By now, ethics are supposed to mean something to everyone).

The response is even more remarkable than Jonah’s message, though.  The people immediately believe Jonah.  We’re told that they proclaim a day of fasting and that they all put on sackcloth.  Wow!  Man, the Hebrew constantly ignore their prophets who preach doom.  But this guy shows up and in five minutes gets them eating out of his hand.  And they don’t even worship God!   Maybe God made a pact with the wrong people.  These guys sound a lot more faithful and devout than the Hebrew. 

Actually, there is another, more obvious explanation.  The story is fiction.  That’s why everyone caves so easily.  This is just a simple plot point to get us to Chapter 4.

But first, more Chapter 3.  The king finds out about it and declares that across all the city there should be fasting.  He declares, “Who knows?  God may again repent and turn from his blazing wrath so that we will not perish.”  Hold on -  what does he mean “again”?  It’s one thing if a Jew says “again.”  There have been plenty of examples of God deciding not to destroy them.  But since when has God repented against the Assyrians? 

Also – since when did Assyrians start worshipping God?  If you took this story literally, there was a mass conversion in their capital to Judaism.  Yeah, that never happened.  Again, this story is completely fictional.

But guess what – God does repent!  He decides to spare them after all.  Right now, everyone in Jonah looks good: Jonah for sacrificing himself, the sailors for their actions, the people of Nineveh for their atonement, and God for his mercy.  So far it’s a very likable bunch. 

CHAPTER 4

But then Jonah has to go ruin it by acting churlish.  You see, when God decides to spare Nineveh, it’s a great thing – but with the unfortunate side effect that now Jonah looks like a world-class dope.  Hey, that bad times he foretold – didn’t happen.  So everyone can ignore the weirdo who spent a few days in a fish’s intestinal tract. 

Jonah prays to God – out of anger!  He’s furious that God didn’t wipe out the city.  This is petty.  This is churlish.  This is childish – and it’s so very human.  Jonah may not come off looking to good here, but …it makes sense, especially in character.  Look, he didn’t want to deliver this damn message.  He didn’t want to be any prophet.  God chose him – forced him, really.  And now that Jonah has given God’s message, God has gone back.  Hey, God – we had a deal!  You jerk!  I spent three days inside a fish and this it is the thanks I get!  Lousy, wishy-washy deity!  This reaction makes a lot of sense in character.  It’s a very human reaction – and the Bible is at its best when it’s at its most human. Also, it’s hilarious.  It’s absurdist, situational humor.  Jonah thinks God is a jerk … because he showed mercy. 

But God sets Jonah straight.  He tells Jonah to calm down, and then God does a bit of Lordly performance art.  He has a plant grow by Jonah, to protect him from the heat and hot wind of where he’s at.  Then God has a worm destroy it, so the elements hurt Jonah once more.  Jonah is upset by this – and that’s the reaction God was going for.  Jonah, you’re more upset about a plant dying because it gave you shade than you are about the possibility of me wiping out a city.  Shouldn’t the lives of 120,000 in the city be more important than a plant that gives you shade?  And that’s how the book ends.

One thing: if Nineveh really is so huge that it takes three days to walk through, shouldn’t it have a lot more than 120,0000 people?  Eh, maybe Jonah is just a slow walker.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

This is a deeply enjoyable book.  Oddly enough, the most famous part – being stuck in the whale – is maybe the most boring. For my money, the real capper is Jonah upset at God for not killing a bunch of people. 

Jonah himself steals the show.  Sure he’s a fictional character – but he comes off so damn human, with his pettiness, his fears, and his flaws.  He might be a prophet, but he’s no saint.  He is, however, an understandable human being.  He might have trouble looking past his own personal interests – even when he’s called to the Lord’s interests – but that makes him relatable.  And like him, we’re supposed to look beyond ourselves and show more concern for our fellow man than we actually do.

Click here for the next book, Micah.

Book of Obadiah

Click here for the previous prophet, Amos.

CHAPTER 1

Here it is – the shortest book in the entire Old Testament – the one-chapter wonder, Obadiah.  We know nothing about the author aside from this one book.  Given that he doesn’t talk about himself, we essentially know nothing about him. 

OK, Obadiah apparently lived around the fall of Jerusalem. We can pick that up from the subject matter.  The subject is the nearby kingdom of Edom, and Obadiah is in a seething fury towards them because how they took advantage of the Hebrew when their house fell.  We saw similar criticisms of them in the bigger prophets, and now we see it again here.

Essentially he curses out Edom and then calls for revenge: “As you have done, so will be done to you!”  We were brothers, you fucks!  Jacob and Esau – and now look what you’ve done to us! 

I wonder what the Edom response would be.  Traditionally, Israel was in the superior position.  That was the case as far back as David, with Edom being a subject kingdom to Israel and then Judah.  Apparently the people of Edom didn’t like that very much while the people of Jerusalem saw it as the natural order of things.  So you get Edom kicking the Hebrew when their down and the Hebrew crying foul.  Really, I don’t think the Hebrew have much of a case. Edom was never one of the tribes of Israel.  It was always a separate people – one taken over by the Hebrew.  So why should they try to save the Hebrew?  As far as the Edomites are concerned, the fall of Jerusalem can be taken as a warning against the dangers of hubris.  When the Hebrew thought they were the biggest buck in the area, they could do what they wanted, but now they’ve run into a bigger power.  As they’ve reaped, so have they sown. 

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Yeah, that’s it.  That’s the entire thing.  That’s the entire fucking thing. 

It’s a harsh, brutish, nasty and short chapter.  All it does is denounce Edom and call for its destruction.  It’s just an attempt to settle scores.  And like I said above, I think an Edom rebuttal would make more since than this Hebrew denouncing. 

Thumbs down to Obadiah.  

Click here for the Book of Jonah.

Book of Amos

Click here for the previous part, the Book of Joel.

CHAPTER 1

Amos: one of the most important of the Minor Prophets.  He doesn’t have the fame of Jonah, but Amos makes his own mark.  He was perhaps the first of the prophets.  Well, the first of the prophets to get his own book of prophecy, that is.  He lived in the first half of the 8^th century BC, which puts him before the others, even Isaiah.  Thus Amos set the template for the latter ones to follow.

Interestingly, even though he was from Judah, he did most of his preaching in Israel.  I guess he felt they were worse off there.  He also has an interesting profession: he breeds sheep.  He’s a commoner – thus setting a key part of the prophetic template, that you don’t have to be some high and mighty priest to be called on by God. 

One last key thing about Amos before diving in: he also promotes justice and ethics.  Performing sacrifices aren’t enough for Amos. In fact, just avoiding idols isn’t enough.  You have to uphold all of God’s words – including the parts that tell you to treat others well.  A traditional view of the prophets is that they matter because they place personal ethics and morality at the forefront of the Hebrew religion.  Well, if that’s true, then Amos is one of the most important theologians ever because he’s the first one to preach that so strongly.

That said, when you get into Chapter 1 itself, there is very little in what I just described.  No, the Book of Amos gets off to a slow start.  This is just a series of statements denouncing foreign lands.  Damascus, Gaza, Tyre, Edom, and Ammon all are told off, none in much detail.  The longest bit is against Damascus, four verses.

I wonder if this really is how Amos began his days as a prophet.  You start off by denouncing the outsiders to develop an audience, and then – WHAM – they you move into your main material.  Maybe not.  There is no reason to think these verses are arranged in chronological order, after all.  But then again – maybe.  Who knows?

CHAPTER 2

Oh, Amos isn’t quite done denouncing others.  He has a few words to curse Moab with.  But then he starts hitting closer to home.

First he attacks the land of his birth, Judah.  He doesn’t really say too much about them; just that they spurned the instruction of the Lord.  But that’s enough for the Lord to decide he’ll destroy Jerusalem.  That must have caused some murmurings in his audience.

But all that is just preface for Amos’s main event: Israel itself.  He spends 11 verses denouncing them – longer than any 3 of the others combined.  Yes, part of his problem with Israel is the same problem he had with Judah – not following God – but that’s not all.  That’s not even the main problem.  It certainly isn’t the most memorable problem discussed. 

If Amos’s prophecy can be summed up in one word, it’s this: justice.  He feels the Israelites treat their brethren in a deeply unjust manner.  He declares that the Lord will curse them, “Because they hand over just for silver, and the poor for a pair of sandals.  They trample the heads of the destitute into the dust of the earth, and force the lowly out of the way.” 

That’s the core of it.  They treat people deplorably, especially those on bottom of society that most need the help. Saying that they sell “the poor for a pair of sandals” is an especially memorable line.  They just toss people away for shoes!  It’s a land where the haves run roughshod over the have-nots for their own self-interest.  Amos is another vote against the Ryan budget. 

CHAPTER 3

This chapter is called “First Summons” and gets into the real heart of Amos.  There is no more focusing on particular places – now it’s time for the message.  And it’s a message of anger.  Amos reports on God’s feelings toward Israel: “You alone I have known among all the families of the earth; therefore I will punish you for all you iniquities.”  This is the flip side of being a chosen people.  Sure, you have a privileged place before God – but that puts that much more pressure on you.

So God is now planning to destroy them unless they shape up.  Any problems that befall them will be because God wants it that way.  After all, “Does disaster befall a city unless the Lord has caused it.”  Their sins are both idolatry – “I will punish the altars of Bethel”  - and treating each other poorly – “They do not know how to do what is right.”

CHAPTER 4

“Hear this you cows of Bashan.”  That’s how Chapter 4 begins.  I love that line – “you cows of Bashan.”  I don’t know where Bashan is, but it sounds so wonderfully insulting. 

And Amos drops into his typical concern, as he decries: “Who oppress the destitute, and abuse the needy, who say to your husbands, `Bring us a drink!’”  OK, so there is a gender dynamic at work here.  He’s going after the Real Housewives of Bashan, and he apparently thinks they are a bunch of cows.  But aside from a gender dynamic, there is a class dynamic that will be much more central to Amos’s overall message.  He’s sticking up for the destitute and needy – those on bottom of society.  We’ll see plenty more of this.

Due to their poor treatment of those on bottom of society, they’ll get theirs. Amos says, “Truly days are coming upon you when they shall drag you away with ropes.” To clarify, he later says, “Prepare to meet your God, O Israel.”  He doesn’t mean that in a nice, heavenly reunion sort of way. He means prepare to meet your maker, you insolent dumb bastards. 

There is a lot of anger here.  Well, there is a lot of anger in all the prophets, but it’s a particular kind of anger here.  Amos wants people to be treated with more equality.  We’re all the Children of Israel so we all deserve some respect and equitable treatment. 

CHAPTER 5

Here it is – the heart of Amos’s prophecy.  Aside from being the longest chapter in the book, it’s also got many of the most memorable lines and ideas. 

Let’s not bury the lead – this is the chapter Martin Luther King Jr. quoted repeatedly.  Amos has always been about justice.  He wants people to treat each other fairly, properly, and respectfully.  That’s the main concern throughout this book.  And never does Amos state his desire for justice more eloquently here, in verse 24: “Rather let justice surge like waters and righteousness like an unfailing stream.”  King used that line in his “I Have a Dream” speech during the March on Washington.  He also quoted it in his “Letter from a Birmingham Jail.”  There, he noted people called him militant.  He embraced the term, noting that Christ was a militant for love and Amos militant for justice. 

That line is the capper.  It comes near the end of the chapter.  Earlier, he flipped around.  Instead of promoting justice, he denounced those who deny justice.  This is what he really goes on about, actually: “Woe to those who turn justice into wormwood and cast righteousness to the ground.  They hate those who reprove at the gate and abhor those who speak with integrity.  Therefore, because you tax the destitute and exact from them levies of grain, though you have built houses of hewn stone, you shall not live in them.”

Amos is the workingman’s prophet.  He sees people working hard and getting jobbed over by the powers than be.  He sees justice perverted.  Instead of providing actual justice to people, it’s been turned into a way for those on top of society to keep all the power and wealth for himself.  He’s a religious Eugene V. Debs (a man who once declared that the legal nets have been so adjusted as to capture the minnow, while letting the whales escape). 

Amos takes on these people head on, saying, “Yes, I know how many are your crimes, how grievous your sins; oppressing the just, accepting bribes, turning away the needy at the gate. (Therefore at this time the wise are struck dumb for it is an evil time).”  Again, the reference to bribery indicates that true justice has been denied as people use their power to pervert actual justice from occurring. 

Amos has some simple advice for people: “Seek good and not evil, that you may live.”  It’s a very simple statement indeed, but that shouldn’t cause anyone to overlook its importance.  Amos backs this up shortly after, saying: “Hate evil and love good, and let justice prevail at every gate.”  That’s a nice one-sentence summation of Amos’s message.  I guess one reason this appeals so much to me is you don’t have to be especially religious to believe in much of Amos’s message.  It’s a theology heavily based on social ethics – treating each other well.

There is also plenty of traditional theology.  This isn’t Ecclesiastes where the Bible tells you how to live even if there is no God.  The Lord is very present for Amos, but for him God is the friend of the little guy.  Amos’s God backs up his vision of justice – so it’s that much more important we stay away from idolatry.

But because people aren’t doing that, God will have his vengeance upon them.  The middle part of this chapter shows what’ll happen if they don’t.  The day of the Lord is coming!  That might sound nice, but the day of Lord isn’t a day of puppies and kittens.  It’s a day of judgment – an apocalypse.  Amos says, “It will be darkness, not light!  As if someone fled from a lion and a bear met him; or as if on entering the house he rested his hand against the wall, and a snake bit it.”  Yikes! If this prophecy thing doesn’t work out, Amos can always go to Hollywood and right screenplays to horror movies. 

For Amos, it’s all about righteousness and justice, not simply following the rituals of Leviticus.  Amos says, “I hate, I despite your feasts, I take no pleasure in your solemnities.   Even though you bring me your burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them.”  That’s some rather violent language.  All this talk of hate makes him sound like some Old Testament punk rocker.  He and Joe Strummer should go bowling together or something.  But Amos’s theology is about something deeper than just burning some lamb chops.  It’s avoiding all other gods and treating people properly.  So let justice surge forth! 

Stay free, Amos.  Stay free.

CHAPTER 6

After that, the rest of the book is something of an anti-climax.  He denounces the complacent, and it’s clear his targets are the rich.  He denounces, “Those who lie on beds of ivory and lounge upon their conches; eating lambs taken from the flock and calves from the stall, who improvise to music of the harp composing on musical instruments like David, who drink wine from bowls and anoint themselves with the best oils.”  The idle rich.  Those who have all of lives advantages and seek to use their power to help themselves exclusively – those are the people who set off Amos.  He really is an Old Testament Eugene V. Debs.  

It’s because of these insolent, prideful bastards that Israel will be carried off. 

CHAPTER 7

God gives Amos a series of visions.  All the visions are of the destruction of Israel.  They also harkens back to the stories of the Torah.  One vision is of locusts, like a plague against Egypt.  Another vision is a rain of fire, like Sodom and Gomorrah. 

There is an awkwardly placed story here as well.  Apparently the top priest of Israel is sick of hearing Amos’s denouncing the power structure.  He wants Amos forced out and sent back to his home in Judah.  Let him make his money prophesizing there. 

Amos says, no – I’m no prophet.  I’m, “a herdsmen and a dresser of sycamores.”  However, “the Lord took me from following the flock and the Lord said to me, `Go prophecy to the people of Israel.’”  So when he says he’s not a prophet, he means he doesn’t earn his keep doing this.  It’s not his occupation on his tax form.  No, it’s not a job – it’s a calling.  In the most literal sense, he was called on to do this.

This also helps explain his message.  Amos was just a workingman, and knew that the average bloke wasn’t being treated right.  (Oddly enough, he knew it was the case in the land to the north, not the land he lived in.  Interesting).  The official prophets?  They are part of the power structure.  They are part of the problem.  They have power, and as the old saying goes – power corrupts.  No wonder God called on a dresser of sycamores to send his message then.

In fact, Amos takes direct aim at the top prophet, saying that when the day of the Lord comes, your wife will become a prostitute and your kids will die by the sword.  That’s what happens to the families of those who pervert justice.

CHAPTER 8

There is another vision about how God will destroy Israel for perverting justice.  It’s not a bad chapter, but it’s nothing we haven’t read before.  God will punish them for trampling the needy and destroying the poor and selling the poor for a pair of sandals.

Let’s note the big difference in focus between Amos and many priests in the Bible.  Most priests are focused on priestly matters.  Priests are the guys who wrote Leviticus, for instance, which is entirely about the roles of priests in society.  The priests tend to be more navel-gazing, focusing on their role in society, and forgetting about society on its own.  Amos serves as a memorable rebuttal to this navel gazing approach.

CHAPTER 9

This might be Amos at his angriest.  After foretelling the coming of the Lord for several chapters, he really gets into what that will mean: death.  “Those who are left I will slay with the sword, not one shall get away, no survivors shall escape.  Though they dig down to Sheol, even from there my hand shall take them.”  That’s quite the image.  You can run to hell to escape from God, but it won’t do any good.  He’ll come and nail you there anyway. 

Amos does note he won’t totally destroy the House of Jacob, just the sinners.  But it sure sounds bleak for everyone.

There is a brief epilogue, which my Bible’s footnotes say was likely placed by an editor, to smooth over the message of Amos with other prophets.  It says that eventually God will relent and rise up the people of David again.  While the pre-epilogue ended on a positive note (not everyone will die!) this is a fully note of optimism.  Not only will some survive, but so will the nation as a whole – eventually. 

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Wow!  This was a memorable book or prophecy.  This is a personal favorite.  This is one of the books that are easier for an atheist to relate to because the fundamental message is we should treat people properly.  You don’t have to believe in God to believe in that.  It’s a message of working well with others, and not letting those with money and power abuse their power over the rest of us.  As I said above, Amos is a prophetical version of Eugene V. Debs or Joe Strummer.

That said, he is also genuinely religious.  His message is one centered on God, but in his vision God is concerned with the individuals.  There is ample precedent for that approach previously in the Bible, but few – if anyone – in the Bible emphasizes these characteristics as much as he does.  It’s nice to see a dresser of sycamores make it into the Bible.  There are already plenty enough priests making their message felt.  

Click here for the next prophet, Obadiah. 

Book of Joel

Click here for the previous book, Hosea.

CHAPTER 1

So far, I’ve hardly read any Bible books less than 10 chapters long.  There was Lamentations, Ruth, Song of Solomon, Baruch – and that’s about it.  But from here on out, there is just one book left with double-digit chapters (Zechariah). 

But this is Joel.  He definitely has a memorable style: apocalyptic.  He is either living through or prophesizing of a great famine, I can’t quite tell.  If I had to guess, I’d say he’s living through the direst famine in memory, and he predicts even worse things to come.

He’s a very nature-centric prophet as a result as he focuses on the devastated grain, the dead vines, and all the barren fields. You could call him a green prophet for his focus on nature, but there is no greenery in his nature. 

He grabs people’s attention right away – and comes off at least a little bit like a jerk when he says, “Listen to this, you elders!  Pay attention, all who dwell in the land!”  Yeah, it’s a little arrogant-young-punk-esque.  That impression isn’t helped by other lines like, “Wake up, you drunkards, and weep, wail, all you wine drinkers.”  That said, I get a kick out of a prophet who bellows out, “Wake up, you drunkards!”

However, he’s less a brash youth and more a demoralized prophet seeing gloom all around him.  He tells people, “Wail like a young woman dressed in sackcloth” and “Be appalled, you farmers!” and “Proclaim a holy fast! Call an assembly!” Heck, I started flashing to The Simpsons episode where Lisa steals all the teacher’s guides and one panic stricken teacher says “Declare a snow day!”

Dark times, man.  Dark times.

CHAPTER 2

We get more doom talk here, as the Day of the Lord approaches.  If that day comes, be afraid everyone, for: “How great is the day of the Lord!  Utterly terrifying!  Who can survive it?”  Truly, this is a literal apocalypse Joel is foreseeing.

But, believe it or not, it’s not all gloom.  Now that he has your attention by making you pee your pants in fear, he offers up a solution: pray to God.  Return to God and he’ll be kind to you, for he is slow to anger and full of love.  So the doom people are facing is because, well, because they’ve earned it through misdeeds.  This is what makes the prophets so notable: the insistence on personal morality as central to the faith.  This is the ultimate call of ethical behavior  - do it or God will kill you.

CHAPTER 3

This is a very short chapter – just five verses – but serves as a capstone to all that’s come before.  When the day of the Lord comes, “The sun will darken, the moon turn blood-red.”  It sounds horrible, but there is an escape hatch: “Before the day of the Lord arrives, that great and terrible day, then everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will escape harm.” 

A few things about that last bit.  First, it really presages what the Book of Revelations in the New Testament will say.  God will come and all will be doomed, but the good people will be saved.  Second, on a literary level, I love the inclusion of “that great and terrible day.”  It pauses to amplify the effect of what came before and makes you wait for the good news.  It increases tension and builds suspense.  Nice job.

CHAPTER 4

Now, after all this apocalyptic talk, we get Judgment Day itself.  God will sit and judge.  Man, this really is a lot like how the New Testament ends.  He’ll gather the nations down in the Valley of Jehoshaphat to judge them.  Hey – I know that place!  That’s the place of the Bible’s great forgotten miracle!  In Chapter 20 of Chronicles II, foreign nations are attacking Israel.  Jehoshaphat brings all the people before this mountain pass and they all pray to God to save them.  So God kills all the foreign invaders. It’s a helluva miracle, but it’s in Chronicles II so no one pays it any attention because that would involve reading Chronicles II – and who wants to do that?

Actually, this chapter is rather nasty.  So far it’s been gloomy, sure, but the gloominess was in the service of morality.  Joel wants to encourage everyone to follow God’s path to avoid a bad fate.  That’s nice.  Here?  Well, now he says we should kill a bunch of other people.  Yeah, that’s nasty.

Joel says God will judge foreign nations and find them wanting.  So let’s have a Hebrew kill-fest upon them!  Joel even reverses one of the famous parts of Isaiah (Chapter 2, verse 4) saying, “Beat your plowshares into swords.”  This is a chapter that is open and avowedly militaristic.

As such, I can only assume this chapter is well received by the current right-wing political groups in Israel who call for increased military belligerence.  In fact, just before the plowshares-into-swords comment, Joel flatly declares, “Proclaim a holy war!”  Oh.  Wonderful.  I do believe that’s the first time I’ve seen the phrase “holy war” the Bible, but maybe it happened earlier. 

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Joel is fascinating and memorable, but not always in a good way.  He is a key figure in proclaiming an apocalyptic future.  His gloom-and-doom view serves a bigger cause, though: morality.  He wants the Hebrew to behavior in a proper, moral manner – or else God will kill them.

But then he moves from looking at the Hebrew to their neighbors and his gloom becomes a mean-spirited call for mass murder.  He has a blinkered view of morality.  It’s how you treat God and I suppose your fellow Hebrew.  The rest of humanity?  Fuck them.  

Click here for the next book - Amos.

Book of Hosea

Click here for the end of Daniel.

CHAPTER 1

Now we get to the Minor Prophets that clear out the Old Testament.  The intro tells us that Hosea was a prophet for about 20-25 years in the northern kingdom of Israel in the 8^th century BC, roughly from 750-725 BC. 

And God’s first order to Hosea is a memorable one: get yourself a whore.  Marry a prostitute who has children and marry her.  So Hosea does, a prostitute named Gomer.  The purpose is simple – Hosea is engaging in some life theater to embody his prophecies. Plenty of prophets have spoken of the relationship between the Hebrew and God like it’s a marriage.  Hosea is taking that analogy to another level.  In the marriage, the whore is the Hebrew and he has the role of God. 

It’s an inspired idea for prophecy, but sounds like a nightmarishly bad idea for a marriage.

They have three kids.  And, because the purpose is all analogy for the people, Hosea gives them names that’ll ensure they get picked on at the playground non-stop.  The eldest gets off easiest.  It’s a boy named “Jezreel” which means “God will sow.”  The next is a girl named “Not-Pitied.”  Wow, that will be a rough name to go through middle school with.  The last is a son named, “Not-My-People.”  He has it worst of all. 

CHAPTER 2

That first chapter was prose, but the entirety of the rest of Hosea will be presented in poetry form. 

This just makes clear that the relationship between God and the Hebrew is like that of Hosea and his prostitute-wife Gomer.  God gave the Hebrew so much, but she returned by sleeping around with other gods.  God became angry, and will sow his destruction.  He’ll have no pity because these are not his pity.

But eventually God has faith in the Hebrew.  They’ll come back to him, and give up their whorish ways. When that day happens, God will come back to them, and they’ll be his people again.   It’s an ugly story, but will have a happy ending.

CHAPTER 3

This is a short, five-verse chapter that largely just rehashes what we learned in Chapter 1 – Hosea purchased a prostitute for a wife, Gomer. Apparently, he purchased her for 15 pieces of silver.  He tells her to stop being a prostitute, just like the Hebrew people should quit whoring themselves out. 

Also, it’s apparently the last time we’ll see Gomer.  Hopefully this is a happy ending to their marriage and this purchasing of her is taking her out of the brothel, but it’s hard to say.

CHAPTER 4

We’re back to the God-Hebrew relationship here.  God is upset at the people for their lack of fidelity and loyalty. 

There is one spot I found especially interesting.  God says, “I will not punish your daughters for their prostitution, not your daughters-in-law for their adultery, because the men themselves consort with prostitutes.” 

This is nice. Typically lands that are patriarchal put the men in charge and blame the women for any problems of sexual infidelity.  Here, the men are the ones blamed.  After all, they’re the ones in charge, and the prostitutes are just meeting the demands of the men.  If men have the responsibility, they should accept the blame that comes with it.  Nice job of Hosea to cut through a traditional sexist double standard.

CHAPTER 5

It’s another chapter denouncing Israel.  This one specifically targets the political and religious leaders of the land.  They have caused iniquity and betrayed the Lord.  Therefore, the land is defiled.  Hosea wants them to re-commit to God – a sincere recommitment. 

CHAPTER 6

This chapter has a section that works really well for our Christians out there, as Hosea prophesizes of God: “For it is he who has torn, but he will heal us; he has struck down, but he will bind our wounds.  He will revive us after two days; on the third day he will raise us up to live in his presence.”  OK, it’s not a perfect analogy for Christ.  In the New Testament, it’s Christ that rises, whereas here it’s Christ causes the average believer to rise.  But still – you got being struck down, dead for two days, rising on the third – yeah, that does all sound familiar to Christian ears.

I wonder how it’s phrased in the Jewish Bible.  The intro here says that this is one of the most difficult Bible books to translate.  It’s hard to read and the original text is apparently corrupted.  It’s written in an unusual dialect of Hebrew.  Thus different Bibles have different interpretations of what Hosea says.  So I wonder how the Jews translate this part.  Maybe this is one of the more straightforward parts. Or maybe the Christian imagery here owes as much to the translation as to the actual text itself.

There is also a really good line here: “What can I do with you, Ephraim?  What can I do with you, Judah?  Your loyalty is like the morning mist, like the dew that disappears early.”  That’s a nice little analogy there.

CHAPTER 7

The people really suck.  They have bandits and thieves and they don’t give a damn.  And the royal court is worst of all.  They have all these conspiracies and murdered kings replaced by their murderers.  The new kings aren’t on the throne because God put them there, but just because they took it.  That is wrong.  Also, they shouldn’t pal around with pagans, like Assyria and Egypt.

CHAPTER 8

Oftentimes the prophets are seen as an advance upon the morality of old.  The religion began as a purely tribal one.  We’re the children of Israel and he’s our God, that’s that.  There was a moral component – obey God’s laws – but paying back was just doing the right offering at the tabernacle (and then the temple).  It’s the prophets that really make personal morality a central piece to being a proper follower of God.

OK, but it’s interesting in Hosea how the morality here is tied to the morality of old.  It’s less a theological revolution than reinforcement.  He isn’t focusing primarily on moral treatment of others.  He’s mostly concerned with idolatry.  To be a good Jew is to follow God, which is a call for morality, but a morality towards God more than to your fellow man. 

This chapter has a nice smackdown or idolatry, as he denounces the golden calf stationed at Samaria, and notes, “An artisan made it, it is no God at all.”  That said, the theology here is a bit beyond Leviticus.  There, all sins were to be repaid with a proper amount of sacrifice, but Hosea tells us that the Lord isn’t pleased with their sacrifices.  Well, that part of the message is a bit revolutionary.  He’s not the only one to say it, but Hosea is one of the earlier ones to say it.

Also, this chapter has a famous line: “When they sow the wind, they will reap the whirlwind.”  Have we seen the “reap the whirlwind” line before?  Maybe, I can’t fully recall. But it’s a good line regardless. 

CHAPTER 9

Hosea tells people not to celebrate, because God isn’t happy with them.  We also get a sense how he’s being received by the people around him: “`The prophet is a fool, the man of the spirit is mad!’ Because your iniquity is great, great, too, is your hostility.” 

Yeah, maybe the reason the people reject Hosea is due to their sinful nature.  Then again, marrying a prostitute in an act of prophetical theater can also cause your credibility to suffer.  Think about it – while it makes an intriguing it to read, wouldn’t that cause people to wonder if this guy really is holy or just some fool?  Then, when he starts criticizing them, it’s easier for the people to dismiss Hosea.

Earlier I said his act of marrying a prostitute was an effective bit of prophetical theater.  Actually, the opposite is true.  It’s dramatic, but it’s totally counterproductive because it makes him seem like a fool.  There’s a reason why all the other prophets would criticize the Hebrew with words rather than try to embody the people’s problems in their own central life choices.

CHAPTER 10

This is more talk about how bad idolatry is.  One theme in this book: Hosea keeps saying “Ephraim” when referring to the entire northern kingdom of Israel even though it’s just 1 of the 10 tribes up there.  That’s odd.  I guess Hosea is from that tribe.

CHAPTER 11

Hosea dives into analogy here – but this time makes it just words instead of his own lifestyle.  He compares the relationship between the Lord and the Hebrew to that of a parent and child.  Yes, the Lord is unhappy with his children.  But, like any good parent, he holds out the hope that things will work out well when it’s all said and done. 

It’s nice, and has a happy ending of the Lord and the people of Ephraim being united again – but that isn’t what’ll happen.  Ephraim becomes one of the 10 lost tribes of Israel, as their people essentially move away from their religion altogether after the conquest by the Assyrians not too long after Hosea’s prophecies. 

CHAPTER 12

Israel – again usually referred to just as Ephraim – is unfaithful to the Lord and that’s bad.

CHAPTER 13

It’s more of the same.  Hosea denounces idolatry.  The only new quirk here is he essentially announces the death of Ephraim for backsliding from the Lord.  In fact, the chapter title is, “The Death of Ephraim.”

CHAPTER 14

After several dismal chapters, Hosea ends on a note of optimism, as he pleads for people to return to the Lord, and then all will be well.

Hosea saves the best for last, ending with the lines, “Who is wise enough to understand these things?  Who is intelligent enough to know them?  Straight are the paths of the Lord, and just walk in them, but sinners stumble in them.” 

That’s a really nice line to end on.  It’s one of the better parts of the Bible.  It’s short, simple – and makes sense. 

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

This is the first of 12 books of Minor Prophets that end the Old Testament.  It’s also the longest (well, Zechariah will tie it, but we won’t get more than 14 chapters until we reach the New Testament).  And while Hosea does get redundant towards the end, it certainly has its memorable parts. 

Nothing is more memorable than it’s beginning, with the prophet actually marrying a prostitute in an act of religious theater.  That couldn’t have made him very popular with the Hebrew, but it does make him stand out from the pack here.  His message is pretty one-note: respect God and follow his ways – but he has a memorable way of starting off.  He also has a great end line to conclude the book with.

It’s not a great book, but not a bad book either.

Click here for the next book, Joel.